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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking kids abroad

84 replies

mumspiration1997 · 16/05/2024 12:30

AIBU?

My husbands sister is getting married in Greece in September. I have a chronic fear of flying. Never been on a plane since I had to get taken off one by medics. However , he wants to bring out 2 boys. 5 and I. His whole family going and I really really would love to be there for my sis-in-law however I just have to accept I can't go. I don't want my boys that far away from me and I don't want them missing out. Help! Would you let them go and spent the week pacing the floors?

OP posts:
Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 16/05/2024 12:47

Thanks. Il look into hypnotherapy. Fully aware I can't stop them living there lives. DS will be 11 months actually at the time so I would be a lot happier if he could stay with me if unable to go. Does this sound reasonable? My m.i.l wants him there for a family photo. But my husband has been working in another country on and off for 6months and hasn't spent a lot of time with DS so would be worried it would be a very stressful week for everyone including DH and DS.

OP posts:
ZippyZappyZoo · 16/05/2024 12:48

I have a fear of flying too but no way would I let my entire family get on a plane without me. Would rather we all died together 🫣 so I’d go!

GoldDuster · 16/05/2024 12:49

The five year old definitely, possibly not the 1 yo depending on how hands on DH has been so far with the parenting. It sounds like there will be plenty of family there and they will have a lovely time.

Yes, their father should be able to take them to the family gathering if you will not go. Staying in the house for a week pacing the floors would not be compulsory, that would be in your hands.

rosesandlollipops · 16/05/2024 12:50

Why can't you drive? and plan a holiday around it? Driving around Europe was a normal thing when I was little.
Otherwise- yes, I'd send them both...

GoldDuster · 16/05/2024 12:50

mumspiration1997 · 16/05/2024 12:47

Thanks. Il look into hypnotherapy. Fully aware I can't stop them living there lives. DS will be 11 months actually at the time so I would be a lot happier if he could stay with me if unable to go. Does this sound reasonable? My m.i.l wants him there for a family photo. But my husband has been working in another country on and off for 6months and hasn't spent a lot of time with DS so would be worried it would be a very stressful week for everyone including DH and DS.

In this case 5yo yes, 1yo no. MIL doesn't get to drag a baby round the world for a photo, no, especially if he's not spent much time with DH.

HerORMe · 16/05/2024 12:51

KateMiskin · 16/05/2024 12:41

I am certain that if a man had asked this, nobody would have told him his wife would not be able to manage two kids on a short flight to a child-friendly country with plenty of family to help.

Yeah course. Because most would. You can’t pretend it’s the same with most fathers!

Greyheronsarethebest · 16/05/2024 12:52

interrail?

SinnerBoy · 16/05/2024 12:53

HeresMyBreakdown · Today 12:33

Can you get there by train and boat?

I was wondering the same thing.

mumspiration1997

A couple of posters have suggested a sedative, that could be a good backup, if the hypnotherapy doesn't work, or even if you're not sure it has!

HerORMe · 16/05/2024 12:53

mumspiration1997 · 16/05/2024 12:47

Thanks. Il look into hypnotherapy. Fully aware I can't stop them living there lives. DS will be 11 months actually at the time so I would be a lot happier if he could stay with me if unable to go. Does this sound reasonable? My m.i.l wants him there for a family photo. But my husband has been working in another country on and off for 6months and hasn't spent a lot of time with DS so would be worried it would be a very stressful week for everyone including DH and DS.

Cripes. Def don’t send 1 year old. Have also been in a similar position where a child’s “duty” to family was placed above their wellbeing. It’s just wrong. Hope you can put your foot down.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 16/05/2024 12:53

mumspiration1997 · 16/05/2024 12:47

Thanks. Il look into hypnotherapy. Fully aware I can't stop them living there lives. DS will be 11 months actually at the time so I would be a lot happier if he could stay with me if unable to go. Does this sound reasonable? My m.i.l wants him there for a family photo. But my husband has been working in another country on and off for 6months and hasn't spent a lot of time with DS so would be worried it would be a very stressful week for everyone including DH and DS.

