Husband taking kids abroad

[mumspiration1997]

AIBU?

My husbands sister is getting married in Greece in September. I have a chronic fear of flying. Never been on a plane since I had to get taken off one by medics. However , he wants to bring out 2 boys. 5 and I. His whole family going and I really really would love to be there for my sis-in-law however I just have to accept I can't go. I don't want my boys that far away from me and I don't want them missing out. Help! Would you let them go and spent the week pacing the floors?

Sorry that should be they are 5 and 1.

Of course I would let them go, why on earth should they miss out?

You need to address your fear.

But don't stop the children going just because you feel you can't.

1 is quite small. I would have struggled but all of mine were still breastfeeding at 1.
Is there a train or boat?
What support have you accessed to tackle your fear so far?

I think you'd be really selfish to not let them go because of an issue you have.

Yes, I would 100% promote them going, as I don't let my anxieties and phobias hold my daughters back when it comes to family occasions.

Can you get there by train and boat?

Yabu, as long as there is no reason to think your DH can't parent his own children for a few days alone (would be an issue in itself).

Kindly, they shouldn't miss out because of your fear of flying

With kindness, yes. This won’t be the first or last time your husband/children will want to go on a flight. And easier said than done could you look at getting some treatment? It’s hugely difficult I know but your fear will unnecessarily restrict the rest of your family.

Unless something has happened since or there are issues, you trusted your husband enough to have children with him. He will be absolutely fine and they’ll have a great time.

Op you're a grown up! You've given birth... Twice... See your GP about some meds to get you on that plane! You can do it!!

5yo... definitely go.

1yo... just one or nearly 2yo? I'd be tempted to suggest he stays at home as he won't remember and may actually be happier at home. Nearer 2 he might enjoy it more.

Why would you be ‘pacing the floors’?

I’m very sorry about your anxiety, but you cannot limit your children because of it. I’m sure you realise this and don’t actually need us to tell you.

YABU. Do you want to pass your fear of flying onto your kids? Fine if you feel you can't get on a plane, but I think it's very selfish of you to say they can't.

I would absolutely let them go. No way will my DC miss out on life because of my own fears.

Sounds perfectly fine for them to go, assuming you feel confident that he will be able to manage a 5 & a 1 year old alone in another country at a wedding.

If he is an engaged, responsible parent, yes, seems like a no brainer. If he is prone for struggling to cope with them or spends very little time with them or has form for getting drunk at weddings and blacking out, then that's a different story. The reality is that a wedding with two small children who will likely need to leave before the end is very different to a family wedding child-free, so that's something to consider.

But yes, I take my dc abroad alone without dh. It's a perfectly normal thing to do, especially if the other parent can't or won't go. Alternatively, if easier, he could take the 5 year old and 1 year old could stay with you (they won't remember it anyway).

Some of the responses are a bit insensitive?! I’d let the 5 year old go if his father is totally capable of being in sole charge and 5 year old is ok away from you for that long. It’s pointless taking the 1 year old though! They’d not remember a thing so it’s for the family’s benefit rather than theirs. I’d hate that and not let it happen.

If you feel ready to face your fear, then have you tried hypnotherapy? Would probably need a fair few sessions but can be amazingly effective

It would be very unfair to stop them going because of your phobia. Assuming your husband is their father, he has every right to take his kids to his sister's wedding.

Have you had therapy for this? It's such a shame for you to be missing out. My mum had terrible fear of flying triggered by being stuck in a broken lift. The two are connected by some form of claustrophobia apparently. She was also wouldn't go in lifts. On top of counselling she went for some sessions that BA offer for free where you just go and sit on a plane on the ground for a while. It seems it's a common enough problem for them to offer those regular sessions. It's very with looking into. My mum has since flown to New Zealand from England.

Of course they should go. They will be with their other (fully capable) parent.

try not to put your desire to have your kids with you first and let them go and live their lives.

I am certain that if a man had asked this, nobody would have told him his wife would not be able to manage two kids on a short flight to a child-friendly country with plenty of family to help.

Of course they should go, while I’m not a fan of lies, here I would lie and make a reason you can’t go, rather than saying you fear flying as this could cause them to fear it. I was in a different country to our then 1 year old and eight year old for almost six weeks last year, I missed them and they missed me, but no pacing here and everyone was fine.

Some airlines run special courses for people who are scared of flying, I don’t know if that would be any use to you at all.

Of course they should go. They should t miss out due to your fear of flying. Have you tried hypnotherapy/a fear of flying course at a local airport? These cured my brother of the same phobia

This course is recommended for people with your fear of flying. I think it's reasonable for your husband to take the children on holiday, if you decide you cannot go with them. https://flyingwithconfidence.com/

There's a course you can do I think? Maybe try look at that?

you cannot have it both ways. Why should they not go because of your irrational fears. Let them go.

Also, have you spoken to the GP? My friend is terrified but manages to fly with prescription diazepam. Would that be an option?