I think he’s expecting sex on the first date

[CherryBlossom97]

What might not even be a proper date now I’m thinking about it. I’ve been speaking to this guy for a few weeks. I’ve known him a while but not seen him for probably about 10 years.. he has turned recent conversations quite sexual and now he’s saying things like ‘This needs to happen sooner rather than later’ and now he says he’s free any day next week if I am with wink emojis so I think he’s now got an expectation. What would you do?

At least you know what he's looking for. You get to decide what happens now. Just don't go to the date in the hope of a relationship starting.

What do you want? I slept with my DH the night we met, not even a date, been together 13 years. if you want to, go for it. If not, tell him

He just wants sex, he will disappear after you sleep with him.

So did I. I slept with everyone I’ve dated immediately because I wanted to check for compatibility. BUT I wouldn’t have gone in a date with OR slept with, someone who managed to be this unattractive via text message.

Ugh.
Possibly my age, but I really couldn't be bothered with this 💩 anymore.
🤢

Block immediately. So there's been no talk of going to a restaurant of a meet up of coffee? Run OP.

Oh come on, OP, he's so sleazy. Why are you even talking to him?

I would have thought if neither of you had seen each other in ten years, there would be a hope of romance there, rather than a quick shag.

He's insulting.

If you don't like what he's saying and the assumptions he's making, then why keep talking to him?

He's making it very clear he wants to fast-forward to the fucking, so if you're looking for something else, just bin him off.

I wouldn’t have any more to do with someone who used phrases like “it needs to happen sooner rather than later”. It doesn’t need to anything, that’s what he would like.

And all this about wanting sex straight away, and trying to get it guaranteed in advance of any kind of date, just no.

I would bin him without meeting him.

Just what I thought!

Do you want sex with this guy?
It could be a one off.
It could become a fwb.
Or it could become a ltr/marriage.
Only you can know what should do.
Personally I have been in your shoes, met the guy and regretted it.

besides which, I can guarantee it will be rushed, selfish, disappointing

If you are looking for a date and for something to potentially develop, then this isn’t the man for you.

He is looking for just sex.
Potentially a ONS or FWBs.

If you’re just looking for sex and you fancy him then carry on and there’s not wrong with that but it sounds like you’re not and so I would just be honest with him about what you’re looking for and what you’re not looking for.

Is what he wants the same as what you want?
If not then tell him.

If his messages are making you feel uncomfortable then imagine what it will be like in person.
If you still fancy meeting him, set some clear boundaries in advance (lots of good examples in thread), meet him somewhere crowded and public during daytime. You'll feel more in control.
If the prospect of above still leaves you feeling uncomfortable then just say, I've changed my mind and can't meet anymore. All the best, etc.
You don't owe him, his ego, or his penis anything.

This. I've no problem with sex on the first date or even before there's a first date if you're feeling it and you just want to. I like sex and can't be arsed with 'tests'. DH and I slept together technically before we ever had a first date and we've been happily together 20 years.

But this guy's presumption and self-absorption are majorly ewww, so I'd give him a hard no and move on.

I think you can do better than this twat. He sounds gross. Just tell him you've had a better offer and you won't be meeting up. Ewww!

No is a complete sentence

If youre feeling pressured for aex. Is this the right relationship for you ?

" This needs to happen sooner or later" sounds quite forceful to me. Not a chance in hell I would go out with this creep. What if you say "no" and he says "well you turned up knowing what I expected" or something similar. The whole thing gives me the shivers. I very much doubt he will turn out to be a lovely guy.

If you fancy a quick one-off, with a condom of course as you don't know where he's been, then go for it.
But if you're expecting something more then forget it.

You can do other things without full sex… I find it actually builds up the anticipation.

In my experience no one has moved on after 3 months and a day, because if they have got that far it’s because we genuinely enjoy each other's company and the sex becomes a new exciting addition to the relationship.

If someone moves on because they don’t want to wait that’s completely fine, it means they don’t like me enough as a person/ friend so why would I sleep with them?

At least he's being transparent about not being interested in you as a person. In your position, I would message back something along the lines of:

"I've decided that it's best to cancel our meet, as I don't think we're on the same page. I think you'd be better off pursuing this with someone who also has an interest in no-strings casual arrangements. All the best."

He may protest at that point, but you should just mute (or better still, block) and move on.

Yuk.
Tell him to bog off.

What about a nice slow build up ? Dates , kissing and a gradual build up , not straight in like a bull in a China shop ?

Definitely just stop chatting to him and don’t meet up. He just wants sex. At least he’s made it obvious and you don’t have to go through with an awful first date.