Was my relative right all those years ago about me not working hard??

[Efogi]

When I was a child, I was quite good academically and did very well without having to try too hard or struggle with any of my school work etc. Got used to being a high achiever.

A relative once told me that I should watch out - breezing through school work so easily without trying much would make me too comfy and complacent and I'd never learn what it meant to truly work hard to achieve something or have real drive. He told me a story of how the most inteligent girl in his class ended up as a petrol pump attendant as after breezing through school as she didn't know how to work hard.

Fast forward to working life and after a slow start in my 20s where I probably coasted along and never felt in right role, I've done alright for myself but I wouldn't say I was a high achiever in work - more a solid and reliable colleague who's moved up gradually and also been in right place at right time on a few occasions too.

One of the things I have been told by a few bosses is I don't have as much 'hunger' as others.

I have colleagues that are workaholics, do 50-60 hour weeks and are relentless in their pursuit of targets/ goals. Sometimes they skip lunch and seem to neglect their wellbeing to ensure they fit more work in.

I've never gone to those extremes as I know Id burn out very quickly but I get what's on my to do list done well and efficiently, I work late sometimes when it requires it etc and probably go over my hours some weeks. I can't claim to be as relentless as some of my colleagues though and I wonder if there's something missing for me with that.

Recently lost out on a promotion and I've felt a bit downgraded at work. Made me reflective on my whole mindset about work and my relatives words from all those years ago have come back to haunt me.

Is my approach all wrong? Does it seem complacent compared to the workaholic colleagues?

I'd say I am ambitious but at the same time I've never wanted to be a complete slave to a job and sacrifice my wellbeing to climb to the top as I know I'm just a cog in a machine and can easily be replaced.

Feeling down about the situation and would be great to hear some perspectives.

This is healthy and normal. And will give you more happiness in the long run than chasing a fancy job title for the sake of it..

Nothing, I think it's good that you've got to a place you're happy with. I'm still trying to figure things out I guess but I think I'm pulling my abilities apart in the process and assuming I'm doing it all wrong

Working remotely puts you at a disadvantage to start with.

You don't want to burn out, happy in your own groove so best to accept your role

Yes I often look at some of the team leaders and see what they're dealing with and feel glad I'm out of that and can just focus on getting my work done.

Doing more hours or having a fancy job title would make me miserable

I suppose I always got a lot of self esteem from high academic achievements and now I don't get that from work as much so sometimes feel a bit deflated

My boss has set a benchmark that is impossible to emulate. They work more than anyone I've ever known and do get a lot done but I feel that's the standard expectation in the team now and obviously I fall short and it's been noted

I feel very similar but am older.

I hate self promotion and i hate networking.
i also dont want the drama and stress of being the boss/head of dept.

I don't want the stress of setting up my own company.

I make about £180k a year now
i dont think I'll even make 300k ever.
I am not particularly senior in my current role. My job title is MANAGER and i dont have any direct reports in this role!

Dont fight it... make sure you have stuff going on outside of work.

OP, you need to distinguish between the skills needed to do a job well. And the skills needed to build a career. Acing exams doesn't prepare you for success in the working world, despite society's obsessions with good grades.

You need to have a high degree of self-awareness and understanding of what success looks like for you. You might benefit from a career coach.

I was also an academic high achiever, so I understand where you're coming from. Personally I want to earn more, and have some intellectual challenge. The higher i climb the less of the latter I find, and a lot of my higher salary is taken away in tax.
So I plan to become a consultant... build my own business long-term.

You need to find your own path. And work out how to leverage your skills to get there.

'Hungry' seems to be a euphemism for 'working harder for no reward'.

I think you are a perfectly normal worker attitude wise, probably above average if you have been promoted several times. However you seem to be fixated on what that relative said and using it to blame yourself for your current position even though your position is pretty great.

Getting ahead in the work place is not the only ambition we can or should have. What's that saying about being on your death bed and no-one ever regretting not working enough!?

If it's just about money could you look for other jobs at your current level of responsibility? Are you being paid market rate?

You seem to be equating resilience, motivation and overcoming adversity with being a workaholic. Thats not been my experience.

Whilst you're probably being a bit hard on yourself, I think there's some general truth in what your relative said. I remember a teacher saying something similar to me at college - I did well, but other students grafted harder - and she did have a point. 'You do you' though, as they say.

What line of work do you do? That's an amazing salary and great if you've found a good work life balance

You and I sound very similar. Academically high flyers, but not particularly career driven. My dad was also the exact same. One of the brightest people I ever knew, he "did well" at work (but we only really ever had his word for it, he was a public sector worker, so we never really saw it reflected in his pay), more by accident than design. And then did the bare minimum to stay afloat!

Personally, I've learnt over the years that I don't like being "managed", I'd rather do my own thing. Hence now why I'm a free lance zero hours worker!

Folks I went to school with, who were much less academically able, are now in much higher paid jobs than mine!

I don't care tbh!

You're right. I do try to do other things outside work - I'm studying for a French GCSE for example, which is a bit random but I fancied doing a night class once a week.

I have looked into other roles and I think I could maybe find something better so I may start looking more seriously or engage a career coach as other poster suggested

You’ve done pretty well at work!

So would ditch the baggage of your relative’s anecdotal and unsolicited feedback from your teens. That was aeons ago.

Sounds like your organisation has a particular culture and that it could be difficult to earn much more there without working more hours and doing things a certain way (or seeming to!) Might it work better to seek a role with better pay elsewhere?

feedback to ‘be more hungry’ seems unhelpful at best, unless perhaps you’re in something ruthless like sales!

Somewhat predictably my employer is a tech company!
I'm in a non tech role but interact with tech teams.

I actually dont like the company (the culture / people are my main struggle) but am very greatful and appreciative of the benefits it brings to me and my family.

Wouldn’t be paying a career coach, there’s loads of free or cheap advice out there!

Definitely going to look into a career coach. I don't think I ever had many skills to build a career. I stupidly thought being clever was enough - very naive. Luckily I've still done OK but wish I'd had more about me in my 20s

I'm another who did extremely well academically but I'm not a super high flyer at work. In my case it's partly because I've prioritised my family. I have made my peace with this - I'm happy with my life choices. But if you're not, nothing to stop you going for the next promotion. Don't be put off by a minor setback.

I am somewhat similar, but unfortunately met a couple of people on the way who destroyed my confidence in myself.

I do think your relative is right, getting by through coasting is a very insidious habit. And hard workers/hungrier people always ultimately do better.

Look at some of the cretins who end up in management roles, it wasn't by merit it was by bullshitting, shmoosing, bragging, overconfidence, taking credit for others work etc etc.

Personally I can't thing of anything worse then having to manage people. I'm in a creative field and I want to do the actual creative work not manage/train/supervise those who do.

Certainly not. That sort of thing isn't remotely aspirational or successful from where I'm sitting.

Free advice is great for specific aspects such as networking, salary negotiations, etc. Not when you need to change your mindset or don't even know where to start!

I found career coaches (paid for by the company!) useful as a young graduate, but I also realized, pretty quickly that 'hard work' alone wasn't enough. So I looked for mentorship from people who had my dream roles. I've always been a very introspective person so picked up on what was needed very quickly.

‘Paid for by the company’ being the key thing there!

Sounds like you have figured out the right work / life balance for yourself