Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband going away for weekend!

104 replies

Mjb24 · 27/05/2024 09:27

So it's my 1st time posting and would live to know peoples thoughts on this one.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with 2nd child. Little one is 2.5years. My husband goes away every year with his mates Friday to Sunday around May time. This year its organised to go this weekend and as the date gets closer I'm getting more and more upset. I've tried to talk to him but he's 100% adamant he's going. Part of me doesn't grudge it as he works so hard for our family and also helps me with my own business too but I cant help but question our marriage as he's basically risking missing thr birth to get get drunk one weekend with his pals. He just keeps saying you were late 1st time and to stop worrying. Aibu?

OP posts:
Samlewis96 · 27/05/2024 18:03

SantaBarbaraMonica · 27/05/2024 13:12

You know this is also a sign you have a dickhead of a husband and it’s not normal?

OP without knowing how far away he’s going nobody can say for sure whether it’s unreasonable.

Show quote history

Who has a dickhead of a husband? Me? I don't have a husband at all. As for the Father's of my kids. Well the eldest 2s dad yeah he was a dickhead but nothing to do with not being at their births. He was away for the first - presume you heard of Iraq war? and missed the second not being able to get there in time ( 12 mins from first pain till delivery)

My youngest ones dad was there being a PITA as written above

Ace56 · 27/05/2024 18:05

Marblessolveeverything · 27/05/2024 09:39

Why on earth didn't he ask for the date to move forward or skip it this year. He literally had nine months before to organise it for. That's either spectacularly dim or sadly you are not a priority.

Yes this! Why couldn’t it have been in, say, March this year? It’s not even like it’s planned for the bank holiday! I’m sure his friends would’ve understood. What a selfish twat 🤦‍♀️

Stripeysocks1981 · 27/05/2024 18:07

I’m as laid back as they come, but there’s a really good chance he will miss the birth. He’s so out of order.

MILTOBE · 27/05/2024 18:09

Who on earth are the 22% who think you're unreasonable?

This is a completely selfish man. I wouldn't call him if I went into labour. I wouldn't want a drunk anywhere near me while I was pushing a baby out. If he goes, he goes, but I wouldn't be calling him back.

He can't be a completely normal, nice, kind man the rest of the time. Selfish men are always selfish. Think about your longer term options.

WimpoleHat · 27/05/2024 18:09

I’d tell him to pack more than a weekend bag….. As everyone else has said, what an immature selfish prick.

dazzlingdoll · 27/05/2024 18:10

I'm not even in you're situation of being pregnant but no way would my dh even go away alone regardless without me
Your dh is a disgrace I wouldn't even put up with this shit tell him if he fucks off away while you're heavily pregnant and risk you going into labour then pack his bags and throw the idiot out

NoTouch · 27/05/2024 18:30

What arrangements has HE made to fill in the support you might need when he is gone?

Who has HE arranged to be available 24/7 to take you to hospital appointments if you have reduced movements/concerns/early labour and support you, potentially through birthing?

Who has HE arranged will take care of your dd in above instance for potentially more than a day/overnight?

Who has HE arranged to support you at home if you find yourself struggling in the last week?

Pissing off at this stage of the pregnancy has already crossed a line, pissing off and patting you on the head and saying stop worrying without ensuring you have the support you need and are happy with it is abhorrent.

I would bet he is having a laugh about it with his mates too while you stress yourself out. Sorry OP, but this is not normal behaviour for an adult father to be.

Nicole1111 · 27/05/2024 19:29

What a self centred prick. It’s moments like this which really highlight a person’s priorities and sadly he’s not showing he can put anyone, even an unborn baby, above himself. That said, I wouldn’t focus on him now. Make a birth plan that doesn’t involve him in the slightest and focus on bringing that baby in to the world. You can worry about how to manage the idiot when you’ve done that.

Original poster
Mjb24 · 30/05/2024 07:24

Mjb24 · 27/05/2024 09:27

So it's my 1st time posting and would live to know peoples thoughts on this one.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with 2nd child. Little one is 2.5years. My husband goes away every year with his mates Friday to Sunday around May time. This year its organised to go this weekend and as the date gets closer I'm getting more and more upset. I've tried to talk to him but he's 100% adamant he's going. Part of me doesn't grudge it as he works so hard for our family and also helps me with my own business too but I cant help but question our marriage as he's basically risking missing thr birth to get get drunk one weekend with his pals. He just keeps saying you were late 1st time and to stop worrying. Aibu?

Sorry just getting round to replying. Too many comments to reply to each one.

I've spoken to him a few nights ago and asked what his plans were for getting home quick and there isn't one. So I asked him to seriously consider going and all the what ifs!

I've not lost the head or gave any ultimatums so wait and see if he actually goes tomorrow.

I think he will. We have a great family support so things are in place for toddler and me so I think he thinks that's fine as I'll be looked after in an emergency. Will update you all tomorrow. X

OP posts:
bozzabollix · 30/05/2024 07:28

You are not being unreasonable. I would want to kill him if I were you.

My husband had all sorts of things he couldn’t do at that stage, he did it all willingly. Wasn’t allowed to drink past a pint etc. Had to be very close by. I was terrified of giving birth without him.

He’s well out of order.

bozzabollix · 30/05/2024 07:31

Codlingmoths · 27/05/2024 14:35

You say calmly and clearly if you miss the birth if our baby, if you’re not here and sober to support me, then I will never, ever forgive you. Not this year, not next year, not 5 years from now. As I go into hospital I will tell them not to let you in afterwards.

