Was my relative right all those years ago about me not working hard??

[Efogi]

When I was a child, I was quite good academically and did very well without having to try too hard or struggle with any of my school work etc. Got used to being a high achiever.

A relative once told me that I should watch out - breezing through school work so easily without trying much would make me too comfy and complacent and I'd never learn what it meant to truly work hard to achieve something or have real drive. He told me a story of how the most inteligent girl in his class ended up as a petrol pump attendant as after breezing through school as she didn't know how to work hard.

Fast forward to working life and after a slow start in my 20s where I probably coasted along and never felt in right role, I've done alright for myself but I wouldn't say I was a high achiever in work - more a solid and reliable colleague who's moved up gradually and also been in right place at right time on a few occasions too.

One of the things I have been told by a few bosses is I don't have as much 'hunger' as others.

I have colleagues that are workaholics, do 50-60 hour weeks and are relentless in their pursuit of targets/ goals. Sometimes they skip lunch and seem to neglect their wellbeing to ensure they fit more work in.

I've never gone to those extremes as I know Id burn out very quickly but I get what's on my to do list done well and efficiently, I work late sometimes when it requires it etc and probably go over my hours some weeks. I can't claim to be as relentless as some of my colleagues though and I wonder if there's something missing for me with that.

Recently lost out on a promotion and I've felt a bit downgraded at work. Made me reflective on my whole mindset about work and my relatives words from all those years ago have come back to haunt me.

Is my approach all wrong? Does it seem complacent compared to the workaholic colleagues?

I'd say I am ambitious but at the same time I've never wanted to be a complete slave to a job and sacrifice my wellbeing to climb to the top as I know I'm just a cog in a machine and can easily be replaced.

Feeling down about the situation and would be great to hear some perspectives.

Yes I would say I work hard and pitch inwhen I need to. I was doing a conference call at 8pm last month with an international client for example.

But my boss is still another level, often working until 11pm and at weekends. I'm not doing that but I refuse to feel bad about it now - it's just not a good working style to emulate.

It really isn't. There are only two good reasons to do that kind of thing. One is that you like it, and two is that you feel you're going to get benefits you actually want from it. Neither seem to apply in your case.

OP I am a bit like you. Found academic work easy, always do well in jobs and get good feedback but have not progressed to very senior roles that you might expect at my age.

Like you I keep my head down, do my work well but don't out in insane hours or volunteer mucj for additional work.

Like you I recently missed out on a promotion that many people assumed I would walk in to. The feedback I got (couched in a roundabout way) was pretty much that the person who got it has been visibly working towards a promotion longer than I had and was seen as hungrier for it.

Which, TBH l, is true. I applied as I knew I could do the job and fancied the extra £10k. That is it. Not burning desire to move up the career ladder.

I'm not sure there is a definitive answer for everyone. What is right for one person will be wrong for another.

To me happiness comes from building and using skills. I'm not especially intelligent but what I do have is application by the bucket load. I work hard because I need to. I earn reasonably well. Not quite 6 figures but I'm hoping to get there before I retire. On the whole I would say I am pretty happy.

The two people I have known to be happiest in their jobs were a repair technician at Curry's and DD1 who is a biochemist. With both I think it is a question of finding the best fit in terms of organisation, skills and personality.

Also some people are workaholics as a coping mechanism. So it's easy for them to funnel themselves into work, the way other people go crazy for shopping or gambling.

This 100%

Agree, def see people using it as some kind of coping or avoidance mechanism.

I wonder if my boss is a bit like this

I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Also when you work hours like that, you lose perspective. She's daft, frankly. I am 67 now, still working and am very happy doing so, as I love my job and the place I work.

Friends who worked in bigger companies couldn't wait to retire. I wonder if it's the politics that they wanted to avoid.