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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to wear my nan's wedding ring?

124 replies

Nigellasstickytoffeepudding · 12/05/2024 22:00

I lost my nana two weeks ago, my grandad has given me her jewellery which includes her wedding ring.

My grandparents marriage lasted 68 years until her death at 90 and i really look up to them as a model of commitment and the meaning of marriage.

I'd like to get the ring cleaned and resized slightly and wear it in place of my (very cheap) wedding ring, in memory of my nan and of commitment to my marriage.

I asked DH just now and he doesn't want me to. He can't really say why other than that my nans ring isn't the one I got married with.

I only mention my existing one was cheap so that it's clear it not because of the cost of my ring that DH said no.

It means a lot to me AIBU?

OP posts:
Houseofpainjumparound · 14/05/2024 18:01

I was given a relatives ring by my Gran. (Was closest to the relative) but wasn't my style, so I had the ring remade, some stones into a 2nd eternity ring and the rest, including engraving on the ring into a pendant.

Now when I look at the pieces I know it was that ring and my children will get a bit of it each eventually, I tell them where it all came from so they know too

canyouletthedogoutplease · 14/05/2024 18:04

Tell him you'll give it some thought and wear it on a nice gold chain round your neck while you're doing that. You'll find a compromise.

Your wedding ring might be very cheap, but it was the ring you chose at the time when you married DH, and he might have some strong sentimental feelings about that ring, in the same way you have strong sentimental feelings about your Nan's wedding ring. It all sounds very raw and recent, give it some time to settle and you'll work it out.

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 14/05/2024 18:04

wear it on any other finger. i’m not surprised your husband isn’t happy. your own wedding ring should already be sentimental and it sounds like you don’t care about the ring he gave you.

SwordToFlamethrower · 14/05/2024 18:11

Wear them both, one on the left, one on the right

vickylou78 · 14/05/2024 18:12

Nigellasstickytoffeepudding · 12/05/2024 22:00

I lost my nana two weeks ago, my grandad has given me her jewellery which includes her wedding ring.

My grandparents marriage lasted 68 years until her death at 90 and i really look up to them as a model of commitment and the meaning of marriage.

I'd like to get the ring cleaned and resized slightly and wear it in place of my (very cheap) wedding ring, in memory of my nan and of commitment to my marriage.

I asked DH just now and he doesn't want me to. He can't really say why other than that my nans ring isn't the one I got married with.

I only mention my existing one was cheap so that it's clear it not because of the cost of my ring that DH said no.

It means a lot to me AIBU?

I'd wear your nans ring on a different finger.

Jiski · 14/05/2024 18:18

You married your husband with your ring. Your love for your grandma does not make her ring your wedding ring.

crumbpet · 14/05/2024 18:23

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 14/05/2024 18:04

wear it on any other finger. i’m not surprised your husband isn’t happy. your own wedding ring should already be sentimental and it sounds like you don’t care about the ring he gave you.

Yeah it's like it's replacable and means less to you than your nans

Jaybail · 14/05/2024 18:24

I think that you are grieving and that is why you want to wear your Nan's wedding ring, as a way of being close to her. It's a lovely idea, but the ring is a symbol of your grandparents marriage not yours. I can understand your husband, he will be hurt that the ring he bought and pledged his commitment to you with is being cast aside.

Macbeff · 14/05/2024 18:24

Can’t you wear both?

MyPeppyTaupeFox · 14/05/2024 18:27

My wedding ring is my Nan's ring but I got married with it. It wouldn't feel the same to me if it wasn't the one I'd had on the day. Saying that, your DH lost the moral high ground on that argument when he lost his!

Maray1967 · 14/05/2024 18:44

Nigellasstickytoffeepudding · 12/05/2024 22:04

He said that, but I don't know I just feel I don't want to wear it on my right 😔

Show quote history

No, you should wear it on your right hand. I wear my late mum’s rings on my right hand. I’m quite sure my DH would think it very strange if I wore them instead of my own wedding ring.,

Wishimaywishimight · 14/05/2024 18:58

I wear my dad's wedding ring on my thumb. I find it really comforting.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 14/05/2024 19:07

I'd be really hurt if my DH wanted to wear another ring instead of his wedding ring. I also would expect that if your nan was married that long, she might not have wanted her ring to replace your given your wedding ring was "the one" on your finger when you got hitched.

I haven't lost my wedding ring (touch wood!), but if I did, I wouldn't be replacing it with one of my mums rings as much as I love them and miss her. My wedding ring is a symbol of me and my husband. My mums rings are a reminder of her and my dad. Different things entirely!

Kittyloulou · 14/05/2024 19:12

I’d be really hurt if I was your DH. You’re valuing your grandparent marriage more than your own. That’s not very nice. I’d wear it on the left hand.

No1toldmeaboutit · 14/05/2024 19:19

You aren't/wasn’t married to your Nan so wear it on another finger

fromtheshires · 14/05/2024 19:34

Honestly, this forum is so predicable and I didn't need to wait long to see the suggestion OP's husband was sleeping around as being the reason he lost his 🙄. Im surprised no one has said LTB yet!

My husband lost his ring in the loft. These things happen. After 5 hours I was like let it go but he was distraught and refused to come down until it was found.

@Nigellasstickytoffeepudding if you have asked husband and he doesn't want you to do it, respect that. The ring he gave you clearly means something to him, even if it doesn't to you.

Wear your grandmothers ring on a chain or on another finger if it means that much to you.

PoppyCherryDog · 14/05/2024 20:19

My mum wears my dad’s gran’s wedding ring and engagement ring because they’re nice and the actual ones used at their wedding were cheap Argos ones as all they could afford at the time.

Tbh I don’t see an issue with it but as a compromise can you wear both?

ladycarlotta · 14/05/2024 20:34

sounds like your grief is very fresh and you want to be close to your nan, which is really fair enough. But I don't think replacing your wedding ring with hers is the right decision. Find another way to honour her. I'm sorry for your loss.

Copperoliverbear · 14/05/2024 20:38

Wear both of them on the same finger

Lancrelady80 · 14/05/2024 20:45

I'm with DH here. He lost his and (probably) was gutted about it. But you say yourself that your actual ring is only "cheap" , implying the one you got married with isn't as good as your nan's ring. You are choosing to replace the ring you chose together and that symbolizes your union ... with something you consider to better. Logic doesn't come into this, it's the psychological implications behind it, thinking you are happily discarding your ring and all it symbolizes without a second thought.

I completely understand the strong wish to wear your nan's ring, but please compromise and wear on a chain round your neck, or on your right hand. Don't simply discard / replace your actual ring.

BirthdayRainbow · 14/05/2024 20:59

Nigellasstickytoffeepudding · 12/05/2024 22:06

I should also have mentioned (sorry, not meaning to drip feed) that HIS ring isn't the one he got married with. He lost his a few years ago and we replaced it.

That is different though as you bought that together.

Don't do it.

Sausagenbacon · 14/05/2024 21:03

You and your DH both have legitimate and deeply held feelings about these rings, I would wait until your grief is a little less fresh before making any decisions.
This

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/05/2024 21:06

I'd be gutted if my husband wanted to do this, his wedding ring is precious to me and a symbol of our marriage. I'd feel like he was less committed to us.

MillsAndBalloons · 14/05/2024 21:08

I wear my Gran's wedding right on my right hand

jaislapeche · 14/05/2024 21:13

Oh my goodness wear whatever you want. I replaced my (very lovely) wedding ring with a different one because I fancied a change. It didn't cross my mind to ask permission or ask for my husband's view on it (and I don't think he cares because there are more important things in life)!