To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

Well said.
Some folk are feminists except when other women make difference choices.

I used to think like you OP, even before my employment journey as a teenage girl, probably wanted to follow my mum's footsteps.

I became a sahm when I had my 2nd child, lasted almost 10 years, and included maternity leave. It was good at first, then it became so trapped and boring that all I did was school runs, walk the dog, cook, clean, take kids to activities, occasionally meet other mums. You don't really know how it is like until you are in it for a while. It's not for everybody. Also, being financially dependent is a very bad thing, I wouldn't want my children to be in that situation.

I have been back at work for 7 years now, it took me a while to get back on track, earning enough money to be financially independent. I still have a lot of pension catch up to do. If I have worked all these ten years, I would have enough money to help my children to get onto property ladders. But now, I am making sure I have enough money to retire at 68!

There's no one size fits all, my mum is happy to be sahm all her life, I was not.

I really know what you mean.

I am not lazy by any means but working makes my personal life (which is what i care about more) so incredibly difficult and time pressured.

I worked very hard for my career path (degrees, professional qualifications etc) but boy oh boy do I just want to rest sometimes. By rest i mean cleaning, tidying, being available for my DC with 15 mins here and there to just potter.

Unfortunately the bank, utility co’s and other establishments require money from me.

Logged on at 7:30am this morning and already counting down to 6pm. Not keen on this life at all.

Your exceedingly sexist, anti-feminist and offensive comments make me want to rip you apart and I totally DISAGREE with everything you've just sprouted.

Women have been fighting since time began to be ''allowed'' to have our own brains and lives. If you want to be a domesticated subservient little housewife and mother being dominated by your husband then that's up to you but I WON'T.

I absolutely INSIST on having my own brain and life and I absolutely INSIST on working full time.

Frankly, you make my blood boil.

If you don't want to work then you don't have to, but you would have to make a lot of financial sacrifices to make it feasible. If you have skills and qualifications and experience in a job that benefits others, it does seem a shame for that to go to waste.
My cousin's wife has never worked a day in her life. Married and had kids at 21, cousin works as a barrister and cooks gourmet meals from scratch every night. She just rides her horse and does Pilates all day. I should feel jealous but I really don't. She is highly intelligent and educated and it just feels like she's wasted her life, arsing about. Her kids are adults so she doesn't have to worry about them either. I'd be bored!

It’s largely about housing. If you look back to the 70s/80s current median salaries are higher in real terms (50%/20% more). House prices though have risen over 200% taking inflation into account

Median salaries in real terms have been fairly flat since early 90s and house prices have increased 150% in real terms in same time.

Average UK house price is now around £285k and median salary under £30k. People simply aren’t going to afford housing on one salary unless they earn above average or live in a particularly cheap area for housing. Buying lots more generally doesn’t help but housing is a massive driver.

Again I would love to be the stay at home parent. Instead it's my husband who gets to do that- doesn't have prospects of a career which would pay enough for me to be at home. So Instead I am grateful of her relationship with him- and I think about my Dad (who was also a stay at home parent)- and all of the lovely things that I remember and feel happy that my daughter will also have that...

I still don’t understand who is going to teach children, deliver babies, care for the elderly, dispense medicine, treat our pets, provide nursing care, etc., if women are supposed to stay home all day? All these jobs are predominantly done by women.

Are we only allowed to have certain jobs?

Working-class women have always worked; they had to, as the divide between the socio-economic classes was much more marked in the 'good' old days. The myth that things have ever been otherwise is precisely that: a myth. If they had, it was a question for the privileged.

It's quite annoying when folk minimise the importance of a SAHP too though.
We're not all the same.

Exactly this. I value my career so much I spent several years completing a PhD to qualify for it. The idea that committing to one partner for life means I'm expected to give that up is anathema to me.

How about 'live and let live?' Women are not a hive mentality. We don't all want the same things and if someone chooses differently from us, it isn't a personal affront.

Lol. It's not anti-feminist to want to be a SAHP, nor does it make you subservient, feminism is about having a choice, but generally for women today there is little choice. Because of feminism, you have the choice to work, be respectful of women who chose differently.

It's also not true that poorer women have always worked. I grew up on a council estate, very few women were working whilst their children were pre-primary.

Really I feel the best option is for both partners to work part time. But in today's society that's difficult.

The thing is, this wont be a problem for all that much longer. Automation is sweeping about 8 million jobs off the UK in the next 10 years, and will predominantly be the jobs held by women, young people and low wage workers.

30% of jobs will potentially go by the mid 2030's. The problem isn't migrant workers propping up those jobs, the problem is what do we do when those jobs are gone?

Women did used to have to work. I knew and met my great grandmother, she was born in 1910. She worked her whole life. My grandmother worked her whole life too, as did 4 out of her 5 sisters.

