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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me word this for CF houseguests please!

129 replies

historicalweaving · 17/05/2024 08:13

Friends invited themselves from another country to stay for just over a month. I suggested they stay in hotels for some of it, which they sweetly have done. They are helpful but the constant chit chat, meals, lifts everywhere and general guest stuff is too much. I'm not good at having people to stay at the best of times but I'm finding it stressful and I feel resentful at being used even as a base for their travels.

They are away at moment but when they come back they have about 2 weeks. I'm thinking about asking them to stay out again on their return. How do I word it without sounding off? They could come back for a couple of nights as we have a family thing on their first full day back but I don't really want to host them for the rest of their stay. How would you word it?

OP posts:
StarryNorthernLights · 17/05/2024 13:28

If you value the friendship I would just suck this one up but don't get caught like this again . Next time say no.

CruCru · 17/05/2024 13:43

A month is a long time to stay with someone. Are you from a culture where it is just unacceptable not to host friends and relatives? I include South Africa / New Zealand / Australia.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2024 13:46

They sound like freeloaders. Make excuses about why you can’t visit them. Promise to get an Airbnb then not bother and expect you to accommodate.

drusth · 17/05/2024 13:53

I knew you’d have been strong-armed into this OP.

Tell them you’re sick and they’ll need to book a hotel.

They’re not good friends, they want to use you like a hotel, as they didn’t allow you to stay with them.

1offnamechange · 17/05/2024 14:09

Tbh they sound really cheeky -I wouldn't be worried about sounding the death knell for the friendship as would rather not stay in touch with people who invite themselves to stay with you for over a month. Agreeing to spend a few nights in a hotel isn't sweet or doing you a favour, its what most normal people would do anyway when planning a holiday, not invite themselves to someone else's house!

Peachy2005 · 17/05/2024 14:27

drusth · 17/05/2024 13:53

I knew you’d have been strong-armed into this OP.

Tell them you’re sick and they’ll need to book a hotel.

They’re not good friends, they want to use you like a hotel, as they didn’t allow you to stay with them.

Ooh that’s a good one. There’s a lot of Covid about 😉

Seriously though, did the people who say you have to suck it up for 2 more weeks actually read your update? These guests are complete CFs, don’t host them for even 1 more night…boasting about how much money they have!! They have plenty of time to organise alternative accommodation - they can get on hotels.com or similar. Just use one of the suggested wordings, do it asap…you will feel SOooo much better 👍

CharlotteBog · 17/05/2024 14:37

I live in the sticks so lifts are a necessity sometimes, but have already cut back and will continue to suggest bus, taxi, etc. There are loads of hotels near me

It's Friday afternoon and it's been a long week, so can someone give an example of a place in the sticks which also has loads of hotels.

Maybe a place of natural beauty?

MzHz · 17/05/2024 14:42

Womblingmerrily · 17/05/2024 09:57

So they invited themselves, ignored that it wasn't convenient to you, 'forgot' to book accommodation and expect to be hosted.

It's the 3rd time they have stayed with you. They have not hosted you in return and found excuses when you asked.

I really would not be bothered in 'maintaining this friendship at all' - it sounds entirely based on their convenience and wishes with no consideration for you at all.

Deal with this now so they have time to arrange something - call them rather than texting and say that 'you have found it difficult hosting them and will not be able to do so on their return, they will need to find alternative accommodation - perhaps their relatives'.

So they never speak to you again - what have you lost? Apart from another visit from them.

Honestly, this. They are NOT friends @historicalweaving they are using you for a cheap holiday AND. YOU. KNOW. IT.

Just say circumstances have changed and they can come for the weekend, but will have to extend their stays elsewhere

so they stop speaking to you.

result. You won’t be taken the piss off by them again.

Sharptonguedwoman · 17/05/2024 14:55

historicalweaving · 17/05/2024 08:13

Friends invited themselves from another country to stay for just over a month. I suggested they stay in hotels for some of it, which they sweetly have done. They are helpful but the constant chit chat, meals, lifts everywhere and general guest stuff is too much. I'm not good at having people to stay at the best of times but I'm finding it stressful and I feel resentful at being used even as a base for their travels.

They are away at moment but when they come back they have about 2 weeks. I'm thinking about asking them to stay out again on their return. How do I word it without sounding off? They could come back for a couple of nights as we have a family thing on their first full day back but I don't really want to host them for the rest of their stay. How would you word it?

Oh, OP, it would be terribly rude to back out now as well as possibly a real problem for your guests. Can I suggest you have a list of nice days out they might like to do? Might keep them out of your hair.

crockofshite · 17/05/2024 14:59

Why are the guests cf's?

You agreed to let them stay and now you've changed your mind.

utilitarianism · 17/05/2024 15:20

I have less sympathy for your guests than most on this thread seem to. This is like the "no is a complete sentence" thing: Yes, it is, but no, you cannot just say "no" and walk away from most situations if you want to maintain happy relationships and not look like a nut.

There are times and situations where it's extremely difficult to assert your right to say "no", and when someone you view as a good friend tells you they've already bought the tickets, that's one of those situations. So I won't jump up to shove all the blame back on you or scold you for wishing to make them go away. You should've found a way to say you could only host them on X days, and now you know you'll have to do that, if they ever try to invite themselves over again, but I do think it's CFery to impose on a friend for a month and tell them you've already bought the tickets. It's putting someone in a tight spot. Added to the fact that they discouraged you from visiting them, I'm not certain I'd continue to think of them as such good friends, in which case I'd care less if they had a wonderful time at my expense and inconvenience.

