To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

I'm a SAHM to 3 kids and I do love it. Thanks to my husband having a well paying job and living in a cheap area I'm able to do it. I'm very thankful and aware that I'm privileged.

God I’d hate that, absolutely hate it. I’ve no desire to do all the domestic chores. I like working, being financially independent and stable in my own right, striving for success and fulfilling ambition,spending time with like minded individuals, financially contributing to the home, raising my daughter to understand the benefits of working.

however people can and do live on one wage, you just need to cut your cloth accordingly.

Actually what you are saying is that you wished you had married someone richer. Because I don't think you'd rather be putting the family sheets through a mangle, cleaning out the grate and making a family meal from basic rations. All with no contraceptive options and no money of your own.

It’s not all sitting on your ass all day, I don’t know anyone who would be happy sat around day in day out, at least not with British weather! Mentally it cannot be good for you.

DM was a sahm and spent her days deep cleaning the house (moving furniture, vacuuming, polishing ornaments, putting it all back). She would also garden, do the laundry, we always had dogs and cats.

My dad worked, he loved to garden and do DIY most weekends. He retired at 55. They we’re lucky though, remained happily married until my dad passed at 69. I’d always want to be self sufficient personally.

It was probably more affordable /sustainable back then as no pressure to spend cash on skincare, acrylics, regular blow dries, etc we had family days out but my parents didn’t regularly go out eating /drinking/pubs/ bars/gigs/cinema. DM didn’t drive, dad did but didn’t buy a new car every three years! Spent less on clothes, bags, shoes etc. We’re all very materialistic now, new plastic tat from B&M must be bought! Must upgrade house, car, holidays etc. It’s never ending!

I’ll be happy with early retirement.

Me too. Not so much fun for the kitchen maid though getting up before daylight and lighting fires. Sitting in the drawing room pouring tea or in the morning room writing letters. Yes that would suit me.

I was working in the 1980’s.

There were plenty of women working then. Thats when women started entering the workplace in large numbers.

I even worked part time as a teen in the 1970’s.

Dm always worked as she was a widow. Women didn’t just start working in the 1990’s!

I would hate to be a SAHM, I just wished I earned more. I didnt spend years studying somethng I like to then be grateful my husband gives me a bit of pocket money and leaves me with nothing if he ever divorces me.

Exactly. Some people are fantasising about a very small percentage of society. From the fields to the factory, the vast majority of people have always had to work in some capacity.

Have you ever done history?
Or read a book?

Literally every married woman I knew growing up stayed at home. Not well off families but working to kid class. It was the complete norm.

I don't get women who stay home with the kids to be honest. Post after port on here with women who have been a SAHM only to get properly shafted when divorce happens and they can't get a well enough paid job to pay the bills after separation.

I think financial independence for women is even more crucial than it ever was.

Superfoodie123 I am a retired Nursery Nurse.I lived all the babies and children as dis my colleagues. .Please don't think we don't care. Succeivre govts have made even well paid people needing 2 waged coming in tight for money.

was probably more affordable /sustainable back then as no pressure to spend cash on skincare, acrylics, regular blow dries, etc we had family days out but my parents didn’t regularly go out eating /drinking/pubs/ bars/gigs/cinema. DM didn’t drive, dad did but didn’t buy a new car every three years! Spent less on clothes, bags, shoes etc. We’re all very materialistic now, new plastic tat from B&M must be bought! Must upgrade house, car, holidays etc. It’s never ending!

So women in 'yesteryear' didn't bother with hairdressers, make-up or manicures? They were all as ugly as skin, with bad hair, saggy skin and ragged nails?
They did not socialise, didn't take the kids out/on holiday, etc
What planet are you living on? As with a different PP, have you ever read a book? Had a history lesson? Used your brain? Understood a situation without generalising?
the level of misuderstanding and spouting of ignorance about the role of women is phenomenal in this thread

I agree and don’t think it’s anti feminist to want to stay at home. The only small caveat I’d make is that either partner should be able to chose to stay at home.

Ive chosen to give up paid employment to focus on my family. It feels very counter cultural and I’m judged hugely by friends and family. Dh is very supported and I’m very much treated as an equal pension and all.

it’s totally changed my health and that of my families. We eat better, spend more quality time together and are a lot less stressed. I wish more people had the choice. I think society would be in a better place if families have a network of home support, both for children and older generation.

