To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

I see the appeal of not working.
But then the thought of being dependant on a man to give me money. No thanks.
I like being able to pay for things myself. If I want something I don't have to ask for it.

Nothing is anti feminist if that's what you want to do. The whole point of feminism is that you're able to have that choice.

I'm sure that many men would like to go back to a time when women didn't work/didn't get equal pay as it's what gave them all the control.

I agree with you OP. Especially if the woman ends up being the default parent.
I have done both and soon will be a full time SAHM when the next baby arrives.
I have never seen it as “relying on a man”. We are a team even when I am at home. He is happy his kids are with their mum and we have a clean home and freshly cooked meals every day and I take care of all his business admin so he is able to focus more effort at work and time with us when off. We decide what luxuries we can afford each month etc. I can treat myself if I wish to.
When we both worked we had awful weeks, too tired to even have a decent conversation in the evenings, ate awful food and always trying to catch up with everything on days off. I feel privileged because I appreciate not many can afford this set up and I never feel as though I am this burden relying on a man. I am grateful he is working hard to allow me to be in this position and make this clear to him whilst he feels happy he is able to provide and not worry about childcare and splitting chores etc. Just because the woman is at home doesn’t mean she is subject to financial abuse or domestic violence and so reliant and vulnerable. I would like to think those are extreme cases. I have a career to return to and will do once kids are older.

Great post. Completely agree.

My mother who was made to be a SAHM by my dad was the strongest advocate for her daughters to be independent and never rely on a man. It is a shame to see the advances in equality for women over the decades being discarded for an easy domestic life of pottering around cooking, cleaning and raising children (other than pre-schoolers), leaving the grubby business of earning a living to the men. It is a precarious position to be in if the man decides to trade up, do a runner, get made redundant, lose the ability to work or die. The whole family suffers because one parent decided to opt out.

Increasingly, how well our dcs do in life will be determined by how much support the Bank of Mum & Dad can provide. Our dc's chances in life are polarising into 2 camps. It is not just the care provided by parents in early years as the financial and career support given to teens and adults dcs. Pretty short sighted and selfish to put one's comfort over the dcs' future.

@Superfoodie123 , I felt exactly like this, it broke my heart. Only got better when they started school, and they didn't want to me with me so much anyway. It will always be my regret - though I know that if I had stopped then, I would never have got back my career back on track.

Let's all just win the Euromillions...

Technically my mum was a stay at home mum which actually meant that she did all the household stuff and child rearing. In addition to which, she spent most of the summer fruit picking, with my brother and I in tow. Then in winter, a bit of cleaning, bar work, night shifts in care homes, pretty much anything to bring in a bit extra. I believe they called it pin money which meant all the worse paid jobs with no security and rotten working conditions. I'm not sure there was anything very good about it

I am sure that most people would choose not to work and to have the opportunity to pursue their interests at leisure. Most people have to work to provide food, housing, and health care. It is what working class means.
I am old and both my grandmothers worked. So did my great grandmothers. There was a short time after the Second World War when women were encouraged to stay at home and the term house wife was born.
Most women never had a choice whether to work or not. They had to provide for their kids. Working class women knew that they had to work to provide for their families. Families were so much larger at the start of the twentieth century. Five, six, seven and eight children in a working class family. No contraception. No Zumba and Pilates and coffee shops for working women back then.

I'm a sahm and I know plenty of other sahms. I'm happy with my lifestyle and the time I spend with my dcs, and I have a happy marriage to a wonderful DH. I did not enjoy working and I like having the freedom to choose how I spend my day. I'm not financially reliant on my DH and most sahms I know aren't (we are in an affluent area). I don't spend my days cooking and cleaning, I probably spend a similar amount of time that a wohm does and then spend the rest of my time doing more fun things.

I dunno. My ds (late teens) does not want to marry a girl who does not work. He would struggle to understand why one person gets to put their feet up and the other strive to earn the money. Does not seem fair. His friends think the same way. It is not possible to turn back the clock.

