Would you send this woman a link to the article about her new boyfriend?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

A woman I went to school with around 20 odd years ago has started a new relationship and it’s all over Facebook. She’s naturally an over sharer anyway, so even though I haven’t seen her since leaving school I know a lot about her life through Facebook.

Theres been lots of very lovey dovey pictures numerous times a day with this new man. She’s tagging in him everything and I noticed his Facebook name was odd, it’s two words rather than a name. I thought it was abit odd that he wouldn’t have his real name on there, but in his info bit he’d put his name.

So I googled his name and a picture comes up of him in numerous newspaper articles about how he beat a man so badly, the man had to eat through a straw. He got 6 years in prison.

would you message the woman with a link to the article?

she might already know and be ok with it, but if I didn’t know, I would want to know if I was her.

That is not entirely true. Read about Professor Jane Mockton-smith's research into the domestic homicide timeline, step 1 is a pre-history of violence.

Obviously that is not saying everyone with a violent past will be a domestic abuser / killer but it is always there in those who are.

Her book is excellent, but she also did a podcast, which is incredibly informative as well as deeply harrowing.

www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/2024/bbc-radio-ulster-sounds-assume-nothing-femicide-eight-steps-to-stop-a-murder

I know this thank you.

But op can pass on the information and advice this person to do a clairs law since the person she's worried about it in a relationship with the person who may be a risk.

So many people on here go immediately down the 'keep your nose out' route but whatever happened to doing the right thing?

I haven't seen some of my school friends in 20 years but I'd be damned if I'd stand back and do nothing if I knew their new partner was a wrong un'!

I'd expect people to do the same for me, too.

If you're really worried, print off what you found and post it to her anonymously. That way at least you know she knows but you're there's no pressure on her to react.

If it was me, I'd definitely want someone to make sure I knew. Not everyone googles everyone else and she may possibly not know. If she does know and doesn't care, then that's her own choice, but it's definitely worth making sure she's aware.

Just because you haven't someone for years, it doesn't mean you shouldn't bother warning them if you think they may be in danger.

As others have said, it's probably best to keep it anonymous if you don't want him finding out it was you though.

I would message. I would try to word it in a way that shows you're looking out for her, not just being nosey. Something like,

'Hi X, tell me to mind my own business if you like but I couldn't not message just in case you didn't know. I thought Y having an odd name on social media was unusual and so I Googled his real name. It brought up details of his conviction for Z. It was a long time ago and I know people can change so if you know about his past and are happy in the relationship then fair enough and I'm really glad he's put it behind him, but I couldn't not say anything just in case you didn't already know xx'

You don't really know her tho, I'd get a hobby as you seem to spend a lot of your time in her world.

I'd use an anonymous account and send the link.

She might know already but she might not.

Someone I know who was a bit desperate to find Mr Right thought she had with this charmer of a guy and got pregnant very quickly.

About 3 months after baby was born he showed his true colours and was quite a nasty piece of work. Turns out he'd done the same with an ex and beat her up and served 6 months for it. She wishes she'd done her homework a bit better!

you very clearly have no idea how Facebook works! You only have to log in, to see these posts. You don't need to step into anyone's "world" 🙄

Was just coming on to say exactly what @Topofthemountain said! Please tell her anonymously. Any kind of violence can be an indicator that things will get worse so she deserves to know and be on the lookout for any red flags

I thought that Clares law didnt just focus on domestic violence? There was an MNer recently who did an application and was told about previous crimes, iirc it was armed robbery or similar, which although not a direct threat to her was bad enough for the police to think she needed to know about it. I would say that the same applies here.

"Mind you own business" is what leads to some women being killed. IT IS OUR BUSINESS! All of us as women should be helping each other stay safe, not walking by on the other side. The OP making a Clares law application will mean nothing to her as she will receive no information from it, but it could make a big difference to her friends life......like it not being put in danger.

I think you should let her know, I'd send an anonymous email or message on FB.

Ring the Coastguard, they’ll definitely help

She knows, it explains the gushing posts about him.

I would really be so grateful if a friend was brave enough to let me know. Even if I knew already, I would feel someone was looking after me.

I’d tell her and I would not do it anonymously. I’d be brave and say I thought you need to know this information, but what you do with it is up to you.

Why would you google his name?

Its a very odd thing to do to a person you’ve not seen in 20 years.

I’ve never done this to a close friend or family member, let alone a practical stranger!

I personally wouldn’t tell her because many people have got into fights and he’s not necessarily a danger to her compared to any other man.

However, if it is playing on your mind then perhaps send an anonymous message if that’s even possible.

Do you never Google a person’s name, ever? Cos I don’t believe you!!

I agree.

It's so fucking weird all this MYOB obsession. Not sure if it's some kind of virtue signalling that they are so able to keep themselves to themselves.

Who cares what the OP's motivation is? In this case it's irrelevant. The only question is, would it possibly save a woman from being exposed to violence either against herself or perpetrated by someone she's close to. It's up to her to decide what to do with the information but it won't harm her to have it and make her more likely to notice any future red flags.

No never.

Why would you google someone’s name?
What would be the reason?

I personally wouldn’t tell her because many people have got into fights and he’s not necessarily a danger to her compared to any other man.

He probably is though.

Send it anonymously as others have said, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of his violence. If it was me I’d want to know, and I’d be very grateful.

Not sure why you are getting so much flak here. However, this is the issue with being nosy you might find something.

Clare's Law or send an anonymous email- then let it go.

i think its odd that you googled him in the first place.
stay out of it
he beat up a man, not a woman
he has paid his time

Omg! Are you all nuts? OF COURSE you should get a Claire’s law, or send a message .
why are you all fixated on judging OP? She has a friend, she has a hunch, which she follows. She might save her friend a lot of hassle.
even if he doesn’t get violent, I’m assuming he won’t be 5he nicest of men, underneath the love bombing,.
WELL DONE OP. I’d like you to be my friend

I had something similar many years ago. My best friend had met a new man and he was known to a circle of my other friends, this new man had a fight,hurt somebody ,I told my friend because she'd just come out of a DV marriage.. she took his side,he wanted a written apology of me for telling my friend (he denied it actually happened) she cit off all contact wirh me,but I few years back we bumped into each other in the street and low and behold they had split up because of his violence towards her.

I would suggest staying out of it if you've not seen each other for so long. But it's very caring of you