AIBU to think we simply don’t socialize like our parents did?

[Enchanted82]

I have been thinking lately about how much more insular and less social people are now compared to my parents era. I’m early forties, young family, lived in different places and always put friendships and making new friends/acquaintances a priority and I love hosting but I do feel lots of other families don’t seem to want/enjoy having people round or meeting up much at all!
in the 80’s my parents and friends parents were round each others houses, enjoying their company regularly but I don’t feel my husband and I have this despite being sociable people.
what’s changed?

people now have to spend a fortune on their houses, not much to spare

Well in our situation that would be about £200 on taxis 😂Not sure how the nominated driver would work, presumably they would first have to drive to all the houses to pick everyone up and driver them back for the starter and then all back home at the end of the night, sounds quite a lot of work for them. And that's assuming everyone fits in one car which is unlikely.

And is the main course sat on the side going cold at House 2 whilst everyone is at House 1 eating a starter?

I'm not saying it's not a lovely idea but I can't see how it would work unless you all live very close, or have chaffeurs and chefs involved!

From what I read on the thread it depends on what level of socialisation people require to make them content.

Some people need more than others and those who really desire it will make the time one way or the other, others would choose to do things on their own and happy with base level out in society interaction, or something that other posters seem to be a bit negative about, socialising online with people that have similar interests as them which is enough for some too.

Or maybe now we just have more of an awareness of the responsibility of keeping other sentient creatures in our lives?

My dog would behave herself if we left her late into the evening. But she would be very obviously stressed by it. We chose to have her, and we choose to make sure she has a happy life with us, which does come with some sacrifices.

We are late fifties. Before Covid we had get togethers, parties, bbq’s etc really frequently. I was beginning to tire from a lot of this hosting (mainly the work involved, people assuming we’d do it all the time) and then the cost started grating on us.

I started only inviting people to smaller get togethers, then only invited the ones that reciprocated with an invite to us. TBH we almost see no one now and we have a much smaller friendship group. Hosting at home now is basically down to our kids, our parents and one couple we know whom regularly invite us to theirs.

I feel it’s. huge shame but I can’t force people to invite me to things (or their homes).

A lot of people judging by how busy they were yesterday and how full the beer gardens were!

@MrsSunshine2b so true 😂

There probably is something in this. Personally I’m not a huge fan of hosting, I need to have the day to prepare usually, and it’s not particularly relaxing. I do enjoy other people hosting but then I do feel a bit stuck, you can’t just leave when you want in the same way etc you’re mindful of helping with the dishes or something… Going out is just more relaxing and people are on a more even keel with things! I prefer having a friend round or popping over to a friends rather than doing that with groups.

For heavens sake we had more than one nominated driver. You really are a fun sponge.

OK, well I'm glad it worked out for you. Most people don't enjoy spending several hours driving around the region to eat one course at a time.

Sure. I'm not aware there was an epidemic of dog anxiety in the 80s but I'm not a pet expert. It's just a huge barrier to socialising if you can't leave the house for more than a very short period of time.

Thank god our crowd weren't most people. Only having to cater for one course is bliss.

I do recall one merry guest falling into their hosts hedge come the pudding course 😂

I think that people are more stressed and time poor these days. More women in full time work means that there is less time to organise large social gatherings.

Not my experience. I’m in my 40’s I have a large group of friends and we regularly socialise. Sometime large groups, with kids, sometimes a coffee with 2 or 3. I’d say at least 4 x a week.

I have very few memories of my parents socialising.

I'm in my sixties. My DH and I socialise with friends a lot , separately and as a couple.

The only generational difference I can see is that as well as visiting each others homes we also go out to socialise in pubs/restaurants/places of interest. We also have shared weekends away and holidays. My parents generation wouldn't have the money for that.

My D.C. are early 30s and seem to have a pretty similar socialising pattern to us.

My parents never did that. They didn't go out at all as far as I remember, except to work.

I go out and socialise way more than they did.

This. My tortoise doesn't need a bedtime story but I certainly need to keep an eye on where she is and what she is doing.

My DH and I need to widen our social circle - and put more effort in...his kids are grown up and we both work for small organisations....

We have people round most weeks though to the house. And people who drop in for a cup of tea.

I think houses are smaller and that makes a difference, people often have to drive rather than pop round the corner.

More women working full time.

I grew up in the 80s and don't recognise your OP. My parents had one set of family friends and we saw them twice a year.

Another reason for lack of friends and socialising is that back in the day kids went to the nearest school, which was generally only a mile or so from their home so their classmates lived close by. Nowadays there is choice and some go to school miles and miles away which means car trips or buses and classmates can live miles away in all directions reducing the opportunity for them to socialise outside school hours. When you were walked to school (usually by Mum) and picked up again the Mums would be chatting at the school gates and formed friendships that way, often with the Mum of their child's friend. Consequently they would have something in common if only their children and whatever projects they were being roped in to.

Nowadays kids are often dropped off at school by their parents on their way to work so there are no opportunities for a chat.

I used to know someone who complained that he never went out, except to football. I said well you have to go out and meet people. Go to the pub, the local social club or hobbies groups. Unless you make an effort to be friendly people are not going to be beating down your door begging you to go out with them - unless you're George Clooney, other unobtainable celebs are available (or not, sadly).

That's the point. People weren't aware of it in the 80s.

My DH regularly talks about how he used to travel, as a child in the 80s, in the boot of a morris. We aren't aware of an epidemic of Morris related child deaths but it's certainly something we don't do now, because we now know more than we did then.

I think the OP is right about socialising differently from our parents. I do a lot more distance chatting now.

I disagree.

My parents were born in the 1930s and 1940s and buried themselves alive in the front room. Hardly anyone came round. They never went to see friends or family. Dad's now in his box and hasn't changed.

Antisocial as fuck.

I've lived round the corner for a quarter of a century and only Mum popped over and that was for my son. Came to see me in her coat with her shopping and informed me that she couldn't stop. After arranging it previously.

They are the people who you say are more social. Sorry, OP, I think that you're mistaken.

I'm 31. My mum didn't really have any friends as she ended up cutting them all off. I'm invited to close friends houses and they come to mine but with playdates for my daughter, I prefer not to have them over the house as they break toys and/ or make the house a mess. My daughter never breaks toys at other people's houses, but to take the pressure off the host, we prefer a soft play