How is your youngest with your DH now? How long could you leave him with your DH before he started getting upset and wanting you?

Because you need to spend between now and September either making sure he’s comfortable with his dad, or making sure you can get on that plane, with medication if hypnotherapy isn’t enough.

SinnerBoy · 16/05/2024 12:55

You can go by rail and it's not too expensive:

https://www.seat61.com/Greece.htm

KateMiskin · 16/05/2024 12:55

HerORMe · 16/05/2024 12:51

Yeah course. Because most would. You can’t pretend it’s the same with most fathers!

Show quote history

Should be. Raise the bar. I have sent my DH off with both kids to visit his family in another country. Though with OP's update, she should send only one.

TokyoSushi · 16/05/2024 12:56

Absolutely they should go, but it might be easier for DH to just take the 5 year old. I think you should look at every option for overcoming your fear though, I absolutely hate flying but force myself through it because I know I'd be massively missing out if I didn't!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 16/05/2024 12:57

The baby going is not for his sake. It’s for your MIL. I would not have him go without you. The 5 year old will likely have a great fine with his DF and extended family. you should let him go.

But best of all try to address your fear of flying. A good friend of mine undertook a fear of flying course (ended with a short internal flight). Really successful.

longdistanceclaraclara · 16/05/2024 12:57

SinnerBoy · 16/05/2024 12:55

You can go by rail and it's not too expensive:

https://www.seat61.com/Greece.htm

Edited

That's in Belgium...

Of course they should go, the younger one too. It will be good for him/her to spend time with their dad.

If it was the other way around would you leave the younger one behind?

Therageisreal · 16/05/2024 12:58

I was also breast feeding my youngest at this age and my oldest who was formula feed would have been really upset being away from me for that long. If it was my family I keep the 1 year old at home and DH would take the 5 year old.

PatriciaHolm · 16/05/2024 12:58

SinnerBoy · 16/05/2024 12:55

You can go by rail and it's not too expensive:

https://www.seat61.com/Greece.htm

Edited

Thats "Ath", in Belgium. Well, the first link was before you edited it ;-)

Greece by train (I've driven there from here...) would take 2-3 days minimum depending where exactly. Small islands longer.

Katiesaidthat · 16/05/2024 13:00

My 5 year old won´t be going anywhere without me, so I would go by train if I had to, or even drive. Long haul coaches also exist. My friends drive from Spain to Greece and my Polish neighbours drive to Poland.

ChangeAgain2 · 16/05/2024 13:02

HeresMyBreakdown · 16/05/2024 12:33

Can you get there by train and boat?

Other people already gave this information

GasPanic · 16/05/2024 13:03

You could probably get there by train.

It might take a couple of days and a couple of changes.

I have been to Athens inter railing.

mitogoshi · 16/05/2024 13:05

Do a fear of flying course, both easyJet and BA run them. you can do this! Huge incentive to get over it. You'll have a great time

HolidayAddict23 · 16/05/2024 13:07

YABU, your kids shouldn’t have to miss out because of your fears

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 16/05/2024 13:07

mumspiration1997 · 16/05/2024 12:47

Thanks. Il look into hypnotherapy. Fully aware I can't stop them living there lives. DS will be 11 months actually at the time so I would be a lot happier if he could stay with me if unable to go. Does this sound reasonable? My m.i.l wants him there for a family photo. But my husband has been working in another country on and off for 6months and hasn't spent a lot of time with DS so would be worried it would be a very stressful week for everyone including DH and DS.

In that case 5 year old yes, 1 year old no. DH and 5 year old will probably have a better time leaving the baby at home.

StatelyBouquet · 16/05/2024 13:10

YABU. Of course they should go. I appreciate that you have a fear but this should not affect them.

You should also try to overcome your fear. Id try REBT with hypnotherapy in it. Very effective

mitogoshi · 16/05/2024 13:10

Or

www.seat61.com/Greece.htm