To want to wear my nan's wedding ring?

[Nigellasstickytoffeepudding]

I lost my nana two weeks ago, my grandad has given me her jewellery which includes her wedding ring.

My grandparents marriage lasted 68 years until her death at 90 and i really look up to them as a model of commitment and the meaning of marriage.

I'd like to get the ring cleaned and resized slightly and wear it in place of my (very cheap) wedding ring, in memory of my nan and of commitment to my marriage.

I asked DH just now and he doesn't want me to. He can't really say why other than that my nans ring isn't the one I got married with.

I only mention my existing one was cheap so that it's clear it not because of the cost of my ring that DH said no.

It means a lot to me AIBU?

I was going to ask this. If he wasn't upset I'd say wear it on your ring finger but as he was it's clear that he values the commitment the rings you chose together represent. You should respect that and wear it on your right hand.

I’m on team “give it a little time”. Your emotions are pretty raw at this point and I think you’ve been given a few good suggestions. I’m sure the last thing your grandparents would want is to be the cause of hurt feelings in your marriage.

My DH would feel the same as yours… he’s way more sentimental than I am!

He sent me a picture one day via text of his wedding ring that had broken (a piece had snapped). My response “Well it was a good run… we’re through now, right?” I don’t think he found that quip particularly funny.

Ironically he offered to get me ‘a bigger stone’ in my engagement ring for our 20th. I’ve declined and said ‘eh it’s gotten us this far let’s not fix what isn’t broken’.

Really, it’s not quite the same as a necklace etc. There is huge symbolism surrounding a wedding ring.

Sensitive, sensible advice.

I know that ring is sentimental to you but I can’t imagine doing this.
i lost my engagement ring a few years ago. I was devastated. We claimed on insurance and I got an (arguably nicer) ring. I just don’t feel the same way about it. It’s not the ring attached to the sentiment of our engagement. Maybe your husband feels this way about the ring he lost and it’s replacement and can’t understand why you would willingly replace yours for something he didn’t give you.
I’m with other people, you need to wear it on your other hand or on a chain around your neck.

All these people saying your dh has no say or he doesn’t care because he doesn’t bend to what you want are all horrible. You married him because you love him (I assume) and part of that means caring about his feelings, the sentimentality of your wedding ring obviously means a lot to him, even if he did lose his, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t upset by it. His feelings are totally reasonable.
Tbh I think you are grieving and need to take a step back and think if this is an argument that is really worth it when wearing your nans ring on another finger is totally normal ( I wear mine on my nans ring on right hand because it’s gold and my wedding rings are platinum)

Could you have one or the other plates/dipped in a different metal so that they are the same colour?

I’m sorry for your loss, don’t make any decisions while this is still fresh. Take some time to think about different options and remember your lovely Nan.

I wear my Gran’s engagement and wedding rings. I had them resized to fit my right hand.

My nans wedding ring I used as my wedding ring. Its over 100 years old and was also her sisters wedding ring before hers, and 21 carat and means the world to me. In your case I wouldn't replace your own but wear it alongside

I'm sorry for your loss, OP, I'm sure your Nan would be very pleased to know that you have her jewellery.

I agree with your husband here though. His wedding ring is on your finger and that's the one you had when you married. Your Nan's wedding ring was on her finger, it was about her marriage, not yours.

I like the idea of wearing it on your other hand or on a chain or having it made into something else that you can wear - but not on your wedding ring finger, that is for your own wedding ring.

I inherited my Nan’s jewellery and I wear her wedding ring stacked between my wedding ring and my engagement ring. Aesthetically it probably doesn’t look amazing, but it means a lot to me. My grandparents were marrried for 63 years and it is engraved, so I wouldn’t be able to get it resized. Sandwiching between my rings means it stays in place!

i wouldn’t have swapped my ring for it though, as my wedding ring also means a great deal to me. I can understand your husband’s upset- could you wear both?

I got a nice chain to wear my grndma’s ring on.

