Can't face work after this

[Dimgwaith]

Work in a small law firm and came back from mat leave a month ago. Before I left a possible route to promotion was discussed although nothing concrete but I was on the cusp of a more senior leadership role and things had been going well.

They contracted a lady to cover me for the 10 months on a fixed term contract but with possibility for it to be permanent due to business growth etc.

She did an incredible job while I was out. She'd come from a larger form and brought some new ideas and experience. Also a nice colleague to work with.

The week after I returned, the more senior role I'd had my eye on last year came up and it was me and her that applied. Fresh from mat leave and a bit out of the loop of some recent goings on, I probably wasn't primed to do my very best interview but I gave it my best shot.

She got the job and is now set to be my boss.

I can't say I'm surprised, I just couldn't compete with what she's brought to the table so I know it's the right decision but it's just been such a crushing blow to my confidence/ self esteem.

I left for mat leave on a high, had started to be part of certain senior meetings and had a good profile in the business.

Now I'm back, I just feel so cast aside, I pale in comparison to this colleague and now its she who joins the senior meetings (I was removed from them).

I've spent the past few days crying and desperately searching for another job but it's not so easy - this job is more family friendly than other places and has a convenient hybrid set up, not a lot of places offer similar.

So I may just have to suck it up at least for now but I'm dreading going back to work after the Bank Holiday.

Yabu - suck it up and adapt
Yanbu - find a new job

It’s obviously disappointing, but you say she brought new ideas and experience so don’t just adapt learn from her. She didn’t get the job because you’re bad, she got it because she’s good.

Yes she will be a good person to learn from but the downgrade has just affected me much more than I expected.

I'm normally fairly blasé about work but I just can't stop getting upset that they removed me from the senior Teams channel and meetings while I was off. I've come back to a different firm and I don't feel part of it in the same way

Option c. Take a breath. Don't panic. Play the long game:

You are in a good job, with good working conditions.
You have a lovely baby and are building a family alongside your career. You have years n years ahead of you at work.
Yes it sucks that you didn't come back to find they had really missed you and wanted to promote you - especially as you were heading that way before having your baby, but IME these things often work out for the best. You have a new boss who by your own admission has more experience than you and from whom you can learn.
Don't let bitterness and 'What ifs . . . ' drag you down. Learn everything you can from your new boss. Enjoy having slightly less pressure on you and more energy for home. Plan ahead to where you would like your career to be in 5 years and work steadily towards it.

Best of luck.

i can understand your points op, that said this person does seem better for the company overall, to be honest what about sticking with the job you have as better the people you know etc ?

Thank you, this is a great message. It makes a lot of sense, sometimes when we don't get something we wanted it's for a very good reason. I need to reframe the situation

OP
#only you can decide. Time will make it easier but if you feel like you say in a week or so - move
Good luck

It’s always an adjustment coming back from maternity leave so cut yourself some slack OP. You never come back to the exact same dynamics in place when you left and it can take time to get your feet back under the table, well it did in my experience before someone corrects me.

Focus on the positives of your role / your firm, let the dust settle then decide on your next move - to persevere in your current place or start seeking a new opportunity.

I remember coming back after mat leave and bring asked to pick up a particular project and I thought I'd done a great job. At the end of the year they said yep done a great job but this scope is much smaller than your peers so you won't get rated a highly/same bonus. I was fuming and gutted.

But a few years later I realised that it was for the best. I needed to adjust to parenting and work and taking that project was actually perfect for me. Yes I took a relatively smaller role for a year but longer term it stood me in good stead. As PP said, play the long game. It the company is good in other ways like family friendly etc. Don't rush to look for something else right now, get back into the swing of things and see how ypu feel in 6 months

I imagine work is not your priority now, your baby is instead ,i loved my job and still work at the same place and i am happy there but after 3 maternity leaves and 3 children it is no where near as important to me as it was before my kids.
If the same shift in priority happens to you it could be the better deal that your position is not as senior at the moment , if this woman is as good and as nice as you think she could be an asset to you as you get back into the swing of things.
From my experience it is not a nice time in those 1st few weeks back after m.leave and it can leave you feeling a bit insecure but i do think in time you get back into your groove , give it time and see what happens ,do your usual best,if she's as good as you think she will see that and who know's what your future might bring.

I completely understand your disappointment, although I myself would probably not rush to find a new job immediately because you also have a new baby and lots of change is stressful.

Having said that, it’s generally a good idea to keep your eyes open to see what other jobs are out there, and apply from time to time if something good comes up. You don’t have to be stuck in your current role forever.

This is the very best of MN, a great supportive and realistic answer and a OP that is willing to take heed.

Option C all the way.

Ah fuck OP this is almost identical to me.

