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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband going away for weekend!

104 replies

Mjb24 · 27/05/2024 09:27

So it's my 1st time posting and would live to know peoples thoughts on this one.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with 2nd child. Little one is 2.5years. My husband goes away every year with his mates Friday to Sunday around May time. This year its organised to go this weekend and as the date gets closer I'm getting more and more upset. I've tried to talk to him but he's 100% adamant he's going. Part of me doesn't grudge it as he works so hard for our family and also helps me with my own business too but I cant help but question our marriage as he's basically risking missing thr birth to get get drunk one weekend with his pals. He just keeps saying you were late 1st time and to stop worrying. Aibu?

OP posts:
Willtheraineverstop · 27/05/2024 10:15

If he does go, take absolutely ages to reply to any texts he sends you, make him sweat a bit

I'm petty as fuck though 😄

Littlejellyuk · 27/05/2024 10:35

He is a tit with a capital T. Let him miss the birth and he can regret it always. Selfish tit.

Olivegardenishome · 27/05/2024 12:23

Wow. I’m not saying this lightly, what a fucking loser.
You poor thing, I’m so sorry. You’ve had some great advice on here already which I can’t add to but will be thinking of you. Good luck with the birth.

theholesinmyapologies · 27/05/2024 12:34

Imagine your marriage has other issues where he puts you last?

I gave birth at 39 weeks for the first two and 38 weeks for the last one, so I would be beyond unimpressed and seriously questioning his commitment to his family. Especially since the trip could have easily been scheduled at the beginning of May if they were determined to go this year. They've had your entire pregnancy to plan it!

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 27/05/2024 12:34

What an unbelievably selfish prick. I’m shocked.

PBandJ111 · 27/05/2024 12:44

Is he staying local or going on a plane? When is he going and how far gone will you be? But yes, selfish prick.

OnceICaughtACold · 27/05/2024 12:45

What a selfish prick! He shouldn’t be leaving you on your own to cope with the toddler at this stage, let alone the concern of missing the birth.

Don’t give him too much credit for working for your family and helping with your business. I’ll bet you’re carrying the childcare and home labour burden, that helps him with his work.

I’m afraid I’d ring him “in labour” on day one which “oh no, it turned out to be a false alarm”.

But I think the advice up thread to just write him out of your planning is the right one. Get support lined up, get your head where it needs to be. Deal with his selfishness later.

Olika · 27/05/2024 12:48

So who is taking care of your toddler if you suddenly go to labour?

theworldsmad · 27/05/2024 12:53

I wouldn't mind and would encourage my dh to go as I know he won't be getting lots of time to himself after the baby is born. With a newborn at least you get some rest when you sit down and breastfeed whereas a toddler is just go go go and I know dh would do more for the toddler when baby comes.
Yeah I wouldn't be bothered. My dh had a 3 hour flight for a work team building event the weekend before our 3rd was born (she's 2 weeks old tomorrow)

Id be interested to know how far away is this trip? Like others have said, can he come back when you go into labour. Say a 2 hour drive would be easy to come back from?
Pregnancy is not an illness an you would be able to cope without him for a weekend surely? Presumably the only think you're worried about is that you will go into labour early? Otherwise yabu

holidaydramalama · 27/05/2024 12:53

For me there's two issues. Firstly he's leaving you to look after your toddler when you are heavily pregnant and labour is imminent.

Secondly he risks missing the birth if he can't get back.

You shouldn't have to ask him not to go. It's obvious he shouldn't.

I'd find it hard to forgive this totally.

BubziOwl · 27/05/2024 12:56

He is surely not so dim that he has never heard that second births tend to be earlier and quicker?

I don't think this speaks well of the kind of man he is, OP. I'd be gutted he'd even consider risking it.

Hiddenvoice · 27/05/2024 12:56

He’s being pretty selfish! As he’s gone every year surely he can miss out on this one time?

Could you come up with a compromise? Depending on how far he is going could he go for one day/ night?

Does he have a plan in mind for when you go into labour? Has he thought about who is going to look after your child whilst you travel to hospital?

Honestly, I think he’s being immature and putting drinking ahead of his family. Surely he doesn’t want to miss out on the birth of his child?

BubziOwl · 27/05/2024 13:00

I'd absolutely come down with a nasty episode of braxton hicks if he actually goes, OP...

