13 yr old DS and shite food

[Olete32]

We've entered new territory with 13 DS: whilst always argumentative, fiery, strong-willed, he's now got a moody, challenging attitude and can be pretty contemptuous. We have had lots of moments where we've had to pick him up on stuff, try to get him to say yes more, go along with stuff etc etc.

That's the backdrop: we are trying to pick our battles.

But the other INFURIATING issue is his absolute love of shite food - sugar and fast food and fizzy drinks. I am a big home cook, everything is from scratch and I'm really nutritionally minded - and he eats a home cooked meal, with us as a family 99% of the time.

But when he can, he'll eat shite. He'll eat a huge meal, then take a cereal bar/packet of crisps (the only crap food we have in the house). Or he'll want a bagel with nutella at least once a day (he buys the nutella out of his own money!). If he could, he'd buy a fizzy drink and sweets every day on the way home - but we only put a small amount of his card. However, it was his birthday and he's got about £30 in cash and he's clearly using that to fuel his lifestyle!

I worry about the amount of sugar he's eating. he's small for his age, and I do try to talk to him about the need to thrive and give himself the best chance nutritionally.

But he looks at me, dead behind the eyes, and reaches for the nutella...

Should I just turn a blind eye? I feel so worn out by parenting him on every issue. And for those of you who think I'm the parent, he's the child, I hold the line - I'm guessing you don't have an incredibly strong-willed child who's been seeking independence since he was about 4

My eldest is 12 and we’re not in this phase yet but I have thought about it when I’ve seen the kids pouring out of the co-op before school drinking cans of Monster 😂 my view would be to let it slide. You’ve given him a good education growing up and he is going to want to exert some independence. He’ll come back around to eating properly eventually

Is he active? He is 13 so he will be growing a lot!

I used to do dance classes several times a week and in high school I would have probably 2 cans of fizzy juice with a bar of chocolate every single day. This was in the days when schools had vending machines.

The kids at the school beside us line up at the local shop to eat crap hot dogs and drink slushies etc.

I'm not sure there is much you can do besides keep the healthy home cooking and ensure he gets enough activity each week.

Have I misunderstood or is he just having a chocolatey bagel or a pack of crisps once a day? In addition to healthy home cooked meals? That’s the cause of all this angst?

You're fine. He’s fine. Everything is fine.

He eats healthy food 99% of the time. Let him have his Nutella.

Op - a third of all 11 year olds in the UK are overweight - in deprived areas it's half of all 11 year olds.

you will not get balanced replies on Mumsnet - because so many people are eating / letting their kids eat absolute poisonous shite.

• children and teenagers in the UK are pouring sugar and shite into themselves on a daily basis sadly - including my own 11 year old who like yours will spend all his money on haribo/ giant chocolate bars/ family sized packet of crisps given the chance

There is a great guy on instagram called Eddie Abnew Im going to show to my own son - he talks openly and aimed at teenagers particularly boys about why so much modern processed sugary food is just absolutely awful for you to eat.

And yes - wake up people - one chocolate bagel or crisps every single day IS bad for you! and it is bad for kids.

Im not speaking from a moral high ground here as my own kids eat crap too - but I am facing the truth!

I think it’s fine to reinforce the idea of moderation when it comes to sugary food and drinks and junk food, and suggest alternatives which are healthier, but don’t make it forbidden and therefore even more tempting. I suspect most teenagers go through a phase at about his age of over consumption of snacks and treats: he’s gained a bit of autonomy over being able to buy and eat what he wants to a larger extent and is just discovering the freedom of making his own choices.

Mountains and molehills spring to mind…

surely part of the joy of being a teen is the ability to eat absolute crap and burn it all off. Leave the lad alone. He’ll likely get into gym culture when he’s a bit older and then it’ll be macros and protein all the livelong day. If anything, you being so anal about his nutrition will only embed the love of junk food.

Is he getting enough calories in his usual meals? Not getting enough calories can cause huge hunger cravings for calorific foods... which usually means junk. He might be small now but if he's facing a growth spurt, he might need more food!

A bagel with Nutella is really not the worst thing he could eat.

I thought this too.

