Partner leaving everything to ex-wife.

[lilajcolls]

A little backstory. Partner and I together for 3 years. He has two kids and I don't have any. He is quite wealthy and I am financially independent - as much as I can be. Obviously have my own job and support myself, don't 'need' anyone. I'm renting my own place in London, but hoping to buy this year or next. (In fact, hoping to buy the place I'm currently renting). He suggested moving in together. Obviously our financial situations are different. He can buy a place outright if he wants to. Whilst I can indeed put down a nice deposit, the places we have in mind are different due to our budgets. I said if we were to go 50/50, it would have to accommodate my budget - which isn't millions, but it's enough for a nice place.

In tandem, he was estate planning (as was I). Everything is going to his ex and his children. He is divorced - and has been for 5 years. We met 1.5 years after his divorce. I asked if there was a financial order in his divorce and if everything was actually finalised. I asked this multiple times to be sure. He said yes. His ex is VERY well taken care of. (Talking many many many millions).

Of course, I do think his children should inherit, but everything I have will be going to him whereas it is not reciprocal at all. When I asked about practical things like where I should locate the paperwork in the event of something happening (as he knows where my paperwork is), his response was: 'Oh, Jane will know and will take care of that! She will know how to handle everything.'

It's become really awkward to talk about as I feel like a 'gold digger' if I ask about what the situation will be, certainly if we live together. I would expect to be on the deed of the house - as I of course, will be paying for it too, but obviously can't risk being homeless in the event of something going badly wrong. Each time I've broached the topic, he evades talking about it.

AIBU to think this is weird?

EDIT: Should have edited the title for full context!

The ex wife, who he said “burned” him, has SIXTY MILLION from the divorce settlement alone. Is that not enough of a reward?

This. Keep your financial independence.

Yes, this. If you want to live with him, he can buy a place for you both outright. You can buy your own place and let it out, maintaining (and improving) your financial position and meaning you’re still secure if there are any issues/ if anything happens to him. Change your Will so your £ goes to your sister & any dependants she has in future.

Well, you seem to have sorted out what you need to do OP and I don't think anyone other than the man himself can explain all the rest.

If you want marriage and children I would look elsewhere, if not enjoy what you have I guess.

Until you are married, I would keep all substantial financial decisions separate.

You buy your house. He can buy a house if he wants. He can leave his money to whoever he likes.

Unless there is a huge backstory, if I were you, I would leave all your money / assets to your DSis who sounds like she would benefit from it far more than you DP.

Have you posted before? The 'gold digger' comment sounds familiar.

If you love him and he loves you, I would focus on getting married, where at least legally, you would have a far stronger footing that you do now.
Also, do you want DC with him? You might want to be focusing on that as well

Why are you concerned about inheriting? There is a more immediate (perish the thought, though) thing to worry about - you become incapacitated (perish the thought). What would he do? Will he use your money (now joint money) to ensure you are looked after properly (i.e. you stay in your own home with care assistants) or will he dump you in the cheapest facility where carers will be at best indifferent and at worst abusive? Seriously sort out all of that. No guarantee such dangers won't arise for partners with no baggage, but it is especially important when there other third interested parties (his ex and children).

He was burned by his wife but she will handle all his paperwork? Step away, step away now....or at very least buy your own place and put a hold on any sharing.

This, but I'm seriously doubting the legitimacy of this thread as it appears far too far fetched to be real. Why would anyone accept a potential partner for life stating they wouldn't include them in their will. It doesn't make sense.

I would see this as a red flag.

He's entitled to leave his estate to whoever he likes and it wouldn't shock me if he planned to leave all of it to his children, but leaving part of it to his ex wife and nothing to you is weird IMO. And I certainly don't think you should be planning to leave anything to him if it isn't reciprocal. It doesn't really seem like he sees you as his life partner.

Do you not have anyone else you might want to leave your money to? Siblings? Nieces and nephews? Friends? Charities?

I would also be very careful about buying property with him in this situation because, as you say, what happens if he dies?

