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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why people seem to forget that if they're sitting talking in their gardens, WE CAN HEAR YOU!

217 replies

Eeepsh · 19/05/2024 15:45

I'm sitting open mouthed listening to the personal details of the life of our next-door but one neighbour. Does she think no-one else might be sitting in their gardens on this gorgeous sunny day.

And yesterday, I was waiting in the car with the windows open waiting to pick up DS1, and had to endure a racist rant from the man in the garden of a nearby house.

incredible!

OP posts:
Applescruffle · 19/05/2024 16:34

My neighbours had friends round the other day and they were drunkenly discussing bum sex at 4pm 😂 luckily I was just taking washing in and my kids wrent there with me

greenbeansrock · 19/05/2024 16:43

TheTartfulLodger · 19/05/2024 16:23

Even though op didn't say she had a racist neighbour?

i hadn’t clocked that
so my mistake was asking
but it wasn’t shock
it was curiosity 🤷

greenbeansrock · 19/05/2024 16:46

Applescruffle · 19/05/2024 16:34

My neighbours had friends round the other day and they were drunkenly discussing bum sex at 4pm 😂 luckily I was just taking washing in and my kids wrent there with me

would you have done anything if they had?

bumblefeline · 19/05/2024 16:47

Just come in from the garden, I now know my neighbours holiday plans for the whole year and what time they are having tea.

MagnetCarHair · 19/05/2024 16:50

greenbeansrock · 19/05/2024 16:46

would you have done anything if they had?

I courtesy cough and loud talking to your kids is the usual 'cover and alert' protocol. 😁

StripeyDeckchair · 19/05/2024 16:54

Ikwym
In a previous house I spent a spring & summer listening to M NDNs weekly called to his Dad, in which he discussed the trials & tribulations of his marriage in great detail.
I was not surprised when they separated in the Autumn.

noctilucentcloud · 19/05/2024 16:56

Yesmate · 19/05/2024 16:16

Next door but one? You must have been straining to hear unless they were shouting? Are you sure it was your neighbour, could they have had people over that didn’t realise how close by the neighbours are?

Some folk are loud, I can hear my neighbour half way up the road!

1offnamechange · 19/05/2024 16:56

FluentRubyDog · 19/05/2024 16:17

I'm cringing more at the fact you're obviously listening in on other people's conversations. I'd apply the "not my circus, not my monkeys" adage and move on with my life determined to reserve my nose for my business only.

I don't understand people who say things like this
Surely you have met people who talk loudly before?

When my neighbour sits in her garden and I'm in mine, there's approximately 2 feet between us, albeit part of that blocked by a fence. We're closer than I am to my own backdoor. I can hear her better than my family in my own house, so when she is talking full volume about her relationship it is impossible NOT to hear her, as much as I'd prefer silence.

Unless you expect people to wander round their OWN GARDENS with headphones in constantly, and thereby risk not hearing their own family call to them, or the doorbell going (and also, just, why should you!), it's not 'obviously listening in' out of any sort of nosiness, it's being physically incapable of NOT hearing.

OP isn't saying she does anything with the information she overhears, just that she can't help hearing it and wonders why people are happy for their neighbours to overhear what can often be quite private and confidential conversations.

Which makes perfect sense to me, my neighbour has never stopped me in the street to tell me how well her ex used to fuck her, so I'm assuming it's not information she particularly wants me to know, therefore OP querying why people seem to someone think a small fence or hedge magically renders them inaudible is a fair point.

StormingNorman · 19/05/2024 16:58

l0ml · 19/05/2024 16:28

Our garden has a tall wall so people walking past don't know we're quietly sitting outside.

A guy just walked past and did a massive fart. Lovely.

😂😂😂😂😂

StormingNorman · 19/05/2024 17:00

Do we all not just pretend that gardens are private? That’s always been my MO when I’m in a garden with neighbours.

Connected1 · 19/05/2024 17:09

Eeepsh · 19/05/2024 15:45

I'm sitting open mouthed listening to the personal details of the life of our next-door but one neighbour. Does she think no-one else might be sitting in their gardens on this gorgeous sunny day.

And yesterday, I was waiting in the car with the windows open waiting to pick up DS1, and had to endure a racist rant from the man in the garden of a nearby house.

incredible!

I'm laughing at this because my husband is the total opposite: he hates to have the most innocuous conversation in the garden (along the "what's for dinner" line) in case a neighbour is listening in.

But he's here now with his headphones in, listening to music and singing lines like "Baby I gotta have it" 🤣

Elieza · 19/05/2024 17:19

It's the loud music that they want to enjoy so they turn it right up. It really gets my goat. I can hear it inside my house it's so loud.

Wear headphones FFS.

