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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

175k salary and all gone

1000 replies

175allgone · 26/05/2024 02:02

This will ruffle some feathers, but after tax, mortgage , childcare, living expenses….there doesn’t seem much left. SE London, commuting, wrap around care. Whilst I appreciate I’m not having to watch my bills I’m hardly living an extravagant lifestyle.

OP posts:
Acapulco12 · 26/05/2024 12:06

175allgone · 26/05/2024 02:31

Islington, 2 kids

Could you not move your kids to a nursery closer to where you live (as you said you lived in SE London)? I’d imagine nurseries in many areas of SE London would be cheaper - relatively - compared to Islington.

Pepsiisbetterthancoke · 26/05/2024 12:07

175allgone · 26/05/2024 03:00

I’m just honestly curious as to how people manage when supposedly I’m on such a great salary

They don’t have children. May sound brutal but that’s a very realistic choice that people are having to make these days, or at least not having additional children

But obviously you cannot go back in time. You went into this knowing children cost a lot, so you really do need to suck it up for now, the amount won’t be the same forever

shuggles · 26/05/2024 12:07

@175allgone I am firmly of the opinion that people who are so inept with money that they can't make ends meet on a whopping 175k salary probably lack the skills that justify earning that money in the first place.

Take home after tax and pension ~8500. Mortgage 2.5k, childcare £4K, bills and commuting ~£1k

Sorry, a commuting bill of £1k a month?

Where do you commute to? China?

Mrseven · 26/05/2024 12:07

You’re right the amount of money earned and spent is all relative. But there’s no need to complain, so YABU.

You have the luxury of building an asset

DodoTired · 26/05/2024 12:08

Robinni · 26/05/2024 10:57

@celestinegeode

If you can’t afford to live in the area you are bringing them up in and have no family support, then yes.

do you dispense this advice only to those earning over 100K? Or low earners/benefit claimants too?

BusyMummy001 · 26/05/2024 12:08

Acapulco12 · 26/05/2024 12:03

How is your childcare £4k a month?? That translates to £500 a week (more or less) and £100 a day, as presumably it’ll just be on weekdays. Is there any way you can cut back on this or change to a cheaper option? I know childcare is massively pricey, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this expensive. £4k would be £36k a year, which is more than many private schools.

It’s about £50 per day per child at most nurseries… so yes, that would be about right. And it’s more than private schools charge because private schools only operate 33-36 weeks a year, 8-4pm. City nurseries open until 630/7pm and have higher rental/property costs than those outside.

upthehills1 · 26/05/2024 12:09

BusyMummy001 · 26/05/2024 12:02

Assume your mortgage payments went up (ours more than doubled) after the Liz Truss fiasco - the rates are coming down atm, so would suggest exploring whether you can move/change your mortgage?

Childcare costs are, although, painful, temporary. They will be at school before you know it, so it’s a case of suck it up - unless you have room for a live in au pair or can do a nanny share? Several friends of mine did the au pair route for a few years. Not the easiest option as you have responsibilities to the young person and it does affect your privacy, but it massively reduces costs.

Are you over paying into pensions? Could you reduct those until after the kids are at school and you have more cash on hand?

In addition, it really is worth checking things like switching broadband, utilities and mobile phone providers - we were paying nearly 100pcm for fibre/broadband, after a cheap deal set up during lock down. Our neighbours got it at £38pcm from the same provider as a new customer! Clearly we cancelled and moved providers immediately, but it made us look at utilities etc. If you’ve not moved any of these for more than 3 years, you may be paying a premium for being a loyal customer that is, frankly, criminal as it doesn’t come with benefits. Sky also cut our monthly bill by 35% after calling to enquire why new customers were being offered new contracts for less than we were paying.

It’s easy to assume you are paying best price, when complacency means they are just fleecing you. On your salary, you shouldn’t feel as though you are missing out. We cut hundreds off our monthly bills this way - and did much of it online, so fairly stress free. We now do an annual review of all this stuff.