My MIL born in 1950 says ALL women gave up work when they got married and had children. I think we came from different walks of life!

I am in the fortunate position though that I can choose to work 3 days per week and I am very grateful to have that extra time with my son.

I often feel I'd like to just give up work and let the OH support me (as if he would).
But, a dear friend lives in Afghanistan and was forced to stop working just as she was about to qualify as a lawyer. She remains devastated as do so many others in her position, so I have to remember that being able to have the career I do, and financial independence, is a privilege worth clinging on to.

Women wishing to be at home cleaning.What sepia toned nonsense. I work ft and would not change it. First in my family to attend uni, professional career, not dependent on a male wage for my keep. We had to fight hard for choice and opportunities women on this thread are diminishing and undermining the hard fight for employment rights etc

finally home on one male wage is a middle class pursuit. Wc women worked in factories or in service they didn’t fanny about hoping a prosperous man would pay for them

aim higher, for yourself for your children

This. Even with a husband, housework was hard and thankless.

Being a SAHM is not for everyone.

I'm now in my 70s but when I got married, DH, who was in a very well paid job, said that his wife was not going to work, so I quit my bank job and became a SAHM - we had DCs quickly. DH was away a lot for work so I was effectively a SM. I hate housework, found looking after dc unstimulating so as soon as the youngest child entered primary school I headed off to uni to gain more modern qualifications. Through work I gained friendships, job satisfaction and mental stimulation. DH passed away, DCs moved abroad and I wish I could go back to my old job but I retired from it.

At one point a friend had told me that by working when I didn't need to financially, I was taking a job away from someone who needed it more. My job required specialist PG quals and my employer had difficulty recruiting staff!

Whilst some women didn't work, it was always a privilege, one of my grandmothers always worked (1940's-70's) but you could be legally discriminated against. My mum worked from when my youngest brother started junior school as did I. Staying at home was something that in reality was wives of certain professions etc.

I do get what you are saying though, my dd and I think we should have been born in the 19th century when people with head of household as my exh was m, would have had a few staff, spending their days taking afternoon tea, a spit of music making, reading and some handicrafts - ideal! Alas it was a normal 21st century life and people doing his job are no longer elite in income terms, the bankers etc now earn the money

I don't feel like you at all OP.
I didn't love the baby/ toddler years that much.
I love my job, I have a lot of fun and variety in my work but there's also a serious challenging part to it as well which makes my brain work! As part of my job I can have days out and can't give an exact time I'll be back or I'll go away with work for a few days.
I like having a DH that seamlessly picks up what needs doing without ' being told',
in other words I've married a fully functional family man rather than aman-child.that needs to be directed in how to run a house and look after his own children.
I also like having my own money and savings.

Some women didn't have to work.

My family were far too poor to have a grown adult at home baking cakes.

My mother worked throughout my childhood.
My grandmother left school at 14 and worked throughout her life.
And so did every generation I have researched prior to that.

That in my generation we could go to university and have a choice of career is something the women in my family could only dream of.

And no I don't share any of your feelings OP. I'd far rather have a career than clean my bathroom every day.

No one is saying all women have to stay at home. These debates become so polarised.
It heartbreaking that some women (or men) like the poster above have to put their babies in nursery just so they can pay their mortgage. Other women want to work, obviously that's fine too.

Feminism was always about choice and supporting other women, not tearing them down because their choices are different to yours.

What a rubbish POV. If you don't want to work, then don't but don't wish that nonsense for all women 🙄

In certain iterations, a marriage bar was still in place for professional women until the Sex Discrimination Act was passed in 1975. (Of course, women were still welcome to do the mundane, menial jobs). That's outrageously, insultingly late. (And don't get me onto the tardiness of the legislation protecting married women from rape by our own husbands).

When women make alternative choices from the ones 'tradition' deems acceptable for us, we are not trying to insult other women. It does, however, seem to be fine for some of those traditionalists to be rude to me because I've chosen to use my own family name, as has happened several times on this site.

WGAF if you want to spend your days doing housework and childcare? Spend your days painting your nails, watching Jeremy Kyle and shagging the milkman for all I care. You can organize your life in exactly the way you see fit. (For this, you have the former schools and waves of feminism to thank).

What does stick in the craw is the type of woman who insist other women should be forced into living in accordance with their own view of the world. And whilst that type of attitude may not be unheard of among the more independent, career-minded women who sneer at housewives, IME it's far more pervasive among the traditionalists. Cf. the anti-suffragists, who didn't only want to deny themselves the vote but also every other woman in the country.

Live how you want to live, but don't expect others to conform to your idea of what the right way of 'wommaning' should be.

Same situation here - my DH is a second generation stay at home dad. His dad was one, too. I'm the main earner, he works for minimum wage and picks up a couple of shifts a week (now that DS gets 30 free hours). It works for us.