I went on Mat leave being one of my directors favourites, glowing feedback etc. When I came back my Mat leave cover who was on FTC stayed on as an additional team member. We then went head to head for the promotion I had been working towards for 4 + years and they gave the job to my Mat leave cover not me. Despite them only having 1 years experience.

I believe it’s because all the senior team thought I was a bad bet as I would have a second baby at some point. I could never prove it. I spoke to pregnant then screwed and then said if we both got interviewed then it was legal. They gave the other person one point higher on the interviewing ratings so they could give them to the job over me.

I couldn’t face staying at the company with so much bitterness so I quit. It still pisses me off years later

This is lovely advice.

So sorry it happened to you as well, it's so crappy and its made me realise work is work. I use to think of colleagues almost as friends and a bit of a work family but seeing how easily I can be replaced has given me a wake up call

Thanks for all the comments, I've calmed down a bit and stopped madly searching for jobs for now. I think I'll have to stick with this job for now but perhaps start planning a move a bit further down the line if The new setup doesn't work out

OP, I could have written your post. Before I add my 2 pence worth, I just want to acknowledge what a horrible feeling it is! I totally sympathise with you and whilst you are handling it so well (I can see how kind and considerate you are,) it's OK to feel like it's not fair.
It's been 6 years since that happened to me and now I hardly give it a second thought. At the time, to protect my mental health, I knew that I could offer my skillset and work on the things I wanted to get better at. I didn't want my return to work experience to become bitter so I made the best out of it. I became very close to my mat cover who also got the promotion over me. We work very well together and in turn, she helped nurture my career and became a champion for me when I applied for the next promotion 2 years after coming back.
She has now gone on to have her first child and I felt that I could be there when she came back, ready to help navigate the difficult balance of parent and work.
I don't think there is ever a right time to have a family that wont impact on a career but I do believe you have plenty of opportunities ahead of you.
This is still new and raw. Let it settle, you've got this and they will recognise again how brilliant you are. In the meantime, give that beautiful baby a hug and know that you're not alone, you are brilliant at what you do and that you will make choices that give you career satisfaction again.

Promotion aside, as it does seem as though your colleague was better qualified, I don’t think it’s right that you were removed from your senior channels and responsibilities. Would have been removed had you not gone on mat leave? I’m getting discrimination vibes from that and would challenge.

100% this!

Going back to work after mat leave is hard without the added issue you have. Give it some time, settle back in. While I was on mat leave (17 years ago now) they took on 2 new members of staff, I felt like the place had moved on without me. It took me a couple of months to find my feet and settle back in.

I so sympathise, must be galling to think this woman wouldn't be usurping your advancement if you'd not gone on maternity leave. What if isn't helpful. It's wonderful your job is flexible now you have a baby.

I've had to let work take a back seat as one of my DC has additional needs and needs me at home after school. It's rough when positions come up that I know I'd be great at but need to be FT and I can't yet.

But it's what is best for your whole family and it's not forever. You'll be in an even stronger position in a few years with the opportunity to learn from your new boss.

It's tough to take, I'm sure, but 10 months is a long time out in a professional role and I think it's always a possibility that things will move on in your absence.

Hope you can come to terms with the current situation in a way that lets you think calmly and logically about what the right next move is, if any, OP.

This. Simple but not easy.

Totally get how you are feeling OP, really shit, but Notquite is bang on the money. You have to not take it personally, acknowledge your feelings of disappointment and move on. Benefit from working with this able and pleasant colleague and catch up. You will be more respected for this in the longer run, I'm sure.

I'm glad people get where I'm coming from on this. I've been annoyed with myself about how upset I've been about it but I'm trying to give myself a break and accept the disappointment then hopefully I can move on from it whatever that looks like

If you had known what was going to happen and were presented the choices on a plate, would you have chosen a) lovely baby and stable job or b) no baby and promotion?

You have exactly what you would have chosen anyway.

It’s so disappointing when you feel you’re not on the track you were before mat leave, totally get it, but like others I think you hold your head up high and think of it as a blessing in disguise.

I conceived my second much faster than I expected and therefore had 2 mat leaves in close succession. I was about to go for a promotion at the time (which 8 years and another 2 kids later I am still considering!). In retrospect however if I had gone for that promotion it would have been an absolute NIGHTMARE, I’d have been managing 30 people during covid with a tiny baby and a toddler- can you imagine!!! As a result my career is probably on a different track but my home life is good, I’ve been able to be present for my kids and I still enjoy my job (albeit that I’ve been at the same level for quite a while).

You’ve got a tiny baby, a family and loads on your plate. No one will think any less of you. Plus do you really want to be applying for a new job and starting afresh in a new role where they don’t know you and when your confidence has been dented a bit? Plus objectively she sounds like a pretty good person to learn from and work with- it might be different if she was awful/ a twat! I think you’ll look back on this in even a few months and it won’t be a big deal. As others have said, stay, enjoy your job, learn from the experience and maybe think about moving when the time is right for you.