One of the school mums doesn’t seem to like me

[Theponytales]

And I have no idea why?

My child and her child are friends. I’m always pleasant, say hello, smile. I’m occasionally treated to a “Hi” back. More often than not I’m totally blanked, today she even spoke to another couple of parents in front of me, while I tried to start a conversation while our children were playing together. She physically turned away so she wasn’t facing me.
It’s really hurtful and I have no idea what’s going on.
We are friends on Facebook - I added her a while ago and she accepted.

Earlier this week I stood aside at the gate to let her past and she didn’t even look at me, never mind saying thank you or acknowledging me at all!

I once read a quote (not sure by who) which seems apt: other people's opinions of us are none of our business.

If you know you haven't done anything to piss her off, leave her to it.

FGS don't add her to social media. If she wants to be friends with you she'll step up.

@spicysamosahotcupoftea

As far as I know I haven’t done anything wrong.

I guess it’s difficult because our kids are only in reception, so if they stay in the same class / school I’ve got to deal with this every day including parties for another 6 years.

I wonder if she is embarrassed- is there a chance she did something embarrassing eg forgot to reply to a play date invite or something? That can cause people to shrink up!

Delete off social media and stop making an effort with her. She’s made it clear she’s not interested, which is her prerogative.

It's not difficult at all. There are 30 other kids with parents in the class. Make friends with someone else and respect her choice.

We can't like everyone. This is completely normal. Sometimes two people just don't "click". As long as everyone can stay civil, then it's no big deal. Stop trying so hard, OP, and concentrate on your actual, real friends.

@spicysamosahotcupoftea what about my kid and her kid being friends though?

It really doesn't matter. Or at least it shouldn't. Just live your life.

What about it? It's lovely for your child but they will also have / make other friends.

My DS is friends with pretty much his whole class (Y4) but I wouldn't say I'm friends with even a handful of parents.

If you see her and she makes eye contact, be civil. Hi and Bye. And leave it at that. If she wants to be your friend she will.

You don't have to be friends with all the parents of your child's friends - that would be weird, quite frankly. Keep it to the bare minimum to facilitate your children's activities and that's all that is required.

I’m not wanting to be friends, but to be actively ignored and not even to say thank you when someone stands aside for you? Isn’t that just rude?

There is a mum at my school like this. She was very short to me one day when I was inviting her along to a group meet up on the park.

She does all that eye contact avoiding, non speaking stuff.

It’s not you it’s her.

She might only be able to speak to people she knows.
Be intimidated by people she isn’t friends with.
Have social anxiety
Turns her body away so she doesn’t feel awkward

OR you might not be her cup of tea - and as the saying goes ‘we can’t be everyone’s cup of tea as we’d all be mugs’ 😁

You've not done anything wrong - it’s her.

If you feel it's rude, then tell her so. Personally, I'd just leave her to it, but that's just me.

Your children will play with lots of different kids over the next few years. Some of the parents you'll click with, and you can sit & chat whilst the kids play ,others. You'll vaguely acknowledge each other whilst the kids play.

Maybe she finds you intimidating.

People who are up their own arses will be more upset when you fail to acknowledge them than you are right now.

Just ignore her! I can stare through people like they’re a piece of glass. She’ll be more upset than you are.

It's not a reflection on you, she might be painfully shy and that can sometimes come across as very rude? The other person she was chatting to, she might know them from outside of school and feel comfortable chatting to them.

Just keep being polite, smile say hi if you wish. I know a parent like this, our kids are good friends. On the school run she's in/out and doesn't engage with anyone, make eye contact etc. However when I've seen her at parties and sat down, she's been absolutely fine. It might just be she doesn't want to chat to people, I think it's actually quite common!

This happens to me all the time

I think it's because I'm a. Stunningly attractive 😉 or just b. Have a resting bitch face

Personally I would ask her, at this point you gave nothing to lose

Christ, these comments. What is it with people on Mumsnet who supposedly go through life never being affected by anything ever?

Friend of 20yrs cut me out her life? Oh well, it's her decision who she's friends with. I'll just move on

Someone is actively rude to me every day in life? Oh well, I'll just ignore it and move on

Boyfriend of six months suddenly ghosted me? Oh well, not to worry, he's probably not interested anymore , I'll just move on.

Is that genuinely how you people live your lives? You never get upset about or try to figure out someone else's actions? Never give it a second thought? I'm not buying it.

As the old Yorkshire saying goes, 'there's nowt so queer as folk'. Yes, it's weird and rude, but that's a 'her' problem. I'd let this roll off me and give it no reaction whatsoever. That, or wave cheerily and say 'morning, Sheila!' in a very loud voice.

You can't argue with passive aggression, so don't try. The reason this behaviour is effective (if cowardly and childish) is because it allows for plausible deniability. Start asking for answers about her behaviour and you're the one who'll come across as unreasonable.

When people are being this pointed, nothing gets up their hooters more than a target who doesn't do them the courtesy of even noticing.

You worry about these things when your kids are in primary school. What you come to realise is it's a very short time and even if parents loathe each other if your kids want to be friends there's sod all that will get in the way of that ( well sod all concerning parents anyway).

So be civil, be polite and ignore it.

I wouldn't worry. its a lot to expect all 30 parents to like you. just because children will be friends doesn't mean the parents do. id pay her no mind

If it's someone who matters to me - someone who was a real friend, not these fly-by-night 'friendship groups' - then yes, it would bother me extremely. If it was a colleague who I'd previously worked with closely and well, and who suddenly turned on me, I'd mind. And if I thought I could, I'd attempt to heal the breach.

Some ship I pass in the night at the school gates? Strangers making snap judgements? Or automatically assuming it must be because of me personally, or something I've 'done wrong?' No.

For my part, I'm amazed people have sufficient headspace to fill it with this stuff. In my world life's too short and I especially have no time for passive aggression: a form of behaviour I despise.

People are either worthy of your notice, or they're not. Choose your battles.

I've e never been friends with mums of my kids friends. And between eldest starting school ( 1995) and youngest leaving (2020) it's never been an issue