To think 9pm is too early to go to bed..

[Ginspirational]

I wake for work at 5:30am, DH wakes at 6, we get up and ready and then DD wakes at 6:30 and we crack on with the day.

I work a desk job, DH works as a store manager in retail so he is on his feet most of the day. Admittedly I’ve never worked retail so maybe I am being unreasonable but he goes to sleep at 9pm every single night without fail, and I think it’s really early.

I usually go up for a bath/shower around 8, and he will be asleep on the sofa when I come back down at 8:45, I wake him and then he goes up to bed and I will lay on my phone for an hour before going to sleep at 10/10:30pm.

I find it a little irritating because we basically get an hour together after DD goes to sleep, but he says his work means he’s permanently exhausted. I think he needs to go to the GP.. he’s always knackered and grumpy. Who is being unreasonable here?

My son works 6am to 6pm.
Hes on his feet all day gets home has dinner and in bed by 8.30pm.
Mostly he heads to bed around 9. 9.30pm.

I'm up at 5 and in bed by 7 unless I have company - reading, but will almost without fail be asleep by 9.

Retail and being on your feet all day does take it out of you.

Lots of things could be the cause but a health check both physical and mental. You said he wants out of retails, is he depressed and has got himself in a vicious cycle.

My partner and I are totally different with sleep. Both have a job with different start-end times, and can be either physical or mentally draining depending on what we are doing at work.

My partner will drop off to sleep quickly, where as I need decompression time, and struggle to fall asleep by just shutting my eyes. I also have a chronic fatigue and insomnia condition and my body just kinda has found a way to work.

I think it’s a bit odd you spend 45 mins in the shower when you know your partner wants to go to bed early and then complain you don’t get to spend time together? Why don’t you go for your shower at 9 when parter heads to bed? That way you get your shower and time with DP and DP still gets to go to bed early ish?

Why not go for your shower once he's in bed! So if hes going to bed at 9, that's when you have your shower/ bath and you have the time before then together.

My dp gets up at 4 and goes to bed at 8.30/9 gets earlier as the week goes on. Also works in retail. I also go to bed early 9pm even though alarm goes off at 6.30 but I am a person who needs a lot of sleep! Dd is now 11 and we are often having to tell her to get herself to bed as we want to go to sleep, and I mean sleep!

Maybe his quality of sleep isn't good hence always tired! Though I can have 9 hours sleep and still be tired!

Another one wondering why if you're bothered about how little time you have together, you spend 45 mins of the time he's awake having a bath...!

Can't you bathe or shower after he's in bed?

Actually op I think you're the odd one.

You know he'll be asleep at 9. So you go for a long shower at 8. Then moan you can't spend time together. And have to spend an hour alone on your phone

Spend time together up until 9 and then go for your shower when he goes to bed.

I generally go to bed after tea & shower, put tv on in bed and probably asleep around 9/9.30pm if not earlier some nights and sleep through (alarm set for 5.30, normally just about manage to drag myself up for 6), I could sleep longer given the chance. I’m often knackered after work. In winter it’s also cozy and warmer compared to sitting downstairs. YABU.

Christ he's not down a mine all day. That whole set up would drive me bonkers.

Who knew so many adults needed (and got) 8/9/10 hours sleep! You'd think people would be less grumpy generally with that much sleep...

He needs more sleep and better nutrition. Stop that 'falling asleep in the sofa' he does and send him off as soon as he gets sleepy. It's quality sleep he needs and he sounds totally exhausted.

My DH and I both get up at 5am and need a solid 8hrs to feel good. We got up to bed at 8.30pm and are asleep by 9pm.

7-9 hours sleep is perfectly normal.

I have a health condition and spend 18 hours a day resting and most days have a 20min-1.5hour nap and sleep 9 hours at night.

My husband is fit and healthy, works in construction and is on his feet all day 3 days a week and wfh 2 days a week he also needs 9 hours.

We go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 7am, 7 days a week. We both feel absolutely knackered if we go to sleep past 11pm.

I think this thread has attracted the early to bed crew. I don’t know anyone who goes to sleep at 9pm or has 9 hours sleep every night.

The average working adult isn’t sleeping for 8 let alone 9 hours.

my ideal sleep time is 7 hours but that said I appreciate some people need more and that is still within the realms of normal . So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him sleeping 9 hours every night as such.

However, I think a lot of people are missing the point that even with this 9 hour daily sleep her husband is always grumpy and tired including on his days off. And it’s a bad habit to be constantly falling asleep on the sofa.

Perhaps just leave him there next time instead of waking him? It’s one thing if he does it occasionally but if he does it routinely and is expecting you to wake him up so he can go to bed that’s not great for either of you.

@Ginspirational IMO Something is amiss, he either needs to change job asap or visit the GP. He is sleeping this much and still grumpy & tired. It shouldn’t really be normalised.

And either way, he needs to manage the impact it is having on you anyway. Why should you put up with constant moodiness?

But posters do have a point about you spending 45 minutes in the shower during the short window of downtime he has. Why not wait until he’s gone to bed?

If he needs the sleep, he needs the sleep. I get up around 6 am and usually asleep by 9pm. I work part time but also study around 10 hours a week. I do all of the household stuff and life admin. As I no longer have the opportunity for an afternoon nap, I have nothing left in me by 9.

I think there’s a big difference between being on your feet all day jobs and being in a desk job. A difference that desk people don’t get.

l was a teacher and was knackered every day. When we had training days and l wasn’t walking miles l felt completely different.

Well he's only having 8.5 hours a night, and works full time and presumably does his share of parenting DC, so has a tiring day, so I don't think its something he needs to go to the doctor about. Anything between 6-9 hours sleep is normal so I doubt the doctor will look for an underlying condition to cure the inconvenience it causes. Its a busy stage. It will pass.

Awake at 5.30 and I work 7-4 I teach so pretty busy during the work day. During the week I go to bed at 10 and asleep at 10. 30. I do get more tired as the week goes on

I need sleep. I often trade it for decompression time and my health suffers massively. I then end up making up for it by sleeping excessively on the weekends.

let the man sleep. It’s healthy.