Edited

Rates have gone back up over the last 2 weeks I'm afraid 😖

Galgamoc · 26/05/2024 12:09

Lighteningkip · 26/05/2024 11:56

The run up to the election is going to just be a never ending stream of these. At least get a map...Islington isn't in SE London and no one who actually lives there would make that mistake....think people...think

True. When Islington was mentioned as SE I thought WTF. I need would assume Bromley.

Islington is central or NE

BusyMummy001 · 26/05/2024 12:10

upthehills1 · 26/05/2024 12:09

Rates have gone back up over the last 2 weeks I'm afraid 😖

Bugger - that’ll be the GE announcement. Hopefully they’ll settle back down in a couple of months!

upthehills1 · 26/05/2024 12:11

Galgamoc · 26/05/2024 12:09

True. When Islington was mentioned as SE I thought WTF. I need would assume Bromley.

Islington is central or NE

I assumed it was a mistake and meant they live in SE England - London but maybe not!

Seaweed42 · 26/05/2024 12:11

That childcare bill is huge. Can you work from home more for after school or get a childminder for after school.
Just for the next couple of years while they are small.
If you have under five's then remember you will have more income once they are in school. How many kids have you?

DodoTired · 26/05/2024 12:11

shuggles · 26/05/2024 12:07

@175allgone I am firmly of the opinion that people who are so inept with money that they can't make ends meet on a whopping 175k salary probably lack the skills that justify earning that money in the first place.

Take home after tax and pension ~8500. Mortgage 2.5k, childcare £4K, bills and commuting ~£1k

Sorry, a commuting bill of £1k a month?

Where do you commute to? China?

What a dumb comment. Have you checked the train prices?
also it says BILLS AND commuting

Mrseven · 26/05/2024 12:13

Is 175K is your total household income? Then living in Islington might stretch your finances too much tbh

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 26/05/2024 12:13

I don't think you ever feel truly rich until you reach the stage where you have the sort of money in savings that could buy a second house somewhere with cash, on a whim if you wanted it.

The more you earn, the more you spend on better, nicer things. A better car because you tell yourself it's safer and more reliable, a better house in the catchment for a better school, or private school fees, better holidays, better quality food because it's healthier, better quality clothes and furniture because you know that it makes sense in the long run, buy cheap, buy twice. None of this feels extravagant, it feels sensible, discerning and grown up.

Your council tax becomes more expensive. You take out contents insurance to protect your investments in the home, because they cost you a lot of money. Poor people don't have that because they can't afford it, and have nothing of real monetary value anyway.

You start paying much more into a private pension, you do all sorts of things that people who are hard up would like to do but can't. But that doesn't make you feel richer, it just makes you feel more secure and more financially 'sorted.'

You could be much richer if you chose to live like a much poorer person, but no-one really wants to do that through choice, do they? Because what would be the point of striving to achieve in your career, with all the rewards that brings, just to live like someone on minimum wage topped up with some in work benefits?

And even if you cut back on everything non-essential, moved to a cheaper house in an undesirable area, ate cheaper food, bought the cheapest school shoes for your kids, didn't have holidays, home dyed your hair, and managed to amass loads of savings, you wouldn't feel richer, because you wouldn't be enjoying any of the benefits and comforts that more money brings. You'd certainly be richer, but it wouldn't feel like it.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/05/2024 12:13

Lighteningkip · 26/05/2024 11:56

The run up to the election is going to just be a never ending stream of these. At least get a map...Islington isn't in SE London and no one who actually lives there would make that mistake....think people...think

£175k, no budgeting skills & crap at geography too.

shuggles · 26/05/2024 12:14

DodoTired · 26/05/2024 12:11

What a dumb comment. Have you checked the train prices?
also it says BILLS AND commuting

Edited

Oh yes, I made a dumb comment. "Bills and commuting."

Thankfully I am not inept with numbers like OP is, so I am now able to calculate that this means OP has a whopping £1000 of disposable income a month.

So where's the "struggling" aspect of this?

celestinegeode · 26/05/2024 12:15

Begsthequestion · 26/05/2024 12:02

Do you know what sardonic means? I was repeating the tired refrain that is often used against parents struggling on benefits, to point out the ridiculousness of op's complaints.

And if you really want to know what I think - given the state of the planet, I don't really think anyone should be birthing new kids. There are plenty already here that need homes and parents.

