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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband going away for weekend!

104 replies

Mjb24 · 27/05/2024 09:27

So it's my 1st time posting and would live to know peoples thoughts on this one.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with 2nd child. Little one is 2.5years. My husband goes away every year with his mates Friday to Sunday around May time. This year its organised to go this weekend and as the date gets closer I'm getting more and more upset. I've tried to talk to him but he's 100% adamant he's going. Part of me doesn't grudge it as he works so hard for our family and also helps me with my own business too but I cant help but question our marriage as he's basically risking missing thr birth to get get drunk one weekend with his pals. He just keeps saying you were late 1st time and to stop worrying. Aibu?

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 27/05/2024 09:29

🙄 he sounds like a dedicated family man 🙄

Ugh!!!!! Selfish twat!
Why the fuck is this weekend away arranged when you are due?

Overthebow · 27/05/2024 09:29

How far away is it? If he’s able to get back quickly then I wouldn’t have an issue, but far away and drinking then no, he shouldn’t be going. It wouldn’t be fair on you so close to the due date and you have a toddler too.

Applesandpairsofrocks · 27/05/2024 09:29

Well it sounds like he’s going so I’d see if you’ve get any friends or family who can be on standby

to do the mumsnet cliché I’d assume there are bigger problems going on?

AuntieDolly · 27/05/2024 09:31

That's ridiculous! Get some help lined up just in case.

Wizardcalledoz · 27/05/2024 09:31

Does he know that often a subsequent birth is earlier and quicker than a first? Not always but often.

StormingNorman · 27/05/2024 09:34

When is your due date?

ExtraOnions · 27/05/2024 09:35

If he misses the birth, he misses the birth .. that’s something he will need to live with. Please don’t make yourself stressed, ill, or worried so close to your due date. Make plans for what will happen if he is not there, and focus your energy on that.

He’s behaving really badly, try not to let that ruin this special time.

When all is settled work out what you want to do in the longer term.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/05/2024 09:37

Wizardcalledoz · 27/05/2024 09:31

Does he know that often a subsequent birth is earlier and quicker than a first? Not always but often.

Actually statistically it's likely to be later but definitely quicker

TidyDancer · 27/05/2024 09:37

I would be okay about this if he could get back quickly and wasn't likely to be drinking much. It would be different if either of those things were unlikely.

Marblessolveeverything · 27/05/2024 09:39

Why on earth didn't he ask for the date to move forward or skip it this year. He literally had nine months before to organise it for. That's either spectacularly dim or sadly you are not a priority.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/05/2024 09:40

Does he realise that second births are on average earlier and quicker? What is his actual plan if you go into labour? I'd be raging and questioning everything as well, it's not just a question of him 'missing the birth', for me having someone to support me in labour and keep my toddler calm and occupied until back up arrived made a huge difference to my birth experience (for example he argued for pain relief for me when the midwives wanted to send me home - yes someone else could do that but he knew how the last birth had gone ans what I needed)

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 27/05/2024 09:43

I would not have been ok with this with my DH but then I wouldn't have needed to have the conversation because he would never have dreamt of going on a weekend away so close to my due date because he wanted to be at the birth because he's, you know the child's father and my husband! He has decent friends who would absolutely rearrange things with that in mind and frankly I think would have judged him for being away at that point. Only you know if this is a pattern of selfish and thoughtless behaviour or if it's an oddly unique circumstance - I guess depending on which it is will inform what you do next.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 27/05/2024 09:43

Have you told him you are (rightfully) questioning your marriage?

Who will be with you to help you if you go into labour?

Alittlefrustrated · 27/05/2024 09:44

What if baby arrives before the weekend - will he still be going? There seems to be no concern for you, toddler, or baby here. I'm so sorry you are feeling stressed and upset at this time, when you should have his full support. I don't think I would recover from his intent, whether he's back for the birth or not. Selfish to the core.

dottiedodah · 27/05/2024 09:49

Firstly get mum and Dad on board if u can .dad to babysit toddler ,and mum to be at birth if possible .any good friends that may help.maybe ask again if he would reconsider. He sounds pretty set on it though.

SpiritAdder · 27/05/2024 09:49

I am not very concerned he is going for only a weekend, I am more concerned whether he has a quick way back if you do go into labour? The likelihood of the baby coming on those two/three days is very small, but he should have a Plan B just in case that doesn’t leave you hung out to dry.

