To think 9pm is too early to go to bed..

[Ginspirational]

I wake for work at 5:30am, DH wakes at 6, we get up and ready and then DD wakes at 6:30 and we crack on with the day.

I work a desk job, DH works as a store manager in retail so he is on his feet most of the day. Admittedly I’ve never worked retail so maybe I am being unreasonable but he goes to sleep at 9pm every single night without fail, and I think it’s really early.

I usually go up for a bath/shower around 8, and he will be asleep on the sofa when I come back down at 8:45, I wake him and then he goes up to bed and I will lay on my phone for an hour before going to sleep at 10/10:30pm.

I find it a little irritating because we basically get an hour together after DD goes to sleep, but he says his work means he’s permanently exhausted. I think he needs to go to the GP.. he’s always knackered and grumpy. Who is being unreasonable here?

Jesus, where are my night owls at?

9 hours is long, but I think in the realms of “normal”. But if he’s getting a solid 9 hours every night and still is tired all the time then yes I’d go to the doctor. I went when I was permanently exhausted no matter how much sleep I got, turns out I had severe sleep apnoea.

I’m not sure. I’ve got a 2.5 year old who wakes once or twice a night - although it was every two hours since birth until a few weeks ago - and a fairly sedentary job. I do have a disability but not one that I thought affected my sleep too much.

I’ve just come up to bed. I’m shattered. I do feel bad - lack of time with DH, lack of time when I’m not in full “mum” mode - but I’m also absolutely shattered and I’ll be up any time between 4:30 - 6:30.

I did mention it to my GP while there about something else and she said that was life 🫣

Some people just need more sleep. I have a desk job and 6yr old twins and generally sleep 10:30-6:30 and that is not enough sleep for me. I barely ever feel rested. Pre-kids it’s would probably have been fine, though I have always needed a lot of sleep and would happily sleep 10:30-10 on weekends and on holidays before kids, but kids take it the fuck out of you, and I can’t imagine adding a retail job into that too.

I’ve always been a morning person and early to bed so I can completely relate!

My workday bedtime is 10pm and I don’t get up until 7am! I don’t sleep well though, I’m usually awake several hours in the night.

I'm a nurse doing 9-5 but my job is mentally and physically draining so I do need my rest.

I think if you are a morning person, staying up late is really difficult. And some do need more sleep than others!

My husband is a 9-10 hours a night kind of person, whereas I'm comfortable on 5-6 hours. We both get up at 7am so he tends to be off to bed between 9pm and 10pm, whereas I'm usually still up until around 1am. Despite this I have way more daytime energy than him, he's often sleepy. Has been to doctor and nothing wrong, he just needs more sleep. Maybe I sleep harder 😂

Everyone is different, I just make the most of having peace and quiet for a few hours once he's gone off to bed! Maybe take up a craft or hobby to fill that time?

Does he eat enough? My husband works very long hours in an active job and would basically pass out on the sofa every night after dinner. He’s just not someone who cares for food and is so busy during the day so was barely eating enough to keep a fly alive.
In the last few months he’s been actively trying to put on weight and he’s a completely different person. He’s not once fallen asleep before bed at around 10.30/11 and he’s a much nicer person to be around!

Reading through all these messages has got me thinking maybe I don’t sleep enough and am actually wired like an overtired crazy person full of energy 😂

I always kind of figured that sleeping too much made you feel even more tired, and that’s why he’s living in a permanent state of exhaustion (though with the addition of a 40 hour week and 2 year old that isn’t really fair).

Thanks everyone, I think I am probably being a bit hard on him - though I will be encouraging an hours nap whilst DD sleeps on the weekend so that we can have a bit more time together in the evenings!

I'd be thinking depression and/or sleep apnoea.

@Mummypete this is an excellent point actually.. he often skips breakfast and lunch because he’s busy and will eat something random in the car on the way home, usually full of sugar. Maybe this could be the answer!

I can kind of relate...

I work in hospitality so similar being on your feet being nice to people and by the end of my (short) shift I'm peopled out. Unfortunately I still have to get the kids, do the housework so by 9pm I'm ready for bed.

I rarely go to sleep until 10.30 but I need that downtime to relax. My husband can be with me but often I just need to doom scroll.

Tonight I've been out socialising so I need a bit of time for me alone. Give me too long and I start to get twitchy, too little and I'm just not in the room mentally.

We have a similar aged child. Alarm goes of 0545, husband goes down to make coffee and do a bit of work, he brings mine up around 0630. We both shower, he leaves around 0715, I get the toddler ready and drop off at 0800.

Husband leaves work and pick up toddler at 1800, back around 1815 and I finish work. Toddler snack, chats, bit of play, husband does bath and bed, toddler asleep by 2000.

We don’t eat until 2100, let alone go to bed!! We have a chat over dinner, maybe catch up with a bit of work or watch something. Read in bed and turn the lights out around midnight. Yes we have probably have a bit too little sleep, but I’d prefer to sacrifice that than family and leisure time!!

I think this changes everything! His blood sugars must be all over the place. He needs to start eating proper food during the day. No wonder he's tired if he's starving all day then gorging on sugar.

I get up at 7am but rarely get to sleep before 2am

I need a lot more sleep than that, but there’s no time for it, too many other things to do.

id be pissed off at never seeing my other half yes!

Everyone is different though 🤔I get up at 6:30, go to bed between 11:30 and 12 so I think 10/10:30 is early, but that doesn’t mean I’m right or wrong. If I got to bed earlier I just wake up earlier, unless I’m unusually tired.

Bed every day at 9 is my dream. I don't though as I like seeing dh.

Boa suit in mine is in bed before 11 pm and we both get up at 5 and 5:45 am .

He skips breakfast and lunch?! I’d be passed out by 3pm!! He needs to eat regular healthy meals if he has an active job.

My health when I was a retail manager was shocking. It's also very stressful. Thing is, it was really well paid, with good promotion prospects, so I stayed longer than I should have. It's a pretty toxic environment.
Having my DD and being forced out was ultimately the best thing that could have happened to me.

Has he always needed 9 hrs sleep or is that new?

If something's changed, he should go to his GP. Never ignore unexplained tiredness.

I got more and more tired a couple of years ago, until I fell asleep on the sofa at 6.30 pm, before cooking ds' supper. Went to gp and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Silly really, I should have realised earlier that something was wrong.

Totally agree with the first paragraph here, seems odd that you're taking yourself off for 45 mins in his awake hours and then complaining you're not getting enough time together

I'm a night owl but if on early shift at work I will manage on 5 hours sleep
Everyone is different

If you want the extra time together have a 10 minute shower instead then go relax in bed together for a while

Ahh just seen above if he isn't eating properly then this will be why he's knackered

Im like your DH. A lark that wakes up naturally around 6am sometimes earlier in the summer. I can quite easily be in bed by 9 but usually go to sleep between 9 30 and 10. Might stay up a bit later at the weekend but very rarely stay up past 11.
My DH is the complete opposite, he has been a total night owl all his life and Will potter about tinkering and fixing things until gone 2am 🤣 his day doesn't start until 10am. we are all different

I've always needed a lot of sleep. Regularly jump onto bed at 8pm or 9pm if I can.