DD spending a while totally alone

[Abeelikenoother]

Hi all, DD is 18, she’s in sixth form and is taking a gap year next year.
Her plans for gap year so far are

• Backpacking Italy with a friend in the summer
• New York/US East Coast with her dad for 4 weeks in Sept/Early Oct
• South Africa - Australia - New Zealand Jan/Feb
• Europe (Greek Island Hoping/Spain/City sightseeing March-August with breaks at home and holidays with friends (she has a Swedish passport from her dad so no concerns about visa)

Now for mid Oct - mid December she wants to find a little rural cottage on AirBnB and just be by herself for a while. She tells me she will spend time trying new recipes and cooking, reading, writing, learning a new skill, going on walks, yoga, meditation etc.
She has a car so wouldn’t be totally isolated.
Now I’m worried this isn’t a great idea, She wants to do somewhere really rural unsure on if she wants UK or not.
My concern is she quite a sociable person and I think two months totally alone could be very very bad for her mental health. I think she thinks it will be peaceful but I worry it will be lonely.
We live in North Yorkshire so I’ve suggested if she does do it, it may be best to stay within an hour or 2 so she can come home for a weekend or similar.

AIBU to think this is a bad idea? What are your thoughts?

What a wonderful travel itinerary and the remote cottage by yourself is something I would have loved to have done-but maybe with a dog! It was on my bucket list to challenge myself to holiday alone (after two exDP's who were insufferably impatient when going anywhere or doing anything like a holiday and ruined them many times because of this).
At the grand old age of 50 and adult kids self sufficient, I flew to France, hired a car, stayed in a chateau, drank champagne and drove around the French countryside for a week. Bloody loved it. Got a bit bored of my own company after a week but would do it again in a heartbeat - with DDogs though!

If she hates it she can always leave.

I spent a month alone on a Scottish island when I was 19 after my ex bailed out. It’s one of my most treasured memories.

i also think it stood me in very good stead as an adult because I had to be organised with food/washing etc as I couldn’t just get a takeaway

Spectacularly unreasonable. It sounds like she has great maturity, and it will be wonderful for her in the midst of so many busy weeks.

One of my big regrets is that I allowed myself to be talked into the safe options rather than doing what I wanted at 18 while I had total freedom to do so. I wanted to fundraise and travel. I had everything in place but my family didn't want me to go so in the end I didn't. Now I have DC with additional needs and a health condition of my own, I can't see myself ever getting the opportunity to do anything like what I wanted to do back then. I think this sounds amazing and later on in life she will remember it fondly.

Sounds fabulous

Bit different to temping in a shoe factory in Rawtenstall to pay for uni, let's face it

There is literally nothing wrong with being alone

Exactly. Sounds perfect. It's important to learn to enjoy your own company. Good for her.

She may choose an airb&b big enough that if she wishes a friend or friends to stay a night or more she can.

having a car means she can pop out any time she wishes, she could even leave the property for a days or a few days if she wants to visit friends etc.
the owner will not care if she sleeps there every night, as long as she leaves it secure.

What a mature young lady.

It's great to be able to recognise at such a tender age that however sociable you are its important to be able to spend time alone and also to be happy in your own company.

I think everyone should learn how to be alone and learn to enjoy their own company...and just be comfortable with themselves. I lived on my own at 18, nowhere near friends or family, no TV or phone - I loved it!

If she has the trust fund money, then if she goes somewhere and hates it, she can easily just leave. She won't be a prisoner there and can book a flight/train or drive home.

She might love it. She might hate it. But she is a financially independent adult so will be able to take steps to leave if she does hate it.

Dd1 did something very similar.
She took a gap year , travelled and worked.
She lived alone in a remote village in Spain for six weeks in a small flat .Dh is Spanish so she can speak the language
She also travelled to Tanzania and Ghana and lived and work as a Public Health volunteer for two months.
She spent some time on the East / West Coast of America and then went to Mexico..
She is one of the most confident , self sufficient people you would ever meet.
Obviously, I was concerned as her mother, but I am extremely proud of her.
I would have loved to do something similar when I was her age, but my mother didn’t want me to.
I always said that when I had dcs, I wouldn’t stop them from evolving as people.
Also, we have mobile phones, and the internet so I wouldn’t worry.
Your daughter sounds wonderful

God that sounds like bliss. If she’s in the UK there’s only so rural you can be, unless she gets snowed in or something, if she’s got a car she can always get home in a day at the most.

What’s the worst that could happen? She isn’t enjoying it and comes home? Only one way to find out. Sounds like she’s got a lot of personal growth planned. If I came into money at that age I’d have done a ski season and partied hard. Your daughter sounds much more sensible, she’s doing the kinda thing I’d save for middle age.

It sounds fabulous.

It the time alone really doesn't suit her she can either leave or invite someone to join her.

Tell you what, OP, I'd your DD hates the cottage after a week or two, let me know and I'll pay for the rest of the booking and take it over

Wow she's very lucky. That's the best gap year I've ever heard of.

Sounds blissful. I bet she can find a nearby pub that serves food if she wants and there will be shopping to do if she wants to eat, fresh eggs from a nearby farm too if she's lucky. It's not as if she will be boarded up in a tower. Please don't spoil it for her by pestering her with too many phone calls, maybe agree a reasonable amount of contact with her before she goes. Lend her your favourite cook book and treat her to a craft kit to take

She may not enjoy it as much as she thinks. Or she may love it. No harm in giving it a try! She can always leave if it doesn't work out.

(intrigued to know how an 18 yr old is paying for all this!)

This sounds lovely!! Is it her mental health and isolation you're worrying about - or your own?

Is there something she particularly wants to do in solitude? Maybe paint, read all the books, write her own, find herself?

She'll learn, experience and grow so much.

I agree with you op and think it's a terrible idea. I really don't see the appeal of doing this when you're 18. Yes this might seem appealing when you're middle aged and have spent decades bringing up a family, working and doing endless shit for others ..but why would you do this when you're young?

She didn't want to. She wants to rent a cottage to do the things she wants to do!

@Abeelikenoother it sounds fantastic, let her be, just because you wouldn't like it.

if she gets lonely she can invite a friend to come for a bit.

she's old enough to know her own mind.

@pinkspeakers

if you'd read the OP's posts, you'd lnow

She's unlikely to be accepted by many hosts as a lone teenager unless she already has good reviews from other hosts, and even then some may instantly reject. There are some that auto accept, but unlikely for a rural cottage.

A rural cottage in a UK winter will be miserable, it'll be grey and freezing. I'd go for one abroad.

I would have loved that at 18. Also I think it's a great thing to learn to be alone. So many people I know have been in shit relationships one after another because they can't face being on their own