To want to wear my nan's wedding ring?

[Nigellasstickytoffeepudding]

I lost my nana two weeks ago, my grandad has given me her jewellery which includes her wedding ring.

My grandparents marriage lasted 68 years until her death at 90 and i really look up to them as a model of commitment and the meaning of marriage.

I'd like to get the ring cleaned and resized slightly and wear it in place of my (very cheap) wedding ring, in memory of my nan and of commitment to my marriage.

I asked DH just now and he doesn't want me to. He can't really say why other than that my nans ring isn't the one I got married with.

I only mention my existing one was cheap so that it's clear it not because of the cost of my ring that DH said no.

It means a lot to me AIBU?

Why had he taken it off?

Please put yourself in your DHs shoes. What if he suddenly said he wanted to replace his wedding ring with a similar family heirloom, which he said meant more to him? OK it may not be his original ring but it's still the ring that represents his vows and commitment to you, things you said were so I important to you and why you admired your Nan so much. I really don't think your Nan who was so committed to her own marriage, would want you prioritizing your own feelings above those of your DH for such a significant symbol of you marriage.
Please be more empathetic. I think you may be deeply grieving but this isn't the way to work through it. Your husband and marriage should remain your primary focus over your relationships with other family members.

I wear a mixture of rings on my wedding finger. I lost my engagement ring so tend to alternate between an heirloom ring I have or an antique diamond ring I bought myself, along with my wedding, eternity and another thin band. I get bored easily and like mixing it up! I do wear my wedding ring at all times but change all the others as and when I feel like it.

I don't even remember the specifics now. He was upset and I was sad that he was upset but told him it's just a ring and we'd get him a new one. Then we moved on.

I feel the same about my late grandma and wear her ring on my right ring finger. No way would I ever use it to replace my own wedding ring!

So he didnt tell you why he took it off…?

I can see why he is upset it is a symbol of your marriage and as you class it as cheap you are ready to discard it for something more expensive.

as other posters have said wear it on your other hand if it means so much you

Wear it on a different finger, or in addition to your wedding ring, or round your neck. Fair enough that your husband wants you to wear your actual wedding ring, it has a specific symbolism.

I wear my grandmother's engagement ring on my right hand

She said she didn't remember not that he didn't tell her.

You don't have to take a ring off to lose it, my DH has lost rings while wearing them.

My nans ring really isn't flashy

Dh has his grandfathers wedding ring. He wears it on the ring finger of his right hand.

I know that the ring means a huge amount to him. I'm glad that he has and wears it. I'd be very hurt if he suggested replacing his wedding ring with it. It was his his grandfather's wedding ring, not ours.

@Nigellasstickytoffeepudding I’m so sorry for your loss 💐 2 weeks is no time at all and I think it’s possible that this issue is a little magnified right now because of how raw your emotions are. Why not have it resized and wear it on your right had for a while and see how you get on? Or wear it on a chain for now?
Is it engraved? You could have it resized and engraved with a nice tribute to your Nana and Grandad and wear it on your right hand? 😊

It’s not like he’s choosing her earrings FGS. A wedding ring is a commitment not an accessory.

She said she didn't remember not that he didn't tell her.

This is MN, someone will be along in a minute to suggest he took it off to see another woman and then lost it.

It's a symbol of her marriage, not yours. I have an ring that was my great nans engagement ring and passed to my nan and then to me - i wear it on my right hand. I wouldn't replace my wedding ring with someone else's.

Of course, I forgot. The only reason a man would ever take off his ring is for nefarious purposes. Not because he was gardening or cooking or something else that we women would take our rings off for

You could wear it on a chain around your neck. I can understand why your DH is upset and doesn't want you to devalue the ring he gave you.

This is a nice idea and has made me feel a little better, thank you

I wear my gran and my own wedding ring on the same finger. She had much bigger fingers than me so I wear her one then my one keeps it on. Her wedding ring was bought in 1939 so is a ver plain, very thin band so both rings fit no bother.

You admired your Nan’s 68 year marriage and part of that was her choosing to wear her wedding ring. The best way honour her is to wear your wedding ring and choose another finger for your Nan’s ring. Could you wear it as a signet ring on your left hand? So it would be next to your wedding ring.

I think losing your wedding ring (which happens, it’s just one of those things, and not actually at all unusual) and having to replace it is very different to owning your existing ring and just deciding you want to replace with someone else’s wedding ring that you could just as easily wear on your other hand.

I know lots of people who wear wedding rings of dead relatives. My mum wears my nan’s wedding ring. But they all either wear them on their other hand, or a different finger, or (for the one whose relative had already died before they married) they used the inherited ring to get married with.

Ultimately, your wedding ring is ‘just a ring’ so it could be argued that it doesn’t matter and it’s silly to be sentimental about it. But your nana’s ring is also ‘just a ring’ and the same arguments could be made about it. Your fixation on it replacing your own wedding ring rather than just wearing it In addition to your wedding ring does seem really odd to me. Of course you loved your nana but you weren’t married to her.

I wear my mum's and my aunts wedding rings on the little finger my right hand. I didn't want them resized as they wouldn't feel wholly theirs, if you get my drift. I wouldn't have replaced my wedding ring with them though.

What a weird question. People take their rings off all the time. To wash their hands, play sports, cook, garden, do DIY, or just to go to bed at night. Also you don’t have to take off a ring to lose it anyway. My brother’s wedding ring came off when he was swimming in the sea (on his honeymoon, in fact). I lost my signet ring from my finger as a teenager.

DD wears my late mother's wedding and engagement rings plus her own.

Her's on her left hand my DM's on her right.