I have a 12 year old DS who also loves sugar and crap food in general! My view is to try and add good food, veg, fruit etc in where possible which includes getting in some of his favourites - pineapple, watermelon, chopped carrots, olives, beetroot - and let the less ideal choices slide. He loves a frozen smoothie so we have some fruit etc in the freezer.

Also, you can actually make your own nutella from chocolate or cocoa powder, maple syrup and hazelnuts. Or you could mix a little melted dark chocolate into plain nut butter.

And yes - wake up people - one chocolate bagel or crisps every single day IS bad for you! and it is bad for kids.

What's a chocolate bagel? Never heard of that.

And yes - I'm awake - thanks.

All this for a single bagel with Nutella? How much Nutella is he piling on that you're so concerned? It sounds like completely normal behaviour - he's not exactly eating it straight out of the jar and going through a jar really quickly. He's just using a less healthy spread on bread?!

He eats normally (/well) and has a small sweet thing. Or, even, a semi-sweet thing, since it's a sweet spread on bread. He's not going through a roll of Pringles every day.

YABU.

The problem is, when you're a teen (and quite some way into your twenties for many people), you really don't have much concept of the future or the impact on you of what you're eating. I've been carefully watching what I eat since my mid-30s (am 66 soon) and never eat junk food - though I like a sweet thing now and then - with a diet full of fruit and vegetables and fibre.

As an undergraduate, I had a Cadbury Double Decker for breakfast just about every day. It's been proper Greek yoghurt (none of your "Greek style" shite) and berries for years now, or plain porridge or toast (granary bread) with a bit of cheese.

I'm saying this because the chances of a teenage boy changing his behaviour after watching a video, reading a leaflet, listening to a teacher, etc etc telling him he shouldn't eat the things he absolutely loves because at some point in the future he might regret it - are fairly low.

Using his birthday money to ‘fuel his lifestyle’?! How dramatic are you being, he’s hardly buying drugs and alcohol with it 🤦🏼‍♀️

I do think you need to pick your battles. It's appalling to watch our children eating crap, but in your case he's also eating good food. My DS went through a phase of being exactly the same at about the same age. I sat on my hands because, apart from anything else, he was doing it to fit in with the crowd, and he was having a difficult time socially. If it's any consolation, he emerged from the phase, and now has an excellent diet, and cooks from scratch himself more often than not.

YANBU, I see this with my own kids unfortunately as well. I keep giving them healthy food, modelling by example and just hoping for the best. I can only try as much as I can to give them a good start in life but ultimately they are separate, independent humans and I can’t live their lives for them.

And honestly OP if this is an example of a serious battleground in your house, I’d be carefully evaluating what the other things you fight over are. You call him argumentative, fiery etc but this is quite intense control of his diet, any kid would be contemptuous.

It's complete bollocks that 'eating shit' is part of being a teenager. It's a modern shift in diet that is fuelling diabetes, gut cancer on the rise in young people - heart problems and the shocking state of kids general weight levels in the UK.

It's only in the past decade or so that it's been so cheap to fill up on total crap made of processed chemicals and sugar - newsagents now are just wall to wall with this stuff and kids are hoovering it up

It's not okay, its setting sugar addiction for life - and its depressing that poeple aren't taking it seriously.

Big sugar has successfully fought off regulation by the govt - the clear evidence is that if you eat unhealthily as a teen you are setting up patterns for life.

Sugar is addictive and eating a lot of it when you are growing - even if you don't 'look fat' is bad for you. fact. its like vaping - we should be better protecting young people from it.

I remember when I had a Saturday job I used to buy a can of Mountain Dew and a twirl every shift.

My son was worse at your son’s age (partly because energy drink age limits weren’t introduced until he was 16) then at age 15ish, he did a u-turn and actively lost weight through diet and got into gym/exercising. He’s now very slim.

A daily bagel with Nutella is not a big deal.

Although Eddie is spot on in what he says, I find he doesn't really cater towards non meat eaters and give them advice. I don't want to be eating eggs all day.

It's not great eating this stuff but really think about picking your battles. Banning it will increase the attraction, and could lead to secret bingeing.

Only 1% is shite?
thats bloody amazing!

OP, have I missed something or where is his Dad in this?

Why on earth would you point out something so obvious? I'm not being dramatic, I'm being slightly tongue in cheek. But thank you for stopping by.