But I often see parents on here say they don't even care about climate change, which makes me think they should not be parents at all.

Well, what is it? Either people - including people on benefits - shouldn't be having kids (because of climate change) - or they should be, regardless of whether they can afford it or not (either because they're on benefits or because of the extortionate cost of childcare).

Nomorellama · 26/05/2024 12:18

GogAndMagog · 26/05/2024 02:44

How much is your house worth with that mortgage??

We live on 55k between us, no childcare now. Small house, 2 kids, 1 old car. In London.

Tiny house and mortgage not so big.

You chose to live in Islington and have two kids. You could have lived somewhere not so expensive where childcare is cheaper. These were your choices, Hard to summon much care to be frank.

that’s quite a nasty thing to say, hope you’re not like this IRL

Areolaborealis · 26/05/2024 12:19

If you're in a position to earn £175k, then presumably you have highly sought after skills or experience. Use this get you a job somewhere else with cheaper housing, reduced hours and therefore lower tax and childcare costs. You could earn a lot less but still have a good income and ultimately a better quality of life.

If you are set on the London lifestyle then this is the reality of it unless you are super-rich.

PonyPatter44 · 26/05/2024 12:20

The obvious answer is to look into ways of reducing the childcare bill. Wouldn't a nanny cost less than that, or even a nanny share with friends in the same boat? Is a childminder an option? People tend to look down on them, but my mum was a childminder for years and years, and provided excellent quality care. Even in Islington, I would have thought a CM would cost less than 4k/month.

Galgamoc · 26/05/2024 12:20

I assumed it was a mistake and meant they live in SE England - London but maybe not!

I also thought this. Either way, OP isn't sure where they live apparently.

DodoTired · 26/05/2024 12:20

andfinallyhereweare · 26/05/2024 03:24

@175allgone i had two kids in nursey (recently) in Islington and childcare wasn’t 4k a month…

I don’t even live in Islington and from this year one child in a full time nursery is 2K. Not in a posh nursery btw

AbsolutelyNebulous · 26/05/2024 12:21

It’s all very well people sneering and playing their tiny violins 🙄 but the Op pays more in tax than a huge number of people even earn. To be able to earn this salary she has to pay £48k from her after tax income for childcare. Yet she’s also the person the sneering idiots think should pay more income tax to cover NHS/benefit increases/education/insert your favourite here. Oh and she definitely shouldn’t get a minute of her childcare subsidised!

If she makes the changes so many here are suggesting such as stopping work or going part time for a few years then she’s paying less/no tax. If she moves somewhere significantly cheaper chances are she’s not going to be earning £175k so again, less tax going into the pot.

It’s true that on an individual basis people like the OP have choices but there’s a bigger picture here. For every Sarah earning over £100k there’s probably 20 Sophie’s on £25k full time, not to mention the 10 Kates in their £14k part time, school hours job and the 3 Lucy’s who can’t earn anything because of illness, disability or caring commitments. You need enough Sarah’s paying tax on high salaries rather than deciding to reduce their hours or take a lower salary to live somewhere cheaper, therefore putting less into the pot that subsidises Sophie, Kate and Lucy. Sarah and her dc will still be very comfortably off but the others probably won’t.

DodoTired · 26/05/2024 12:22

PonyPatter44 · 26/05/2024 12:20

The obvious answer is to look into ways of reducing the childcare bill. Wouldn't a nanny cost less than that, or even a nanny share with friends in the same boat? Is a childminder an option? People tend to look down on them, but my mum was a childminder for years and years, and provided excellent quality care. Even in Islington, I would have thought a CM would cost less than 4k/month.

Nannies cost at least £15 per hour gross now, for one child, and most £18 per hour.

ManchesterLu · 26/05/2024 12:22

I'm sure lots of people have already said this, but there is no way anyone should be struggling on that amount of money. For goodness sake. If your mortgage is huge - move. Even if you have to pay stamp duty, it'll benefit you in the long term. Move areas, downsize, whatever. The amount of money you have is something that many people can only dream of and, as others have said, the amount you have LEFT OVER is more than a lot of people have to start with.

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