To want to wear my nan's wedding ring?

[Nigellasstickytoffeepudding]

I lost my nana two weeks ago, my grandad has given me her jewellery which includes her wedding ring.

My grandparents marriage lasted 68 years until her death at 90 and i really look up to them as a model of commitment and the meaning of marriage.

I'd like to get the ring cleaned and resized slightly and wear it in place of my (very cheap) wedding ring, in memory of my nan and of commitment to my marriage.

I asked DH just now and he doesn't want me to. He can't really say why other than that my nans ring isn't the one I got married with.

I only mention my existing one was cheap so that it's clear it not because of the cost of my ring that DH said no.

It means a lot to me AIBU?

I wear my nanas wedding ring on my right hand

I'd be pretty upset if my DH replaced his wedding ring with his DGM's. Wear it on a necklace or on your right hand for a bit, you'll get used to it.

YABU to wear it in place of your wedding ring and I think that it's slightly odd to want to. Wear it on your right hand - that's where I wear my mum's.

It means a lot to me AIBU?

Yes YABU. What you're saying is that what your DGM's ring represents is more important to you than what your wedding ring represents. I'm with DH and most PPs - wear it on your right hand or on a chain.

And the cost of your wedding ring is irrelevant. It's the symbolism. Just because it was cheap doesn't mean it doesn't matter.

No, a marriage is a commitment. A wedding ring is a symbolic piece of jewellery.

@NNigellasstickytoffeepudding Why don't you get your grans resized and wear it under your wedding ring so they are both on the same finger.

My late husband unexpectedly passed 6 years ago. From the night he passed, his wedding ring has been worn by me. It sits neatly under my wedding ring

A lot of people wear such items around their neck on a chain.

She chose to wear that symbolic piece of jewellery though, so I can understand her husband being bothered that she now doesn’t want to, and her wanting to replace it with a ring that wasn’t given by him to her.

It makes much more sense to wear it on another finger or on a chain.

It's just a ring, who cares. Your dh is not being very understanding. I don't even wear my ring anymore and I've been happily married for over 20 years. A ring doesn't show you're any less committed to the relationship.

I have my nan's wedding ring, I wear it on my middle finger of my left hand with my Russian wedding ring, when my mum passes, her wedding ring will go on the same finger.

‘It means a lot to me’ is your reason? You mean it means a lot more to me than my wedding ring. And your dh obviously interprets that as it means a lot more to you than your wedding does. Remind yourself that your marriage matters to you too and wear your nans ring on the other hand. Or the same hand but you don’t want to do that.

No it is not. That's a strange idea of fairness.
The H lost his, so had to replace; here, Op wants to make a choice to remove the ring her DH gave on their wedding day.

It might make more sense to you but that doesn't mean it's true for the OP. Each to their own, if she feels strongly about it then she should do what makes her happy. Removing her own wedding ring doesn't, in any way, reflect her love for her husband or commitment to their marriage.

It’s not me she has to convince of that, it’s her husband.

We chose to not marry, as marriage, including the rings means nothing to us, but if you’ve gone down that road, as OP has, I think she needs to be understanding of her husbands feelings too. When you’re in a relationship, you can’t just ‘do what makes you happy’ if it makes the other person unhappy, and expect everything to be ok.

I wear my nan’s wedding ring with my wedding ring on my left hand. Could you do the same?

When I got married, I had my Nan's 2 wedding rings-they were married in 1930 and her first ring was a very thin one and became misshapen, and her 2nd was given to her by my Grandad on their 50th anniversary- and a signet ring of hers melted together to make my wedding ring. Would your husband let you do that- have yours and hers made into one?

We decided not to have rings when we got married, we went for the non ring ceremony at the register office. My nan died over 15 years ago, I sometimes wear her ring on my wedding finger, if I dare to call it my wedding ring DH is quick to point out that it isn't.

Reading this thread's very interesting. Clearly for some the actual ring means so much more than for others. I don't think there is any right or wrong per se. It does show that your husband clearly has strong feelings about your wedding ring. I'd be tempted to respect his wishes on this basis and use your grandmother's ring on your other hand/another finger/as a necklace etc.

Absolutely and I would never want to make him unhappy.

Everyone has been so kind on this post, so thank you your posts have helped me keep some perspective.

For those who are asking if I could wear them together/have them melted together. They are two completely different metals and wouldnt melt/look great.

My ring is a tungsten carbide ring. My nans is 18carat gold.

Would he even notice if you wore your nan’s ring on your wedding finger and your actual wedding rings on the other hand?

But he does get to decide what message he takes from your choice.

Wear it on a chain round your neck?

I'd be put out. Especially if it was "with this ring I thee wed" or this ring is a symbol of my love etc.

Fair enough he's lost his but you havent

Watching with interest! In exact same boat, I have a beautiful ring from my nan who I was very close to. Cheap wedding ring with a little diamond chip missing.

I looked at incorporating the two... taking a diamond from my nan's ring and adding it to my original wedding ring however a ring redesign was going to be something like 7k.... Which I could never afford.....

I wear my Nans ring on a chain round my neck with my mums engagement ring, my dad’s wedding ring, and a signet ring I had when I was a baby. I only really wear it when I’m feeling sad or low but it brings me immense comfort - I couldn’t bare to get any of them resized or cleaned just yet x