BabyRaindeer · 17/05/2024 15:54

@historicalweaving next time regardless if they have booked tickets or not, say to them the timeless MN classic line "I'm sorry. This doesn't work for me.."

Zippedydoodahday · 17/05/2024 16:01

Arrange to go away yourself 😂 and next time they want to stay say "oh perfect, let's do a house swap, I've been wanting to visit X for ages and this would be a perfect opportunity".

PaminaMozart · 17/05/2024 16:05

Womblingmerrily · 17/05/2024 09:57

So they invited themselves, ignored that it wasn't convenient to you, 'forgot' to book accommodation and expect to be hosted.

It's the 3rd time they have stayed with you. They have not hosted you in return and found excuses when you asked.

I really would not be bothered in 'maintaining this friendship at all' - it sounds entirely based on their convenience and wishes with no consideration for you at all.

Deal with this now so they have time to arrange something - call them rather than texting and say that 'you have found it difficult hosting them and will not be able to do so on their return, they will need to find alternative accommodation - perhaps their relatives'.

So they never speak to you again - what have you lost? Apart from another visit from them.

Totally this.

Honestly...... some people. CFs doesn't even scrap the surface...

cooldarkroom · 17/05/2024 16:06

How do you think friendships work?

Inkyblue123 · 17/05/2024 16:08

Grin and bear it. As they leave kiss them good bye and say well that was lovely, but I won’t be able to accommodate your stay next time you visit, I can recommend some hotels thought. Safe home !

Sallycanwait44 · 17/05/2024 16:09

You shouldn't change your mind now. You should have told them when they first mentioned it. Just try and survive it and never let them come and stay again.

PaminaMozart · 17/05/2024 16:10

Sharptonguedwoman · 17/05/2024 14:55

Oh, OP, it would be terribly rude to back out now as well as possibly a real problem for your guests. Can I suggest you have a list of nice days out they might like to do? Might keep them out of your hair.

Show quote history

Not as rude as them never returning the fsvour...

aridiculousargument · 17/05/2024 16:11

Testina · 17/05/2024 08:24

“Hi friends - I don’t like hosting, which is really something I should have considered before agreeing to host you, so I’d like you to only have 2 days here for family thing “ should cover it.

Why on earth did you agree?!
They don’t sound “CF” at all 🤨

Don’t usually agree with @Testina but they don’t sound like CFs, it just sounds like you agreed to something you shouldn’t have and now regrets it.

Sharptonguedwoman · 17/05/2024 16:13

PaminaMozart · 17/05/2024 16:10

Not as rude as them never returning the fsvour...

Show quote history

Ah that wasn't part of the first post, so I didn't know.

Delatron · 17/05/2024 16:30

aridiculousargument · 17/05/2024 16:11

Don’t usually agree with @Testina but they don’t sound like CFs, it just sounds like you agreed to something you shouldn’t have and now regrets it.

Show quote history

I think it’s very rude to book tickets and announce you are staying with someone for a month without checking first. Especially knowing it would inconvenience that person. And doing this repeatedly without reciprocating. It’s the definition of rude.

Littlestminnow · 17/05/2024 16:49

historicalweaving · 17/05/2024 09:19

Thank you all. There's a lot I can't explain without outing them. I really didn't get the chance to say no. They booked their tickets then told me knowing it would be inconvenient. They initially said they would book a house in a city but as the time got closer it didn't happen and I just didn't have the time to double check it. Once they arrived I suggested they stay at their hotel a bit longer as I had other commitments.

I live in the sticks so lifts are a necessity sometimes, but have already cut back and will continue to suggest bus, taxi, etc. There are loads of hotels near me so availability is not an issue and they are continuously bragging about how much money they have, how much they make, etc. so cost isn't an issue. But you're right, I need to maintain the friendship and accept that it may be too late to eject them.

My friends irl say to just tell them clearly to stay somewhere else once they get back but I'm working out whether that would be the death knell to the friendship. This is the 3rd time theyve stayed with me and when I suggested that I go to them, one of them found various excuses - I prob wouldn't lodge with them anyway as I prefer to stay in hotels.

Ok, think I need to grit my teeth over those last few days. Actually, good point, I can enlist the help of family members to take them out, etc. hadn't thought of that.

Edited

OP, with the best will in the world, these people are NOT your friends. Friends don't treat people like this. Their behaviour is outrageous, and I'd happily wave goodbye to the whole friendship by telling them you've had enough and want your home to yourself.

momtoboys · 17/05/2024 16:51

I think it is too late now. I think you need to put on your big girl panties for two more weeks.

Boomer55 · 17/05/2024 16:58

You agreed to it. A bit unfair to change your mind now.🤷‍♀️

FeeChee · 17/05/2024 17:00

Even although they had booked tickets you should have said "you can stay with me these dates but the others are not suitable"

You just need to keep your head down and get through the next few weeks. Stop hosting them to the level you are, just let them stay with you.

Do you work? You need to be out lots and have things organised to get you away from them. Tel them you"ll be out for the day so if they want a lift it will need to be at 9am, drop them somewhere and have the day to yourself. Go out in the evening to a friend or relative snd leave them to it,

Its 2 weeks, you can do this

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