If you buy the property as joint tenants then if he dies first the sole ownership reverts to you. If you buy it as tenants in common then if he dies first his share would go to the beneficiaries of his estate, i.e. his children and ex wife. Do you really want to find yourself in a position where the home you live in is co-owned by them? Where the roof above your head is at risk if they don't contribute to the mortgage repayments and you don't have enough money to cover the whole lot yourself, and they could decide they want their money out and try to force a sale?

I wouldn't want that, personally.

This makes me wonder whether the ex has something on him and is blackmailing him. Everything sounds so shady.

I would change your will immediately to leave everything to your siblings- partner doesn’t need the money.

I would buy a house completely independently of him- I wouldn’t want to sink any money into a house his ex would have control of. Of course his children should expect to inherit everything from him, but an ‘abusive’ ex?

What do you want? Marriage, children? I don’t think he sees you as an equal.

I still don't understand why your first thought was to leave your inheritance to him instead of your sister just because she doesn't have kids. I assume your sister would need the money more than the multimillionaire boyfriend 😅

Are you sure he made the money and not the ex wife? Or did she financially support him through most of the marriage and when it paid off he decided to leave? Something definitely doesn’t add up here.

@Manxexile it is ridiculous to be using an expression like nouveau riche in this day and age.

I don't think you should move in with him and you shouldn't buy a property with him. Put the brakes on the whole thing because he doesn't sound properly committed.

Get to a solicitor and get your will changed. I have no idea why you write a will leaving a boyfriend of less than 3 years all your money, especially as he is absolutely loaded. The time to include him in the will is after you are married or after you have been together for a significant length of time and own property together, at which point he also needs to adjust his will to ensure you are not homeless if he dies leaving his half of the property to someone else.

I feel like there's something a bit off here, but can't put my finger on it. Why is he leaving so much to his ex-wife when she's already covered by the divorce settlement rather than leaving all of it to his children?

This is so…weird.

If it is in fact true, then run away. Don’t get legally and financially embroiled in this shit show.

Definitely do not have children with him.

Buy your own house.

Live in said house, happily ever after.

Could it be, like some very wealthy friends of mine, that he and his wife set up the company together, or at least invested in it, so the £60 million was her share of the proceeds, not the actual divorce settlement?

If he really did settle with is wife for £60 million etc I doubt very much he will marry again.

Regardless of the pieces of paper, his actions show he still considers her his wife.

I would not be leaving anything to him at all.
Do you have a sibling or a favourite charity, Op?

It is right that most of his wealth goes to his kids
You should have security of accommodation should he predecease you. If you are together long term, ask whether he would take out a life insurance policy on himself that is payable to you.

Do not buy a house with him - buy one in your own name.

Or a charity. Why do the relatives of childless people feel so entitled to their money?

This is so strange of him. I cannot imagine a situation where I had so so much money, ex and DC already more than well catered for, and a partner who I wanted to live with AND marry and yet not want the partner to be in any way catered for on my death. It just doesn't make any sense. Does he literally mean that his half of your home will go to his ex wife/DC and you'll have to move out/sell up (potentially when you're retirement age)? Surely the % of his estate that his half of your home would make up is really small and would make v little difference to Jane/DC anyway but all the difference in the world to you.

Giving "Jane" extra random money is also bizarre. She has £60m! In what way was she abusive? I'd say he is either still enmeshed (potentially due to the abuse) or something else you don't know about...

This wouldn't be for me, it isn't a partnership - he wants it all ways. I'd take marriage and living together off the table. Buy by yourself, somewhere that will be 100% yours and then see where the relationship goes.

I would buy my own home and keep myself fully financially independent. I would not marry him and I would leave my assets to charity rather than to him. It sounds like he's got more than he could ever need.

This wouldn't be for me, it isn't a partnership - he wants it all ways. I'd take marriage and living together off the table. Buy by yourself, somewhere that will be 100% yours and then see where the relationship goes.

100% this.

@lilajcolls If you take a different view on this and see money as energy (which it is) he is still directing a lot of it towards his ex. His energy is tied to his 'old' life, not his present life. Do you want live like this? (Not talking about the kids. It's wonderful he's looking after them).

I'm not sure he can leave everything to his ex and kids if you marry. If you're married you can definitely contest because you shouldn't be left in a worse position than if you had divorced. Plus marrying invalidates prior wills so have to make a new one after?

Not a lawyer so may be wrong though.