The mid/late twentieth century was something of a historical blip in that sense, as in the postwar economic expansion to the mid seventies. But that's less than an eyeblink in the scheme of things.

Op, I’m a housewife and mother and from very early on (as a teen) I decided that I would not work after marriage. Still went to university and worked for some years until I found the one. very early on whilst dating (by 2nd it 3rd date) told my future husband that I wanted to be a housewife. So he had plenty of opportunity to run if that didn’t interest him but he stuck around and proposed a year later. I refused to be swayed by the modern, feminist rhetoric and revisionist history.

We have a lovely life. Not wealthy but happy. We do without to make it work and do not spend beyond our means. I couldn’t imagine a modern life of drudgery work, stress from ferrying children early to daycare then working all day only to have to do housework and cooking at night. No thanks. I want a peaceful life.

When did you think think women started working ? becomes it seems you never seemed to think women ever did slave labour . You know like you never knew that women and children worked hours ever day in the mills .

I was a SAHM for years and couldn’t wait to get back to work, to have someone say ‘thank you’ and appreciate your work.

They were working in large numbers well before the 1980s
Dear bloody god, you'd think womenbwere only allowed out from 1978 onwards

Has no-one on this site have any knowledge of history?

I'm a tradwife (I can't use the socially acceptable term of SAHM anymore, my daughter is 14).
I studied and worked for a period of time, but my heart was never in it. I was being a bit of a fraud in pretending I 'wanted' a career - I didn't. When we were both working, mornings were fraught and stressful, and tea times were grumpy. We'd both be nodding off after our evening meal, and weekends were spent catching up. It was rubbish.

Honestly, I think a lot of women are kidding themselves that they'd choose to work even with the option not to. When I worked (in healthcare), most of the women were striving for part time or doing condensed hours (none of my male colleagues were interested in that pattern). I know lots of literature asserts that maternal instinct is a myth, however my desire to be at home with my daughter trumped all else - I didn't want anyone else caring for her, and I'm certain she's benefitted from it.

One parent being a SAHP does not necessarily equate to anything being unequal, if both roles are seen as important.

Thinking back to my childhood, I think the sense of community where I lived partly came from the fact that there were so many SAHMs. Everyone knew each other, people helped the elderly, stopped to chat, after school kids could play out, supervised. Now, in the place where I live anyway, I hardly know the neighbours, everyone including me is knackered and stressed from working all the time, most of my friends have kids in wraparound care, I constantly feel like I’m not on top of housework and we should be eating better. I hate feeling like a slave to work just to be able to afford to exist, and would love to have more time to spend with my family, looking after them. I think the problem is a cost of living one, and everyone, male and female, would benefit from having the pressure to work reduced. Society would benefit from better mental and physical health too.

I think the pressure to work when children are just babies is wrong and the expectation of working should be after children go to school. I’ve been a single parent for many years so being a housewife hasn’t been an option but I would have liked to have had that option when mine were young.

When my eldest children were born then a single parent could live on income support until the youngest child was 12yr. That age has been eroded over the years until people think it’s wrong if you aren’t working again after maternity leave. That attitude has been pushed so much that it’s meant the cost of everything has gone up and everything needs two wages for just basics. Single adults are in a tough situation now because one min wage can’t cover housing and bills now and pushing parents into work when children are still babies is a part of that.

I think one wage should still be enough to cover a basic life. Housing should be based on one wage. The second wage then brings in scope for holidays, better housing and luxuries and life style. I think everyone is financially worse off since parents of young children are no longer given support by society to raise the next generation.

I think what she is trying to say is that the world is heavily commercialised now, you are encouraged to spend, spend, spend at every turn. My hairdresser tries to get me to book in 6 weeks after I've head my hair done (which I politely decline every time), we are encouraged to drive new lease vehicles, take our kids to peppa pig world and buy unnecessary presents for occasions.

Life is more expensive now than it was back then, and if you're the kind that like to keep up with the Jones' then you've no chance of surviving on a single salary.

What about a 'new normal' where both mum and dad works 30 hours a werk.

This would enable shared household duties and childcare.

It feels like the current system is broken with families with two incomes struggling. But, I promised myself not to be a SAHM after it broke my mum financially and in terms of wellbeing.