To think 9pm is too early to go to bed..

[Ginspirational]

I wake for work at 5:30am, DH wakes at 6, we get up and ready and then DD wakes at 6:30 and we crack on with the day.

I work a desk job, DH works as a store manager in retail so he is on his feet most of the day. Admittedly I’ve never worked retail so maybe I am being unreasonable but he goes to sleep at 9pm every single night without fail, and I think it’s really early.

I usually go up for a bath/shower around 8, and he will be asleep on the sofa when I come back down at 8:45, I wake him and then he goes up to bed and I will lay on my phone for an hour before going to sleep at 10/10:30pm.

I find it a little irritating because we basically get an hour together after DD goes to sleep, but he says his work means he’s permanently exhausted. I think he needs to go to the GP.. he’s always knackered and grumpy. Who is being unreasonable here?

Some people need more sleep than others, some need less. Personally I couldn’t cope on your amount of sleep but my DH could.

I think it’s a little early to be conked out asleep even if up at 6 and on your feet all day. But it’s in the realm of normal - just a person who requires more sleep to function.

However you’ve also said he is “knackered and grumpy” all the time which is concerning if he’s getting 9 hours sleep!
Thats why I’d push him to get checked out. Does he ever have a wave of energy and stay up later/ seem in a good mood?

I’m on my feet all day as a nurse, on my work days I’m likely fast asleep by 21:30, although on days off 10/10:30.

Id understand on work days but it would bore me on days off.

Retail is hard work if you are on your feet all day. That’s why I don’t do it.

Hubby is in the habit of going upstairs at around 9pm for a shower and bed ready to be up at 0450, for the 0527 bus which gets him to work at 0555, where he is until he catches the 1611 and doesn’t get in til gone 1700.

if I’m working nights I leave at 2130 so he will wait until I go, and I know he loves having the bed to himself!

I think when we were younger we both slept more, some nights we were asleep before the kids, but recently I read something which is true to me.

”The most stupidest thing I did as a child, was wish I was an adult”

Thank you, yes he’s the same on his days off, though he says it’s because he’s so tired from the week’s work that he needs 2 days to catch up on sleep. I get that people have different sleep levels though, but he is grumpy a lot of the time and puts it down to tiredness - which is why I think something could be amiss.

Up at 6 and on your feet all day?! I used to be up at 6.30 and work in retail and by 7 I was counting down to bed. On your feet all day, non stop lifting and running!! (Or worse standing and waiting all day as there’s no customers!) Everyone’s body is different

If I let myself do what suits me I’d be in bed at 9pm and I’d read for a bit and go to bed at 9.30. I need a lot of sleep. However, I have health issues (autoimmune related) and I appreciate it’s early for most people. For dhs sake I do make myself stay up later so we have some sort of evening together, I usually go up at 10.30/11ish. But I’m absolutely shattered doing that. He’s the opposite to me and will stay up easily till 1.30am and still get up for work at 7am every day. 😳

My DH was the same and then we discovered he had Haemochromatosis which is an iron overload blood disorder that gives you extreme fatigue.

I don't think it's early to go to bed as I go at 9pm.

But ..... I get up at 4am!!!!

So I'd say 10/10.30 would be reasonable with a 6am start.

But everyone is different in the amount of sleep they need and 7 hrs is fine for me.

Dh gets up at 530, ds and I 630. Ds goes to bed at 8. We go to bed about 915/930. We need 8 hours.

On a weekend we get a lay in each and stay up til 1030/1130

How old is DD?

I appreciate wanting some adult time but tbh we do 10-6 and I’m knackered. So if I was in a job that involved standing all day I’d get it.

I get up at 5:30, very stressful desk job. I do 7:30am- 6pm four days a week. Short commute.

In bed by 9:15 Sun-Thursday.

So I think it’s ok.

I often need to be up for the day by 5am, and on those days I'm in bed by 9!

God I'd rather die. To get one hour of "leisure" presumably 5 days a week and spend most of your time toiling or sleeping, how depressing. What is even the point?

I'm a unreserved night owl though, my favourite time of day has always been night time. I'd rather sleep less.

I should’ve said that DD is almost 2, so a full on toddler (but - touch wood - an excellent sleeper). She does take it out of us, maybe this is just a season of our lives.

He finds his job very stressful and wants out of the retail world so maybe when he does that we will get a bit more time together.. for now I will just enjoy the time spent aimlessly scrolling!

I would also find it quite irritating because it feels like you have no quality time. I would rather have an extra hour awake but chilling than go straight to bed: it seems depressing and elderly to have no downtime at night other than being asleep.

But each to their own. I need very little sleep: I can function fine on five and a half or six hours, some people can’t function on less than about eight.

Can you compromise at all and persuade him to sleep in a bit longer at weekends and stay up longer?

I’m also in the 9pm camp, without fail. Although I do have a 1 year old waking multiple times through the night, and 5.30-6.30am wake-up! Even before though, I was rarely much past 10pm.

I can see why you might feel it’s a bit early though, even with a 6am start. The grumpiness isn't OK on a regular basis either. Is there any opportunity for a lie in, or even a nap on days off?

Even after 13 hour long shifts running about like a blue arsed fly I needed adequate decompression time.

Strangely enough I could go straight to sleep after a night shift. Brains are odd.

I need 10 hours of sleep a night to feel well, I’ve always been the same. I couldn’t be operating on any less than 8 hours. Often at the weekend I’ll sleep 14-15 hours

Go to bed and lay together, even if you're reading/scrolling/snoozing; at least you're physically together.

If you want time together in the evening why are you spending 45 mins in the shower during his awake time? Perhaps go for your shower when he goes to bed 🤷🏻‍♀️
Apart from that, I’d say 9 hours is a lot so you might both be right (ie he needs some general blood tests to see if there is an underlying factor, plus needs to get out of retail!).

Anyway how come some of the early sleepers are still awake

Can’t believe she many people go to bed so early. I have a busy job (secondary head of department), I’m up at 6am and have a 45 min drive either way (more in bad traffic) and I think 9 is too early. Sometimes I’m not long in from picking kids up from clubs or just I’ve just finished doing jobs. I tend to watch the news headlines at 10 then get ready for bed and read for a while. Usually turn light off around 10:45. I am tired, but I like some time in the evening. I wouldn’t have any time to relax, watch tv etc if I went to bed at 9.

The person posting they were in bed at 9 without fail at 9:45pm was quite funny

I'm up at 5ish most mornings and working all day and honestly other than the weekend I'm in bed reading by 8.30/9 asleep by 9/9.30. I can't manage on less sleep so I get it. I guess everyone's different.