That's definitely not good advice. But I'm afraid to say it's what I'd do 🫣

Lightsinthew00ds · 27/05/2024 13:01

I would be asking for a child free weekend for yourself in the future, once per year

Either with friends or alone

If alone something like spa, hobby, weekend break

Ensure that you arrange & do this !

greenpolarbear · 27/05/2024 13:03

I think it's fine, it's only a few hours really. As long as you have support available and a plan just in case.

I agree with the weekend for yourself too though!

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 27/05/2024 13:05

I don't care if my DH goes away, but 38 weeks is essentially "full term" and baby could come any day now. Would he still go if baby came before this weekend away?

I've had 3 kids, and DH quit drinking from 34 weeks and no chance he would go away!

All my babies came early (but each subsequent one slightly later than the one before) so chances are you won't go into labour till 40 weeks plus. Still, get yourself a plan B in place if your husband insists on being a dick.

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2024 13:05

Lightsinthew00ds · 27/05/2024 13:01

I would be asking for a child free weekend for yourself in the future, once per year

Either with friends or alone

If alone something like spa, hobby, weekend break

Ensure that you arrange & do this !

And what does that actually achieve?

It's advice given all the time, however Tit for Tat is not the answer to a selfish PoS

toomuchfaff · 27/05/2024 13:05

So even if he is close by on this lads weekend, which i doubt, he's going to be wankered and no use if you were to go into labour.

He's got priorities and you, his toddler or this new baby isn't in his top 3. The piss up with the lads is his top priority. Congratulations, you've got a sperm donor; not a father.

Mcvitieschoccybiscuit · 27/05/2024 13:06

Even if he’s convinced himself that the baby won’t come whilst he’s away he should be at home helping you with your toddler at 39 weeks. Really selfish of him to even suggest it. I’m sorry OP I would be upset too. Have you got parents that will come over for the day?

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2024 13:07

greenpolarbear · 27/05/2024 13:03

I think it's fine, it's only a few hours really. As long as you have support available and a plan just in case.

I agree with the weekend for yourself too though!

So she's virtually full term and instead of being able to get any rest, he's leaving her with the toddler.
AND the anxiety of worrying if he'll be back in time

I'd be very tempted to tell him not to bother even if he is around when labour starts

Forgotten22 · 27/05/2024 13:08

I would be making it clear that I'd never forgive him if he missed the birth of the child due to him being too busy on a piss up with the lads. Atrocious behaviour from a father imo

Cucumbering · 27/05/2024 13:08

I’d be very disappointed too, just when you need him at your most vulnerable he fails to support. I’d go stay with relatives or friends. Or have someone stay over at yours. If he’s unable to get to you fast, I wouldn’t bother updating him about anything.

Samlewis96 · 27/05/2024 13:08

Littlejellyuk · 27/05/2024 10:35

He is a tit with a capital T. Let him miss the birth and he can regret it always. Selfish tit.

Well it's bad timing for sure and id not be happy with him going but what is the obsession with blokes being at the births. ?

I've had 3 kids. Was only on the 3rd that I had my partner there. He was no bloody help at all. Just whinging about being hungry and awake all night.

First birth my mum was present and 2nd just me and the midwife ( which was the best one tbh)

And there is no guarantee that the father will be devastated for missing the birth. There's a whole lifetime ahead with the baby

TeenLifeMum · 27/05/2024 13:12

For me it’s the fact he’s happy to leave his very heavily pregnant partner parenting a toddler with no help at that late stage. Dh wouldn’t have done it but mn seems to have lots of men who believe being a good husband isn’t in their wheelhouse. It’s depressing but I guess you chose him and he’s shown you where his priorities lay.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 27/05/2024 13:12

Samlewis96 · 27/05/2024 13:08

Well it's bad timing for sure and id not be happy with him going but what is the obsession with blokes being at the births. ?

I've had 3 kids. Was only on the 3rd that I had my partner there. He was no bloody help at all. Just whinging about being hungry and awake all night.

First birth my mum was present and 2nd just me and the midwife ( which was the best one tbh)

And there is no guarantee that the father will be devastated for missing the birth. There's a whole lifetime ahead with the baby

Edited
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You know this is also a sign you have a dickhead of a husband and it’s not normal?

OP without knowing how far away he’s going nobody can say for sure whether it’s unreasonable.

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