13 yr old DS and shite food

[Olete32]

We've entered new territory with 13 DS: whilst always argumentative, fiery, strong-willed, he's now got a moody, challenging attitude and can be pretty contemptuous. We have had lots of moments where we've had to pick him up on stuff, try to get him to say yes more, go along with stuff etc etc.

That's the backdrop: we are trying to pick our battles.

But the other INFURIATING issue is his absolute love of shite food - sugar and fast food and fizzy drinks. I am a big home cook, everything is from scratch and I'm really nutritionally minded - and he eats a home cooked meal, with us as a family 99% of the time.

But when he can, he'll eat shite. He'll eat a huge meal, then take a cereal bar/packet of crisps (the only crap food we have in the house). Or he'll want a bagel with nutella at least once a day (he buys the nutella out of his own money!). If he could, he'd buy a fizzy drink and sweets every day on the way home - but we only put a small amount of his card. However, it was his birthday and he's got about £30 in cash and he's clearly using that to fuel his lifestyle!

I worry about the amount of sugar he's eating. he's small for his age, and I do try to talk to him about the need to thrive and give himself the best chance nutritionally.

But he looks at me, dead behind the eyes, and reaches for the nutella...

Should I just turn a blind eye? I feel so worn out by parenting him on every issue. And for those of you who think I'm the parent, he's the child, I hold the line - I'm guessing you don't have an incredibly strong-willed child who's been seeking independence since he was about 4

You said he wants a bagel with Nutella a day. No one’s jumping on you. You said that.

Should I just turn a blind eye? I feel so worn out by parenting him on every issue

No, you dont turn a blind eye , you carry on parenting your child and dont let him eat shite everyday.

I would try not to worry OP, if you "ban" him from eating certain stuff then he will just get it from elsewhere.
My son is six and does karate 5 times a week, beavers and swimming.
They mostly have home cooked meals, with the odd beans on toast/ ready meal type thing. He eats like a horse. It he is incredibly active, lean and muscley.
No food is off limits in my house (as long as they ask and it's not just before dinner!) and they self regulate pretty well.
He will eat almost everything (raw tomatoes are the bone of contention!)
We do have McDonald's and chocolate and all other nice things, life is short!
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but as an overweight adult (who at 15 would eat 10 mars bars a day!) I want my sons to have a healthier attitude to food than I have.

My mums obsession with healthy food throughout my childhood gave me a binge eating disorder. She definitely would have been better off letting me eat a bit of Nutella sometimes. By the time I was 14 I was buying chocolate in secret and hiding it. Not good.

Honestly- let it go. He’ll come out the other side in a few years and he will be absolutely fine.
As they say with toddlers “this too is shall pass”.
Keep doing what you are, modelling good eating habits and keeping “unhealthy snacks” to a minimum in the house. In a few years, he’ll be back on your way of thinking!

I think it's a different kind of hunger because he is growing. I was really slim and ate very well at home. I loved salads as a kid but when I became a teenager, I craved sugar and nutella in particular. However, as an adult I now eat very healthy meals again and only have nutella sometimes. I feel awful if I eat processed foods.

Please don’t show your child his Instagram. He advocates for fasting for extremely long amounts of time which is beneficial for adults in moderation but extremely toxic for impressionable young people. He’s got no qualifications as far as nutrition goes, he’s a bodybuilder it looks like which is absolutely not something to aspire to as they aren’t the healthiest people around - I’ve got nothing against them at all but it’s obviously very extreme and not exactly healthy a lot of the time. They will admit themselves I’m sure.

While I'm not disagreeing with your experience, it has not been my experience with my eldest. Yes, he sometimes gets chips at the college canteen, yes, he sometimes buys a fizzy drink. But mostly if he's hungry he'll buy a sandwich. He doesn't and hasn't ever drunk alcohol either.

And no, I'm not saying that is due to my stellar parenting! But I guess I'm just saying it's not inevitable for them to eat tonnes of junk and drink alcohol and we should just throw our hands up if they do. (Not that I'm suggesting you did this!)

She also said he has crisps and cereal bars, sweets and fizzy drinks on top of the bagel!

My DD gets FSM so I can't avoid her buying food at school. I think it's scandalous the food they serve, though.