Very sensible advice. But add that it’ll have huge ramifications for the marriage, and it would with me. It’s genuinely unforgivable behaviour.

RhubarbAndFlustered · 30/05/2024 10:34

If my husband did this then I would absolutely not be telling him if I went into labour. He'd come home to an empty house while I stayed with my parents and toddler to think about my sorry excuse for a marriage.

whyhavetheygotsomany · 30/05/2024 11:00

You arnt his priority

BlondeFool · 30/05/2024 11:02

WoodBurningStov · 27/05/2024 10:01

I'm a chilled out wife/mother and would encourage my dh to go away with his mates, but NOT in these circumstances!

I'd have hoped he'd have declined the offer this year and gone next. Truly awful. He can go away with his mates anytime but the birth of a child is a one time deal, you don't get to see it again. Not to mention he should be supporting you.

Just goes to show how far down his list of priorities you and rhe dc are.

This.

That's insanely selfish.

honeybee1986 · 30/05/2024 11:05

I don't think this is right so close to having your baby . I would have no issue at all with my husband going away for a weekend but when I was about to give birth and had a little one too absolutely no way ! Very selfish . Hope it works out ok . X x

MonsteraMama · 30/05/2024 11:09

I honestly think I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that if he goes, he won't have a wife when he gets back because I'll be speaking to a solicitor about divorce while he's on his jolly. I absolutely cannot stand selfishness like this. It's so ugly, I'd never be able to look at him and like him.

Wishing you, your little one and your soon to be new arrival all the best OP, I hope everything goes smooth for you and you can try and take it easy whether baby decides to come along early or not. I'm glad you've got good family support.

And I hope your husband catches Norovirus on his trip and spends the entire time with his head in a toilet, the git.

AlbertVille · 30/05/2024 11:12

Someone who will go away to get pissed for the weekend will be fuck all use to you anyway, regardless of whether you go into Labour this weekend or in a month.

He obviously doesn’t know how to behave properly, you won’t be able to fix that now. But do drop it into the conversation in front of the other men, and their partners, what you really think of it.
“Yes of course he insisted that getting pissed with Tom and Dick was more important to him than the birth of his child. I’m not his mother so it isn’t my job to give him permission, but he was lucky I hadn’t barred the door when he got back, I certainly wasn’t setting a Cool Girl standard for you lot.”

C1N1C · 30/05/2024 11:15

"If I get pregnant now, is there anything in the calendar in 9 months that might interfere with this?"

"Honey, let's use protection this month as we have that holiday to Peru booked in 9 months and we've paid a lot for it"

It's an annual thing, OP said it was an annual thing, the guys probably have it at this time for a reason.

I say if he has it planned, and he's willing to take the risk... that's on him.

foxidale32 · 30/05/2024 11:16

It's very insensitive. He can go away with the lads anytime but his child is only going to be born once.
Have you got someone else who could be your birthing partner?

teatimeplease · 30/05/2024 11:21

Chances are you'll be fine and he'll be back which will make him think he was right in going.. but what I imagine he'll fail to see, is the resentment and disappointment which will now be felt by you and in turn will start a difficult period in your lives on a bad foot.

It's decisions like this which might work out okay on the surface but inside, change the way one partner feels to the other.

I hope he's back in time for you but if you need any extra stories to throw at him, I was 10 days over in my first pregnancy, and 4 days early in my second 🤷🏻‍♀️

thehurtingheart · 30/05/2024 11:41

@Mjb24 what a prince! Another example of the standards for men as husbands bf fathers being so so low. Earlier comments in this thread of pregnancy "not being an illness" - for some women at this stage in pregnancy it absolutely is - I have seen several women ending up on crutches at this stage and needing partners to support them! or being hospitalised for high blood pressure and signs of preeclampsia! Not only that but you should be supported by him to prioritise rest for your upcoming labour and postpartum experience. Just because men have got away with the minimum in the past doesn't mean we should continue to expect that from them in the future 🙈I am sorry your husband is choosing to be a selfish pig.

pikkumyy77 · 30/05/2024 11:46

C1N1C · 30/05/2024 11:15

"If I get pregnant now, is there anything in the calendar in 9 months that might interfere with this?"

"Honey, let's use protection this month as we have that holiday to Peru booked in 9 months and we've paid a lot for it"

It's an annual thing, OP said it was an annual thing, the guys probably have it at this time for a reason.

I say if he has it planned, and he's willing to take the risk... that's on him.

Bollocks.

Everythingiscalmfornow · 30/05/2024 12:01

pikkumyy77 · 30/05/2024 11:46

Bollocks.

Show quote history

I'd been trying to frame a reply to that post but you summed it up brilliantly in just one word.

GrumpyPanda · 30/05/2024 12:13

ilovesooty · 27/05/2024 13:51

I think he's absolutely wrong in this instance but are you seriously saying that men are only allowed to go on wholesome non drinking activities once they get married?

Show quote history

I'm saying I don't see the attraction in people who'd seriously make a pastime out of getting drunk as a dedicated activity. Married or not, male or female is besides the point. Obviously you're welcome to set your own preferences.

Therealjudgejudy · 30/05/2024 12:28

What a selfish arsehole.

At least you know where his priorities lie, and its not you or his kids.