DD spending a while totally alone

[Abeelikenoother]

Hi all, DD is 18, she’s in sixth form and is taking a gap year next year.
Her plans for gap year so far are

• Backpacking Italy with a friend in the summer
• New York/US East Coast with her dad for 4 weeks in Sept/Early Oct
• South Africa - Australia - New Zealand Jan/Feb
• Europe (Greek Island Hoping/Spain/City sightseeing March-August with breaks at home and holidays with friends (she has a Swedish passport from her dad so no concerns about visa)

Now for mid Oct - mid December she wants to find a little rural cottage on AirBnB and just be by herself for a while. She tells me she will spend time trying new recipes and cooking, reading, writing, learning a new skill, going on walks, yoga, meditation etc.
She has a car so wouldn’t be totally isolated.
Now I’m worried this isn’t a great idea, She wants to do somewhere really rural unsure on if she wants UK or not.
My concern is she quite a sociable person and I think two months totally alone could be very very bad for her mental health. I think she thinks it will be peaceful but I worry it will be lonely.
We live in North Yorkshire so I’ve suggested if she does do it, it may be best to stay within an hour or 2 so she can come home for a weekend or similar.

AIBU to think this is a bad idea? What are your thoughts?

She might prefer a camping barn where there won't be many others at that time of year but she won't be totally alone.

I am a pretty solitary person by nature, and 2 months alone would be a lot even for me - and I know because I've travelled by myself in situations where it was very difficult to meet other people socially. However, if your daughter has a car and there's a town or city within a reasonable distance where she could go meet people or even just sit in pubs or cafes and be surrounded by people when she wants to, she'll be fine. Not so much if she's on a farflung island with one ferry a week to the mainland maybe.

She’s not going to be stuck - and she’ll have a phone and the internet so can chat with people if lonely.

Also sounds like she can afford to change her mind if she gets a couple of weeks into it and doesn’t like it.

I’d have loved it at her age - especially after two months of intensive travel.

She’ll take two weeks to just decompress, get over jet lag, wash and sort all her travel stuff. Sleep in, read books, catch up on movies.

Two weeks to get into a good routine doing online courses, an exercise routine etc.

Then that’s a month gone. If she doesn’t enjoy the solitude I’m sure she’ll reach out and have friends come and stay with her, or change location to somewhere less rural.

Are you particularly worried about depression for a specific reason?

What about house sitting? I have had some lovely girls who sound like your daughter to house sit when we have gone away. She gets a home-from-home, can pick a series of lovely locations and gets paid too.

Have you ever been alone for 2 months yourself OP? What are your concerns actually based on? Travelling plus time after to decompress and reflect sounds perfect, she’s clearly got her head screwed on.

My thoughts are, how in earth is she paying for all of this?!

That’s been covered up thread! Go to the OP & click See all OP’s posts.

You'd think with a Swedish father you might be a bit more understanding of the Swedish desire to be alone, isolated and not to always have noise or interference from others.

It is quite normal and I think self reflection can be a good thing.

Equally, a nice shotgun and plenty of cartridges would be in order !

I think it sounds fine, being happy in your own company is a great trait to have. She may hate it, she may just be fine. These days with the internet / video calls at your finger tips you’re never truly alone

Sounds amazing. Am jealous

Agree with most other comments, the ability to be happy and content in your own company is totally underrated yet it is so, so important. Your DD sounds very wise and mature ... and having a car, access to the Internet and sufficient financial resources will make it easy to move on if it doesn't work out. She's not going to be totally isolated (unless she only shops on line), presumably she will be going to a local town or village occasionally for supplies.

My thoughts exactly 😆

Sounds great - if she gets bored a couple of weeks in she can change her plan or invite a friend to join her. Not like she had to make the decision then remain locked inside. What a fun year. Very lucky!

Sounds good to me. Certainly better than doing national service. She should do this while she can because if the Tories get in then gap years cease to exist again and she can she did it.

That’s so small-minded. I spent a full winter totally alone on an island where no one else lived, where bad weather meant the supply boat sometimes couldn’t come for three weeks — I loved it, and I wasn’t much older than the OP’s daughter.

That's a wonderful idea, very mature of her.

she has close to 1mil from carefully invested inheritance (more than I’ll ever have) from her dads side, so financially I don’t think she will ever struggle

Wowsers.

I think it sounds like a brilliant idea & your DD will 'find' herself & know who she is without any interference from the outside world by being on her own & relying on herself for a short time in her life. She will know if it's for her or not once she'd been on her own for a little while. She sounds very sensible & grown up so I'd not try to put her off or give negative comments to her plans, maybe suggest her staying in the UK though so she can get home easier if needs be. Support her & say you'll always be just a phone call away so if she needs you or anything to call home.

The car and the internet won’t get you far in very rural areas if the weather doesn’t play ball, which is a risk in those months (ffs).

You're acting as though she's off to a cabin without electricity in Alaska rather than a bog-standard Air BnB in the UK. She's hardly going to be stranded for two months, is she?

Yes, but she can leave if she’s not enjoying herself. She’s not bound to this location, and she has money and lots of options.

How amazingly lucky your DD is. I hope she has a great time.

She's 18. Loads of people are fully independent by then, paying bills, feeding themselves, going to work.

It sounds like she'll be meeting the world and his wife in the previous 9 months. She might need a bit of downtime. I would.

She sounds fantastic and it all sounds amazing. Let her go out there and do her thing.

Wow. how did that come about? What a fantastic thing to do. It's great for young people to learn self-reliance and how to be in their own skin and own company.

Agree with PPs, and just to add- if you try to persuade her out of it and tell her she’ll hate it, it’ll make it that much harder for her to admit she does hate it and wants to come home (if she does, which I’m by no means sure she will!)

She’ll think you’ll be all “told you so”- so I would just go with it and see what happens. As everyone else has said, she can always change her plans (as long as by then it hasn’t become a point of principle for her - that she knows her own mind despite what her mother thinks etc etc)