help. Feel like I'm in love with DHs best friend

[giip]

Aibu to ask what the fuck I should do.

I work with DHs best friend in the same office. However about a year ago as got put onto the same team and now work closely together all day every day.

For the past 6 months or so I've realised that I feel quite inappropriately about him. We get on well, talk all the time at work, laugh etc.. there is no flirting obviously.

I wouldn't act on this ever and I don't want to feel this either.

But what the fuck do I do? I work with this guy every single day and he is my husbands childhood best friend for goodness sake. I find myself in the mornings making more effort to look nice for work and I try and tell myself it's not because of him but I know that it is.

What do I do. Has anyone experienced anything similar and have these feelings stopped?

I love DH and am happy with him. These feelings have blind sided me.

Leave the job.

Find a new job.

Go on lots more dates/quality time with DH
Read some erotica to get it out of your system. Or roleplay pretending your DH is a stranger etc

You have a proximity crush that's all.
Perhaps observe him to try and develop the ick

I would strongly consider moving teams, too

You need to leave your job. You probably also need to consider leaving your husband too, I’m afraid. There is no ‘good’ end to this situation I’m afraid; it’s about damage limitation.

Well I'm not going to leave my husband, I've not actually done anything! We have DC and a life together. What would leaving him solve?!

Leaving my job seems like such a big step. I love my job and the company I work for is the best. I've been there a long time.

But do you love your job more than you value your marriage?

No of course not. I guess I was just hoping I could ride it out and it would all just eventually fade away! Probably naive of me.

Don't know what I'd tell DH if I left as he knows how much I love it.

What a totally inappropriate response to a non problem. As long as you know you will never act on it even if you were put in a situation where you could (and you’d obviously need buy in from him too which is unlikely) then just crack on at work and it will pass and probably in the short term make days go quicker 😀 don’t overreact or listen to the overreactions which will follow on here.

Ok… I can’t imagine feeling this way about anybody outside of my relationship (which is why I suggested you might need to consider ending it) but perhaps your situation is very normal and I’m in the wrong?

leaving your job may seem like a big step but now consider how you’d feel if your OH felt the way you do about someone he worked with..(who also happened to be your childhood friend)

Maybe because you see him in work circumstances-smartly dressed and behaving appropriately .. Imagine him scratching his balls/leaving the loo seat up / in tartan pj's and slippers /skiddy pants /the grass isn't greener. It's still grass..
When I got married dh's best mate pulled me aside and declared he had feelings... Omg too late you daft man.... If I had known. ...
But a crush you need to ignore op.

I’m really not a LTB cheerleader but honestly, a crush on your husbands best mate (who you work with) would be a big problem in my world (perhaps because I can’t imagine it happening). I could be massively overreacting but I couldn’t deal with this in my life.

I read once that making something up about them in your head that puts you off them and continually repeating it in your mind sort of tricks you into believing it and can get rid of the feelings. Worth a try.

Utterly ridiculous. If everyone ended their marriage because they had a crush (that they hadn't acted upon), there would be no marriages left!

really? This guy is her husbands best mate… does that happen often? I just can’t imagine having a crush on someone so close to my OH.

Surely it’s just a crush and you ignore it and wait for it to pass.

Don't act on it. Crack on with work. Cool off some of the chatting a bit so you don't encourage anything. In time, you'll get over it.

We're all human, we need some attention and excitement sometimes I guess. Nothing wrong with private thoughts.

I guess this is the question - OP, do you get crushes often? Are you confident it will just pass?

If you think you can ride it out without showing anything at all or withdrawing from your husband then fair enough. This includes after a drink (if you drink). Stay totally sober at work socials and leave early and have an iron will in terms of indulging your desire to get this man's attention.

Depends how much this is affecting you though.

Little crush where you're dressing a bit better for work? Ok... But why are you making the effort? to what end? Are you thinking about this man outside of work, comparing him with husband, making excuses to talk to him etc, even if you think nobody is aware? Contacting outside work?? Be honest with yourself about how far this is going. If you need to prioritise your marriage and move team/job do it. Don't make a fool of yourself or your husband on your doorstep. Don't say anything negative about your husband to him.

How are things with DH?

You're playing with fire

This!

It’s completely normal to develop crushes and attractions to other people when in a happy and committed relationship. As long as you do nothing about it and admit that it’s just a little attraction then there’s nothing wrong .

I would just calm down with the chatting to him and just remind yourself that it’s only temporary.

Start making time for you and DH to have date nights, time for the two of you. You just need to fall back in love with your DH, and be his partner rather than just being a mum and dad. Remember why you got together in the first place

Op this is completely within your control.
you alone can decide not to act on this crush and not to give him any indication!

how would you feel if your DH betrayed you with a friend?

There was a very similar thread last year... was that you? If so, I think you have a bigger issue than you're admitting to now.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4833054-feel-awful-limerancecrush-dhs-friend www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4833054-feel-awful-limerancecrush-dhs-friend]]