Second babies don’t tend to be so early they are before the due date if your first came after 40 weeks.

TruthorDie · 27/05/2024 09:51

It’s clear he has his priorities and it’s not you or the baby. Personally l wouldn’t be arranging a back up plan -that’s his job to do. I would also be re-thinking the whole relationship after this selfish and immature move

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2024 09:51

How far away will he be? There is no way on Earth my husband would leave me that pregnant with a toddler to wrangle. With my second I woke up one morning unable to walk as the baby was sitting funny and my leg stopped working. I’d actually had DS by then anyway.

He’s a selfish twat. I’m so sorry.

Alittlefrustrated · 27/05/2024 09:53

ExtraOnions · 27/05/2024 09:35

If he misses the birth, he misses the birth .. that’s something he will need to live with. Please don’t make yourself stressed, ill, or worried so close to your due date. Make plans for what will happen if he is not there, and focus your energy on that.

He’s behaving really badly, try not to let that ruin this special time.

When all is settled work out what you want to do in the longer term.

This is excellent advice. Focus fully on yourself, toddler and baby, and rally all available support. Focus on the now. I actually think it would be wise to step away from this thread at this point,to allow you to do so.

Arlanymor · 27/05/2024 09:55

If he's set on it then you need a Plan B that answers the following:

  • Is he somewhere that he can travel back in time if he gets the alert that you are in labour (i.e. will he be a few hours' away?) If not then he is very clear that is risking missing the birth? (This sounds obvious, but it needs pointing out)
  • Who else do you have nearby that can be on standby for any emergencies? Including if you have to stay in hospital and care for other DC?
  • If the baby comes super early will he be cancelling his trip to stay with you and his newborn?

Get those three bits sorted first because you need not to be stressed right now and knowing some definite details and having a plan will help. The question of whether or not it is the right thing to do it almost irrelevant until after the event given he is deadset on going. I imagine it will then go one of two ways:

  • You'll be fine while he is away and he'll feel validated in his approach
  • The baby will come and either he misses the birth or disrupts his plans to come back to you - and this will require a serious conversation.

But for now focus on Plan B, I don't see the point in arguing the toss at this point in time as it will just cause more stress and aggravation that you don't need. If you want to have a serious talk about your marriage, it needs to wait until after the birth and things have played out. Sending you good vibes.

WaltzingWaters · 27/05/2024 09:57

He’s being extremely selfish and I’d have a hard time forgiving this, whether anything happens labour wise over the weekend or not.

Why could he not have ensured the weekend away was earlier this year?

The fact he even wants to go when you’re heavily pregnant with a toddler at home, and could quite likely go into labour at any moment is upsetting. Fine for him to want a weekend away with mates, but certainly not now! A month ago would have been fine.

Toxicinlawz · 27/05/2024 09:58

Op your hubby is being selfish and the fact he's more concerned at not missing his trip then missing the birth or just being there for you is deeply offensive. how is he going to relax knowing your stressing? I would absolutely warn him that you see him in a completely different light now and tell him not to expect any support from you next time he really needs it. Don't confuse him helping you with your business to mean he's doing you a favour. It's his job to help you in your business and to do everything for his family. I'm sure you do exactly the same.

WoodBurningStov · 27/05/2024 10:01

I'm a chilled out wife/mother and would encourage my dh to go away with his mates, but NOT in these circumstances!

I'd have hoped he'd have declined the offer this year and gone next. Truly awful. He can go away with his mates anytime but the birth of a child is a one time deal, you don't get to see it again. Not to mention he should be supporting you.

Just goes to show how far down his list of priorities you and rhe dc are.

AlwaysFreezing · 27/05/2024 10:08

So, what's the current plan for if you go into labour while he's away? Who's having the toddler? Who is going to be your birth partner? How are you getting to hospital?

These have to be your priority (I mean they should be his too, but I think we can all see why his priorities are right now!).

Good men, decent men, partners and committed fathers would not do this. So, he's showing you he is none of these. What you do with that, is up to you. But I would not be continuing in a relationship with a man like this. I don't want a man like that in my life. Do you?

Are you all ready for the baby op?

SoupDragon · 27/05/2024 10:10

Where is he going?

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