to think that many people have totally unrealistic expectations of parenting and life in general

[emkana]

I have a few friends who struggle with the stresses and tiredness that parenting brings with it and with the demands of work etc., and I can understand that and can empathize. Their respective partners do their bit but could probably do more, this is definitely something that should be addressed and sorted, no argument there. BUT what I find a bit exasperating at times is the attitude they seem to have that they should have more help and support from other sources, like friends and family, that they have a right to time off, to (the dreaded word) "me time". At the end of the day children are the parents' responsibility aren't they? And where does all this expectation of "me-time" (that is also heavily talked about in the meedja I feel) come from anyway? I often think of my grandmother in that context, who had four children under seven in 1945, her husband was imprisoned as a PoW, she had no money coming in... I wonder what her reaction would have been if somebody had explained the concept of "me-time" to her. Of course we all do need breaks at times, but things have gone too far I feel.

(sits back and prepares for the flack)

Emkana - I agree with all the posters on here. My mum had it way easier than me - and she admits it. She was surrounded by family when my brother was born and every morning she would get to lie in while someone else took my brother to help her rest after feeding him all night. If that isn't 'me time' then what is.

The truth of the matter is that no one can prepare you for how isolating motherhood can be. Networks are already made and it is tough to get into one/ start a new one - failing all else it takes time. Nowadays if you arent constantly entertaining stimulating your LO's then you arent doing a good job as a mother. My mums generation happily admit that they never let a baby really interfere with running their households and doing what they needed to do. The LO's learned to entertain themselves.

So nowadays, not only do new parents have to meet much higher expectations, they very rarely have the network to support them. I think me time always existed - it just didnt have a label.

There is truth to that!

My mother has lead the life of Riley.

Admits it, too.

Message withdrawn

hope you enjoy it, riven. Are you getting any support as a carer at all? Carer's allwance/respite etc? You've got a lot on yr plate.
I agree with other posters that "me" time has always existed, probably much more so for our mothers' generation,it just din't have the horrible label. Chnaces are they had long-standing friends all around, close family and kids wnet out independently to play at each others' houses. We have none of that, same for most I'm sure.

I totally agree that many people have unrealistic expectations of what parenting demands. But then who knows what to expect when they go into it? It's an eye opener at the very least for all and a bit of a shock for some, especially the lack of time for oneself. And the lack of sleep. And the total 1000% immersion it requires.

I had no idea. Did anyone? Really?

my grandma had 4 kids under 5 and was widowed shortly after the youngest was born

she had me time

she left the kids to cry it out in the garden

she left them in the house under the care of the eldest

she popped next door when she fancied a cuppa (yorkshire mining town, 50s = coronation st)

she had family nearby, as did most people in that community.

Theres the big difference. Community.

Since the birth of my ds 5 years ago my mum has said many times that she would not want to be a mother today.

Like some of the other posters...me and my siblings were much more independent - walking to school, going to the shops on my own, playing outside with large groups of freinds til we were dragged in by our parents at dusk....when I think of it, my mum had 3 children under 4 and yet had loads more free time than me and I only have 1 ds!

Also, we didnt have a car so no ferrying us about 7 days a week to playdates etc. Cant remember going to many birthday parties either - unlike my ds who gets an average of 2 invites a month!!!!

I agree some people have unrealistic expectations now about what parenthood, and life in general, should be like. But do not let that cloud your view of the past with rose tinted spectacles. Life was effing hard for all but a miniscule privileged minority.

My paternal great grandmother died attempting to abort her FOURTEENTH child because she simply could not face the idea of another baby to look after; that it a desperate choice that thanks to easily available contraception (and sadly, safe and legal abortion) no one has to make now. Thank God.

My dad says in his mother's day, anyone over 5 was booted out into the street, anyone over 1 was booted out into the garden, and if they were under 3 and the garden wasn't secure they were tied to the washing line pole on a long lead.

Yes I agree with those who say that me-time has always existed but not been given that god-awful name

From about age six my bro and I took ourselves to school and back, called in at home for tea and then played out till bedtime!

Surprised my mum and dad recognised us really

so (when my mum wasn't working) I make that 'me-time' from about 8.30am till 3pm, then again from about 5pm to 7pm, then from say 8pm on for the rest of the night.

Nobbad.

Though have to say of course this wasn't the case in previous generations, that me-time would actually have been mum-at-home-with-the-babies time. I guess my mum's generation were the first to have the control over how many children they had and how they wanted to spend their lives. My mum used that me-time to go to Uni and qualify as a teacher. Up the sisterhood and up me-time

Me and my partner generally only get me time when the other one is looking after the kids and generaly only ever get us time (which is still important) when the kids are in bed.

We occasionally get to go out on the odd occassion that we can get a babysitter. I sort of agree that it wrong to go into parenting expecting everyone to look after and help you with your kids but all the same I don't think there is anything wrong with accepting help from trusted friends and family either when offered.

If your child is seriously sick or disabled however I appreciate that you may need to take sometime to yourself as the just to cope with the physical and emotional demands of such responsibility.

Me and my partner generally only get me time when the other one is looking after the kids and generaly only ever get us time (which is still important) when the kids are in bed.

We occasionally get to go out on the odd occassion that we can get a babysitter. I sort of agree that it wrong to go into parenting expecting everyone to look after and help you with your kids but all the same I don't think there is anything wrong with accepting help from trusted friends and family either when offered.

If your child is seriously sick or disabled however I appreciate that you may need to take sometime to yourself as the just to cope with the physical and emotional demands of such responsibility.