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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bf doesn't understand grief

108 replies

Starlive23 · 27/05/2024 08:25

I haven't posted in such a long time but i need some perspective.
My bf and i have been together just under 18m. Do not live together but see each other 3/4 times p/w.
Recently my stepfather of 24y passed away from quite a short but intense illness. Obviously everyone is devestated.
My bf unfortunately hasn't been as understanding as i had hoped, more or less treating it as though life would be normal.
He's a weed smoker so very often falls asleep at random times and won't text me til the next day. The week my sf died, he had basically fallen asleep almost every night, tried to call him, just for a chat i suppose to help process it all. But he wasn't answering.
Fast forward to the day of the funeral/wake and i started to feel angry about him always being asleep. Said I didn't want to but i think possibly this is a deal breaker and maybe we would be better off split. Argument ensues and he starts to say he isn't coming to the wake and not to contact him for 3 days as he needs space. Well that really hurt. I respected his wishes but felt thoroughly dreadful. Now he expects us to go back to normal. Am i overreacting?...sorry its so long, there is so much more but feel I've already written a novel here!

OP posts:
Ubugly · 27/05/2024 19:09

Omg how boring! My ex was a stoner and in we were together years and now in his mid 40s he's still a stoner loser tbh

Never again. Sorry for your loss and dump this annoying boring selfish useless lump.

CadyEastman · 27/05/2024 19:52

I know it must hurt but you've done something you needed to do. He had wasted enough of your time.

Well done Flowers

Lifelong · 27/05/2024 20:01

Ubugly · 27/05/2024 19:09

Omg how boring! My ex was a stoner and in we were together years and now in his mid 40s he's still a stoner loser tbh

Never again. Sorry for your loss and dump this annoying boring selfish useless lump.

My friend is 30 years in pastoral in a top top university...the stories...fxxk. weed has killed the promise of so many.
Fxxking disaster.

Choochoo21 · 27/05/2024 21:22

Well done OP!

Time to focus on yourself and your grief.

Things will get better 💐

Apileofballyhoo · 27/05/2024 21:39

Well done OP. You deserve to be with someone who would have dropped everything to support you during this difficult time. Please remember a partner should make your life easier not harder.

lilybloom2 · 27/05/2024 21:43

Well done Op

Stay strong you are worth so much more

Catsmere · 27/05/2024 22:39

Well done OP!

PBandJ111 · 28/05/2024 20:31

You made the right decision. You may be hurting now but it won’t be long before you’re kicking yourself for staying with him so long, then being happy with your improved life without him.

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