Should I refuse reception settling in days if I can?

[Jiski]

Hi,

Has anyone ever gotten their child to stay full time when it’s supposed to be a settling in day. Can you do it? How did you do it?

I’ve read on an old post that it was possible, but the link to government guidance doesn’t work and I don’t know if I just can’t find it or if it’s outdated advice now.

My son already goes to nursery full time and does lots of other activities like Squirrels and swimming so he’s used to long days. Also, I don’t think he needs to settle in as he’s been to playgroup at the school a number of times and should be in a class with 3 of his nursery friends.

FYI I don’t have any annual leave left as my annual leave year resets in November.

Thanks

I think schools should make it clear its optional
"We strongly encourage a staggered settling period of X days for X Y and Z reason. However your child is able to start full time straight away if you feel this is the best option for them, please let us know by 1st June which option you would like for your child'

Oh gosh are they still doing this nonsense? My DS is 20 now. When he started reception they wanted him in mornings only for 6 weeks. I had to use my lunch taking him back to the nursery 6 miles away for the afternoon. He'd been doing 8.30-6 (4 days a week) since 6 months old

Was luckier than some though as he was a November baby. Those who had birthday from January onwards were half days until after Xmas. Ridiculous

My eldest 2 now 29 and ,32 year went in full time from the start. Made no difference to settling in either way

I’d be very surprised if he was the only one. Might depend on whether the school have been open about being able to attend full time from day one. At DT’s school, in both classes about half went full time from day one.

Just send them in full time from day 1. They may be the only ones, but that means they will meet more friends.

None of my daughters class went full time from the start. And majority of parents were working full time professional roles. For children who had attended the attached pre school, parebts could pay £5 an hour for their child to attend there when not at school to make up to a full day, others just made it work by juggling their hours,taking leave etc. A few tag teamed and mum A had children ABCD on Mondays, Mum B on Tuesdays etc so each one only had to take a quarter of the leave

Several parents were aware of their right to start full time from day 1. But in a small village school, no one wanted to be the parent who said to the school 'we know our rights and demand our child starts full time from day 1'. The school had made it very clear they placed a high value on gradual settling at their look rounds. It wouldn't have been a good start to a 7 year relationship with the people who are caring for your child, to say 'you have decades of experience in reception settling but we think we know better from looking at a government website'. It's like going into a drs and saying 'this website says you need to give me this medicine, so I clearly know more than you despite your many years of medical school'. And I personally don't agree that gradual settling was needed, but I wasn't about to alienate what is otherwise a fantastic school.

OP has said there are likely to be others, so you're right.

Giving parents the choice would be the best option. Personally I don't see how it settles the child for them to have a disrupted timetable for the first few weeks. I think we start schooling too young in England but if they are starting school at 4-5 then a few weeks of half days isn't going to make a difference. Just get on with it and let them get used to the new normal.

All of the posters saying the OP should have been prepared - how? I'd never heard of staggered starts until I read about them on Mumsnet. They didn't happen when I started school 40 years ago and I had never heard of anyone doing them. I would have been surprised by it too if my child's school had done them. Thankfully they didn't. Plus you don't know what school you are getting until allocations are made in April, at which point the OP was already halfway through her annual leave year.

I sympathise as DC1's first week was drawn out and it was annoying for us having take a lot of AL to cover it. But she did enjoy it and settled quite well and I know she would have been very upset if she'd been the only child forced to be there FT from day dot. So personally I feel as parents we do just need to suck this one up really.

I know she would have been very upset if she'd been the only child forced to be there FT from day dot. So personally I feel as parents we do just need to suck this one up really.

Why do you think parents need to suck it up, rather than the school allowing all pupils to start full time, and offering flexible starts to those who need them?

None of my three kids did the 'settling in' thing. I'm not even sure their school does it!

I would try and make transition work, do you have any grandparents who could help. Or take dependent leave. Depending on cohort, your DC might be the only one who is stopping the full day. This won't be nice for them, a new setting with new people and then everyone but you goes home for lunch and you are by yourself for the afternoon. Or shuttled off to another class with all new adults and no-one you know. Did your DC have settling in days for their private nursery care? I would chat to the head and if they look at you like you have 2 heads, it's likely your DC will be the only one stopping. I know this years reception had 3 settling in days and everyone did the half days. Tbh this is a your family's annual leave problem, almost every school has settling in days, it was likely mentioned when you went for a look round so you should have planned accordingly.

True. It depends how many parents know they can insist. From my experience we've only had four children in the last five years. Out of approximately 450 pupils, only four. And two were school staff's children.

Did you tell any of those parents their child could attend full time from day one though? I suspect probably not if you've only had 4 in the last 5 years.

So you don't inform parents / carers that their children can start full time? You only offer it to those who are in the know?

There is a school near us that did 3 weeks of settling in - for that reason I didn't even look at the school!

Yes, the chiding about preparation is odd. You don't get the school place confirmed until a few months in advance, schools don't all do it and you can opt out anyway.

my kids’ school has reception in all together full time from day 1. It works great.

You really think primary school is the same as playgroup? Depending on the school they may be spending a lunch hour on the playground with 10 year olds. Eating lunch in a hall with 400 older children. Not know where the toilets are. Be completely eclipsed by other children with behaviour or undiagnosed SEN children.Not know what time it is or where to go. They might get lost because None of the children know the rules or boundaries . All of this and not one adult will know their name or who you are on dismissal. You REALLY want that? Because 30 children on day 1 would absolutely look like that.

Do you honestly think that YOU would be able to keep 30 children (who you've never met) safe and happy and moving around the school for 6 hours?

I am not sure how your school manage this at all, is there an on site nursery so most children are known to staff? Or is it a small school?

Are you a teacher? I've taught for over a decade and had many classes full of 4 year olds who came in full time from day one and this is not how it looks. You're catastrophising massively here.

If you are going to ask, do it now (or at least on Monday week), don't leave it longer. Time to challenge if you get an initial refusal at the very least.

Good luck OP, hope you can get this.

For those saying "make it work" what do they mean? OP has no AL and can't afford unpaid. Also unlikely to be a problem for her child as he is used to full days away from home.

To avoid being "that parent" i would explain you have no choice rather than disagree with school policy (even though I do think it is pointless)

DT’s went full time from day one as did about half of each of their classes. Two form entry from a variety of nurseries. DT’s hadn’t met their teachers before they started. They also went to breakfast and after school clubs. No issues.

For those saying "make it work" what do they mean? OP has no AL and can't afford unpaid. Also unlikely to be a problem for her child as he is used to full days away from home.

What those posters mean is rope in every Tom, Dick and Harry, beg every neighbour or stranger and cash in any favour anyone has ever owed you. For some reason they seem to think obviously all that is preferable in aiding a child settling in to school than just sending them full time from day 1. How anyone can think it's anything other than unsettling madness is beyond me.

My kids are 18 and 14. This is the first I've heard about staggered starts. They went full time from day one.

If there was such a proven benefit to it, surely it wouldn't be so variable across different schools, in terms of the settling pattern and duration?