Dual income gives financial freedom and I hate to say mutual respect in the relationship. Without rigid divisions of labour, one partner can easily sub for the other. Makes for an equal relationship and stable finances. Like flying on twin engines.

Why is this sort of work not worthy of respect too?
Why do you equate this work with someone having no self-respect?

@Knightorrook I don't think it's the case that the work isn't worthy of respect, it's more the fact that you will never be an equal in the relationship. If you are dependent on a man for money then he will always have more power and control. You lose your self respect because you've made yourself subservient to him, not because housework isn't deserving of respect.

I have heard that one traditional definition of working class was a family where the mother was expected to work to provide for her family.

A lot of women feel this way @Blueberryancakes

You won't get many of them admitting it on Mumsnet though.

I don't think so. Work is interesting and stimulating if you cultivate your furrow.

I understand if you were doing a menial or routine/repetitive low paid job.

There's never an equal division of labour though.

If a woman works as many hours as the man (in a paid job) she will almost ALWAYS do the lion's share of the housework, grunt work, domestic chores, childcare, and life admin. Very rarely do men pull their weight with this shit. Some women (on Mumsnet) claim that their Nigel does half of everything. In the real world, most men do fuck-all around the house.

It's usually the 'I want my woman to go out and earn money too' fuckers who do fuck-all around the house. They want her bringing money in, but also want her to do the housework/domestic chores/childcare/life admin, because it's wimmins work.

Would all the SAHMs get a job if their families needed feeding? Is living a life of luxury more important than providing for children?
I am proud that over one hundred years ago my great grandmother ran a laundry so that her five kids had enough to eat. Lots of widows after the Great War. Lots of women who knew that if they didn't work their kids would go hungry. Women have always worked except for the very privileged few.

I don't mind cooking if it's for fun and not a chore. Can't imagine finding housework rewarding - especially cleaning up for other adults who are perfectly capable of dealing with their own mess but choose not to. That's demeaning.

I don't love my work, it's OK, and I'd certainly rather do it than the very tenuous role of being someone's unpaid cleaner, hoping they don't get bored with me and leave (or lose respect for me and treat me like shit).

Also, think well ahead to when the breadwinner gets to retire and put their feet up for the rest of their lives and their servant housewife, if he hasn't left for a younger model, has to keep up with all the chores until the day she dies regardless of old age aches/pains and illness.

@Bushtika

Would all the SAHMs get a job if their families needed feeding? Is living a life of luxury more important than providing for children?

THAT paragraph in your post is an oxymoron. Literally. How the F is a woman living a life of luxury if the kids have no food to eat? FFS. 🙄

Maybe the answer is not to stay at home but to not marry those Nigels in the first place. This will prevent Nigel from reproducing and his gene pool will eventually die out.

Seriously, why marry a male chauvinist?

Also, think well ahead to when the breadwinner gets to retire and put their feet up for the rest of their lives and their servant housewife, if he hasn't left for a younger model, has to keep up with all the chores until the day she dies regardless of old age aches/pains and illness.

What a depressing thought. If your home is your workplace, you never get to leave it or retire.

I'm sure I'm not alone in enjoying working. My work is interesting and valuable and it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. I would feel rudderless and pointless if I didn't work.

Women back then knew how to spell the word, women. Such an immensely patronising term, 'wimmin'. Women who campaigned for the vote, for the right to an education, for the right to maternity leave.
My grandmother was remarkable. Working class of course but she ensured the survival of her children and enabled her daughters to get an education and a jobs that were not menial and involved scrubbing.

Only now I've had a baby.. I can't bear the thought of being away from her for 10 hours at a time

My dad believed that women shouldn’t work and didn’t really need much of an education. I wasn’t encouraged at all with school and I didn’t do well.

After my divorce and being left with three young children, I was faced with a very bleak situation. My ex never paid a penny of maintenance, he ran up debts and used our family home against them. We were very nearly made homeless.

A third of the men failed to return home after the Great War. No benefits then so women had to support their families. Ask on MN about the majority of people's great grandmothers. They would have worked except for the upper class women. It is patronising to women to suggest that women had the easy, non working role in history.