I completely agree with you. Crap is literally everywhere! I do think that if you strictly don't have it at home then you can relax a bit more about sweets at a party etc. The trouble when they're little is the portion size so I'd just let them have a small amount of the party bag sweets etc. It used to annoy me at toddler groups the amount of biscuits around. My toddlers had small appetites if they ate biscuits at toddler group that was their lunch and if you went to a few a week - it adds up!

Having had an eating disorder I have to be very aware that I don't tip over from healthy eating to disordered eating thinking.

Like you nothing is banned. We just don't have rubbish in the house. My eldest is very good at self regulating and my youngest is not as good but not too bad either! I find by not having it in the house it naturally limits the amount of rubbish we have without having to put strict limits on things.

You’ve said meals at home are healthy and you can usually limit the amount of junk he eats by limiting the money you give him. He’ll soon burn through the extra £30 he’s got. You’ve said he’s active so I wouldn’t worry about a few sweets or Nutella. It’s what most teens do.

Lots of boys get to 15 and become health conscious, protein obsessed and start doing weights. I found that worse.

My 13 year old DD is the other way and is super healthy to the point of asking me to buy certain food, something she frequently comments on is that most food in her secondary school is rubbish, it is inconvenient some days as it would be easier to not have to prep packed lunch all the time but it is hard to find anything at school that she seems as acceptable!

My DS is in sixth form and was a bit like your son Op but he is much better now and has become keen on cooking, this is in part because DH loves cooking at the weekend (works away loads in the week), is a very good cook and DS will create things with him. He does still eat burgers out though, perhaps more like once or twice a fortnight, depending on what he’s doing so if he’s going to a party or a friend will get takeaway pizza if they are all watching a football match.

Both mine are very thin, DD is skinny but that kind of makes sense as her diet is so good. DS can seemingly eat what he likes and not put any weight on so people see the junk as less of. a problem.

Mine are the opposite, big spectators, whish is not an issue if satisfied with healthy foods, but if, on top of that you add they have a sweet tooth, well, in reality, they have a sweet tooth from their dad and savoury from me 😂 so we just need to be careful. Yes I feel the overconsumption of sweets and "treats" it's encouraged at a very early age in the UK.

My DD chooses reasonably healthy food in general (but does love sweets and cake) and prefers a packed lunch but she gets free school meals so I try to encourage her to get the healthiest thing she can find. They don't even have fresh sandwiches or rolls. She tends to get a panini and a cake/donut.

My DD is slim and DS skinny but I still keep an eye on what they eat as their weight is only one factor in health.

None of that is shite. It sounds like a healthy balance. The foods you describe in moderation are absolutely fine. The more you flight it the more he’ll want the also so I advice backing off a little.

When I think of the junk we used to eat at school in the 90s…a doughnut at break time, chips beans and cheese with a chocolate bar and a can of coke for lunch and then a ready meal for tea (DM was no cook!) I’m pretty horrified. But none of us were overweight and none of us are now (still in touch with school friends) so I guess it didn’t do us too much harm. We do all eat a lot better now though! Maybe we worry too much as parents.

It's all about balance! Hell be growing like mad, his animal instinct will be telling him to go for the fattiest, sugariest things possible to keep up with his grown rate. When I was pregnant, my body did the same thing- I ate really healthy but craved high calorie, sugar filled things because my body wanted more and more fuel and these things represented the quickest and easiest way to get those things.

The more you ban them, the more he's going to want them, there's that too.

OP, AIBU? General consensus, Yes,
OP, no I’m not!

You know another factor to consider is the novelty of being able to choose/buy your own food. It doesn't seem like much when you're an adult but it's quite exciting when you're young and you're suddenly able to buy things on your own and make your own decisions.

Ds13 eats rubbish at school but I am just happy that he eats one home cooked dinner with vegetables every day. He wants to have pudding so I get some ice creams or so. He usually has bowl of cereals in the evening.

Hmmm, I think you must have ignored my latest update where I literally say I need to step back.

I think this is true.

I grew up with parents like you, and honestly, it just made me go absolutely crazy when I finally had my own money and the freedom to spend it.

The more you restrict it, the more attractive it will become.