Toxicinlawz · 19/05/2024 17:21

TheTartfulLodger · 19/05/2024 16:23

Even though op didn't say she had a racist neighbour?

You're right op didn't say the neighbour was racist but I do see why @greenbeansrock wasn't sure because the post is about ppl in their gardens.. all @greenbeansrock did was ask a question not sure what they said that was so controversial that their post got quoted a few times.

Slicedpeaches · 19/05/2024 17:36

On study leave from school I was sitting in my friends garden having a very detailed discussion about whether or not I should break up with my boyfriend.
Her neighbour, a lovely woman in her early 70s, popped her head over the fence to say "darlin' leave him, you are far too young to resign yourself to a fella with a funny shaped cock".

It was funny at the time but I have kept my voice down in gardens ever since

AgnesX · 19/05/2024 17:38

BasiliskStare · 19/05/2024 15:54

Slightly different but sitting in a train carriage - the man opposite from me as blurting out what I am fairly sure was company confidential information. I suspect he just thought I was a woman of a certain age & therefore had no experience in business but I almost said to him as I left the train - lovely to know what your company's projected 2Q earnings are & names of prospective customers - you my want to keep that quieter in future. 😏

You should have. He should have known better.

Tospyornottospy · 19/05/2024 17:39

Onelifeonly · 19/05/2024 16:24

Years ago at our old house, I used to automatically open the double doors to the garden if I was home on a nice day. I liked the connection to the garden and meant I could see and hear the kids if they went out there.

One day my closest neighbour told me I should be aware she could hear everything. I was mortified but didn't dare ask her what she heard. I presume a row with my DH, but I cringed trying to think what it could have been about.

It made me more circumspect about the content of what I say when I know the neighbours are about.

I think about this sometimes when the children are playing outside and the doors are open/im in the garden but then I think I’m just living my life and I don’t really think I need to change the content of my dialogue in case someone happens to hear me!

Tospyornottospy · 19/05/2024 17:40

StormingNorman · 19/05/2024 17:00

Do we all not just pretend that gardens are private? That’s always been my MO when I’m in a garden with neighbours.

Yes! This is perfectly put

BlackEyesLikeADollsEyes · 19/05/2024 17:45

I think when it comes to a choice between living your life as you want to and having the conversations you want to have vs worrying your neighbours might hear something by private, people choose the former.

For lots of people, their neighbours remain almost strangers - people you nod to but that (unless they are a pita) have absolutely no influence on your life and you will move on and forget. So I kinda see why they make that priority choice tbh.

hby9628 · 19/05/2024 17:56

lol. I'm currently listening to my neighbours talking about people reserving Sun loungers on hols. He's just said "the Germans are the worst for it" 🤣

Lemonyyy · 19/05/2024 17:59

Agreed. I also live in a terrace and my neighbour’s daughter was conducting an argument with her ex over the phone in the garden a few days ago, it was SO LOUD and the only way I could’ve avoided it was closing all my windows which is tricky in this heat. I guess some people just don’t really care what their neighbours think, which is their prerogative!

Femalefootyfan · 19/05/2024 17:59

menopausalmare · 19/05/2024 16:16

Especially funny if they're sat in a hot tub yelling at each other over the noise of the motor.

Haha, our old next door neighbours used to do this, they had a long, loud discussion about their finances one evening. I was actually inside my house but the patio doors were open so I could hear everything

JiraffDeSaki · 19/05/2024 18:12

Our immediate neighbour is a very sweet little old lady, reminds me of Mary Berry. But each summer when she sits out in her conservatory or hangs out washing, she makes some, er, odd noises.

When we moved in 3 years ago I thought she had a little dog that was playing gently with one of those quacking duck toys..."honk, honk, honk, honk." Nope, no dog...over time I thought it sounded like someone gasping for air, more like "Ah, ah, ah, ah." Firgured there was an elderly spouse or relative with maybe a breathing problem. Nope, just her.

I think it's some kind of habitual tic. She's a lovely, well spoken and well-groomed lady, very kind and tries to talk to my dogs through the hedge, really nice neighbour. Utterly mystified by her honking/hooting/gasping habit.

NeelyOHara1 · 19/05/2024 18:13

Out of sight, out of mind?

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 19/05/2024 18:13

I'm guilty of this, not so much that I don't realise other people can hear me, more that I don't care. Although I do remember not too long ago, my friend and I went out for dinner and she had said she would happily never have sex again and I loudly shouted oh no, I love sex! Which is when I realised I had eyes on me from the tables round about 😂🙈

Bjorkdidit · 19/05/2024 18:18

NeelyOHara1 · 19/05/2024 18:13

Out of sight, out of mind?

If only. Our neighbour only has one speaking volume, eleven and she never fucking shuts up.

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