I need so parenting advice please 🙏

[Blueberryancakes]

Last day of term and I said I’d give my daughter £10 as a treat to spend in the toy shop.
She came out of school and also asked for a cake at the cake
shop and I said ok.

At the toy shop she was upset that I wouldn’t spend £20 on a toy. I explained we only had £10. She chose a toy for £10 all the way home she sulked and cried because it wasn’t the £20 one.

Im really pissed off with how ungrateful she was. So I told her she wasn’t having a cake.

Shes now in her room screaming, stamping her feet and making herself sick

am I in the wrong going back on my word buying her a cake?

OP never stated she was in poverty or that she had tried to negotiate waiting for the £20 toy. I always preferred to negotiate with my children and buy them a toy they valued. I would not have compromised on a £10 toy if that is not what they wanted. You are all missing the point. A 9 year old should be allowed to express how she feels. Not be beaten down and chastised for being ungrateful. That £10 has been completely wasted better to have taken the toy back as this would have been the best lesson. The cake is a symbol of a parent overpowering the child and carrying on an argument which should have ended with the toy in the first place.

I would of done the same, I can understand why you are pissed off. At 9, she must know there is no magic money tree and I'm guessing she doesn't normally get random gifts. I think you have done right and when she's calmed down explain how upset you were and behaviour of a toddler isn't tolerated and enjoy cake tomorrow.

Op stated she did not have 20 pounds. 9 year olds can articulate themselves without screaming because they didn't get their way. I may agree with you more if the child was 3.

Tomorrow may well be a new day but your DD needs to learn that bad behaviour doesn't get rewarded and if you buy her the cake so soon she'll still associate it that having a tantrum has got her what she wanted.

Buy her cake by all means but not before she's taught that her behaviour while out and the carry on once home is not what most parents would reward.

You could have told her that if she wanted the more expensive toy, she would have to forgo the cake, rather than just saying 'no' and then depriving her of the cake anyway. Is she normally well behaved? I have to say, as it's an end of term treat, I would have probably been a touch more lenient, but that would depend on her behaviour overall.

I'm with you 100%. I don't get all these Victorian Workhouse parents.

Is that satire?

Presumably you could have afforded it, though, especially if you explained that it was either the more expensive toy and nothing, or the cheaper toy and the cake.

Wow. Just… 🤯

Seriously I actually despair.....

Honestly, if you can afford £10 for a toy you can afford £20 for a (probably better) toy.

Nah. You’re at the wind up.

No. People are very harsh on the kid. £10 is what I would have been given as an end of term treat when I was 9, which was 32 years ago!!

What is that logic? It's irrelevant the girls budget was 10 pounds not twenty pounds.

Have you even bothered to read the OP before demonising a 9 year old girl for expressing her emotions about a £10 toy?

The 9 year olds subsequent ‘screaming’ was a result of not getting the cake she was promised after the toy event.

OP asked for parenting advice we are all allowed to express ourselves and how we would deal with the situation without being chastised by others!

Not really. Either the OP is in poverty or she is not.

OP never stated she was in poverty

Seriously, never stated it because OP may not be.
Why do you assume that because the OP didn't have an extra £10 on her she's "in poverty"?

'An extra £10 on her'? Unless the shop is located in the 1970s, then they presumably take card transactions. If an extra £10 is truly going to blow the OP's budget, she is probably best not spending money on toys in the first place.

Totally agree. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills with all these grinches.

I know! Some people just love to twist everything to suit their agenda even if it means leaving a 9 year old in emotional pain and turmoil over a £1 cake!

Whether or not you could have afforded the £20 toy is largely irrelevant - you gave her a limit of £10. You did the right thing not giving in. Some kids push boundaries like this all the time and others are just exhausted at this time of year.

I'm asking why it's assumed the OP is in poverty...
So your answer is irrelevant to what I'm asking.

OP literally states,

‘£10 is a lot of money for me and I felt I was doing a nice thing’.

Children don’t understand the value or concept of money.
you could have said you can’t afford to buy it that week but if you wait until next week it can be bought. Then she doesn’t have a toy she doesn’t want

Yes me too.

I recently spent $60 on a Christmas present for DS8 that we had discussed he wanted. When it arrived I think he was in a mood about something and instead of saying thank you he said it was a terrible present.

Back it went to amazon despite pleas and tears. Hopefully lesson learned.