I had some small diamonds inset on my mum’s wedding ring and wear it on my right hand. Got the diamonds so it is less a ‘wedding band’. Love it! I can totally see your husband’s pov.

You could get it blessed by your vicar:as a mark of your marriage?

I completely understand your DH .

When I got married my engagement ring cost £120 and wedding ring £100.

My mum died a year ago and I inherited her jewellery. Including a £4K engagement ring and a 3 k wedding band.

I wear them in the other hand because the ones I married DH with are worth more than money or gem value .

Nice idea for others but we are atheist and did not marry in a church.

I think that your reaction to your husband losing his own ring, is very telling about your attitude to the ring itself. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s simply different to your husbands attitude. He was upset when he lost it, but you weren’t. That tells me that he attaches more significance to the actual ring than you do.
Your post sounds as if he’s hurt that you don’t value the ring that HE gave you, maybe because it’s “cheap” (but may have been the best he could afford at the time) or maybe simply because you don’t see it as “that” important, but HE does.
I used to wear my own grandmothers wedding ring, because I felt close to her, but it no longer fits, and tbh I still feel close to her and know that I don’t need to wear it to feel that way. Forty years on, and I still feel her close to me, probably more than I would if she was still alive. Think about how she would feel if she thought that her ring, the symbol of her own long love, marriage and commitment, was the source of contention between her loved granddaughter and her own husband. I’m sure she would hate that to be the case. You could wear the ring on another finger, or use the gold to remodel into something different entirely - a pendant or earrings. Add her birthstone to it. Lots of possibilities. Remember that your husband isn’t wrong though, to not like the idea of you discarding the ring that HE gave you, for a ring given to someone else, no matter who that is.

Have not read everyone’s posts, so not sure if anyone else has said this, but the fact you feel so strongly and you can’t express why this is so important to you is because you are grieving. Everything is heightened.

I still remember how strongly I felt about every action I took related to my grandfather when I lost him, 20 years ago. He was like my dad to me and I felt so strongly about the flowers from me, what I wrote on the card on the flowers, the words in the notice in the paper. Everything.
as others have suggested, where it on your left hand WITH your own wedding ring or where it on your right hand until your grief is less sharp. This may take a few years. 20 years on, I can still be caught unawares.
Im so sorry for your loss. How lucky you are to have had such a special relationship. Take care of yourself.

YABU. Why not wear the ring on a different finger or on a chain around your neck?

Can't you see his point? Your wedding ring means something to your husband and should mean something to you too. Your grandparents' ring means something only to you, and is something you seem to value (symbolically at least) more than you value the ring your husband gave you.

How would you feel if he wanted to trade his wedding ring for his parents'/grandparents' ring?

Wear, not where. Sorry. Head a shed today

I think the 2 situations are different. He didn't choose to lose his ring and you said he was upset about it. You're choosing to replace your wedding ring with a ring that has no significance to your DH. I think YABU and you should just wear it on another finger/hand. Or you could put it on a chain and wear it round your neck.

My Nan left me her wedding ring, which was lovely - 22ct Welsh red gold.

I didn’t want it, but DD had it altered, 30 years ago, as her wedding ring.🙂

He was upset when he lost his, and now he feels like yours means so little that you'd rather wear someone else's. I understand why he doesn't like the idea, although I don't think I'd be bothered myself.

I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with PP that maybe you should take some time to heal a bit before making a decision.

There's no right or wrong answer as everyone has different attitudes about wedding rings as this thread shows! I was married years ago with a £39 engagement ring from Argos. CZ and a tiny green stone. Still love it and it still fits perfectly.

I've just inherited a massive fuck off diamond and green emerald ring (not a stealth boast as I am skint and I'll have to sell it which is painful). It fits my wedding finger perfectly and I sometimes wear it giant engagement ring style DH laughs and says I look like I'm married to a footballer. (I know he'd love me to be able to keep it) It makes my original engagement ring look like the giant ring's baby