Would you send this woman a link to the article about her new boyfriend?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

A woman I went to school with around 20 odd years ago has started a new relationship and it’s all over Facebook. She’s naturally an over sharer anyway, so even though I haven’t seen her since leaving school I know a lot about her life through Facebook.

Theres been lots of very lovey dovey pictures numerous times a day with this new man. She’s tagging in him everything and I noticed his Facebook name was odd, it’s two words rather than a name. I thought it was abit odd that he wouldn’t have his real name on there, but in his info bit he’d put his name.

So I googled his name and a picture comes up of him in numerous newspaper articles about how he beat a man so badly, the man had to eat through a straw. He got 6 years in prison.

would you message the woman with a link to the article?

she might already know and be ok with it, but if I didn’t know, I would want to know if I was her.

I'd find it very weird if she didn't know, especially as you say you sound his real name on FB in his info page

he beat up a man, not a woman

He still has a history of violence. That is where the risk is.

Oh and that is the one that got him in the paper, do you honestly think that an individual who beat another up so badly they had to eat through the straw is a) a reformed character and b) has never been violent before or since?

Women need to run at this first step, this is the biggest red flag going.

Is there a third party you could tell. You’ve mentioned her family members. Perhaps she may listen to them better too.
You can’t be the only one who has googled him.

Great post.

She probably does know, but he will have spun it into a woe is me story.

PPs need to put their virtue signalling to one side, stop focusing on the OP's actions and acknowledge the real risk of harm this woman is at.

Nosiness? Which is a very common, normal human attribute. A lot of the content on MN would disappear if people stopped being nosy. Sometimes it's useful. People here seem to be conflating it with being judgemental, which is also a normal human attribute, but obviously not great if it's based on kneejerk reactions and prejudices. In the case of a man with a criminal record for a very serious assault on another man, you bet I'd be judging. If he'd led a blameless life devoted to good works for 40 years after a fight he got into as a very young man, that would be one thing, but that's not what's happening here.

Nosiness is watching out of your window if police come and arrest you neighbours.

It is not normal to google the name of an old friends boyfriend.

I have never googled anyone’s name because there’s literally no reason to.

If you think a name sounded familiar or you were concerned about the behaviour of someone, then I would understand the need to look them up but even then doing a Claire’s law search would be better.

But to just randomly look up a name of someone you’ve never met (and probably never will) of the partner of someone you’ve not seen in years and barely speak to is the opposite of normal behaviour.

People like this need to get a hobby as it’s very weird.

Tell her, or find someone close to her to tell. I once dated a man for a few weeks before googling his name, dumped him as soon as I read he'd been in prison for rape. He harassed me for a few weeks after that until some of my male friends told him to stop. Turns out a friend had known he was violent and had form for harassing exes. Finding out his both convicted and unconvicted incidents I feel lucky I got out of it so fast. If I'd known I'd never have gone anywhere near him. I also had to start parking my car a few minutes walk away as it got vandalised evey time I parked on my street. Could have been coincidence but probably not. (Way before ring cameras etc were a thing unfortunately)

Many people are assuming that she must already know but I wouldn’t feel so sure about that. Without question, I would send the link anonymously, with a short note to the effect of “You may be aware of this but in case you aren’t I think you should be.” Then it’s up to her. It’s not being intrusive — it’s being responsible.

As long as you are sure. My husband helps a lot of people track down relatives and works out family trees based on DNA. There are often lots of people with the same name - even names you would think quite unusual - and living in the same area and of similar ages. I know you've said there was a picture but how distinctive was it for something that might have happened say10 years ago. Is there any possibility that it could, for example, be a cousin?

I would do it from an anonymous profile. She may already know. She may not, and he may have his excuses ready. But if something happened to her and I hadn't warned her, I'd feel guilty for not at least attempting to flag it up.

I would.

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