Oh OP, I’m so sorry about your step-dad. 💐. My lovely step-dad died suddenly four and a half years ago, I still miss him and most days have a little moment where I think “wish dad was here” - especially as DM is now in palliative care - but I promise you the grief slowly becomes easier to bare and your life/world sort of spreads out to encompass it. As time passes the grief - which is an expression of love, really - is still a part of your world and who you are, but it becomes less central, much less overwhelming and a manageable aspect of your life.
To compare your “boyfriend” with my selfish, lying scumbag of an ex husband - when my DF died I had no idea that ex husband (who worked down in London a lot) had not just one, but two mistresses on the go there. When I called him about DF he dropped everything - including whatever woman he was with 😆- and came straight home to support me and our DC. He held me while I cried and screamed at the universe and took care of DC. This is the basic, minimum human response I would expect from any kind of ‘partner’. One of the most
selfish human beings I’ve ever known managed to respond in a much more helpful, supportive way than your “boyfriend”.
I’m willing to bet good money that your dad had some opinions about your BF that you perhaps never heard. What do you think he’d say about how your BF has behaved? Would he say you deserve so, so much better?
The BF sounds like a thoroughly pathetic addict with arrested emotional development. Who is the World refuses to go to a wake and stomps off in a temper from a funeral?! He managed to make it all about him, not giving a fuck about you and how you would cope.
You can’t have a life with this man-child. You can’t plan a future. You can’t rely on him when you need him most. As others have said, his priorities are himself and weed. What an absolute bell end of a loser.
Perhaps try to see this experience, and having the clarity to end things with this complete non-entity of a man, as a final and lasting gift from your dad. You deserve someone who adores you and will go above and beyond to support you when traumatic things happen. I promise you it’s lonelier and sadder in a shitty relationship than it is to be on your own.
You sound lovely and intelligent and your future can be anything you want to make it - but you really need to ditch the dead wood and free yourself from this, frankly, absolute fucking self-obsessed dickhead.