I think he’s expecting sex on the first date

[CherryBlossom97]

What might not even be a proper date now I’m thinking about it. I’ve been speaking to this guy for a few weeks. I’ve known him a while but not seen him for probably about 10 years.. he has turned recent conversations quite sexual and now he’s saying things like ‘This needs to happen sooner rather than later’ and now he says he’s free any day next week if I am with wink emojis so I think he’s now got an expectation. What would you do?

Depends on what you want from this? Nothing wrong with casual sex if that's what you want.

But since you're posting here it sounds like you're not into it. So either he's misread your messages and thinks you're into it - in which case correct him and see how he responds - or he knows you're not into it and he's sending the messages anyway, in which case dump.

Ewww sounds really grim and I don’t think I’d bother with him any more

He can expect and want all he wants but if you don’t want to, don’t.

Immediate block. What a moron.

There’s nothing ‘ridiculous’ about expecting a virtual stranger to grasp that expecting sex on a first date is presumptuous and a major turn off.

@Maray1967 Does he only have a few days left on earth?

😂😂

I'd stay well clear, unless you fancy him like crazy and just want sex with him. If you do decide to meet, keep it in a public place with easy access to your own transport (ie he's not taking you home), ie a pub with your nearest bus stop outside or call a taxi home.

I would be repulsed. I have boundaries and someone who implies this or speaks in such an ick manner puts them in the bin for me.

I'm a guy, and I agree with the above interpretations. He's just after one thing.

Even if you say, I don’t want sex straight away, he will still want to chance it and probably push for it if you meet up with him.

I also don't think there's anything wrong with someone building up a flirty urgency for sex. I honestly think having loads of sex is just a different thing for some men from getting into a deeper emotional relationship. (And some women). I don't think having sex with someone brilliant and fun, because you want to, quickly, means it is on the road to becoming a more intimate and emotional relationship with expectations of partnership, etc.

But I also don't think it will prevent him developing that intimacy or seeing you as a potential girlfriend either. Unless he has massive issues.

So

a) don't have sex he might wait then become a boyfriend, but one who secretly thinks women who have sex early are dodgy and you never find this out til later
b) don't have sex he might wait and become your boyfriend because he is lovely and like you wants to take it slow and is just being flirty right now
c) do have sex, you have fun sex, he doesn't call because he secretly thinks women who have sex early are dodgy, you're well off out of it
d) do have sex, it doesn't put him off, he becomes a lovely boyfriend.

You have 100% chance of a good outcome if you do have sex and only 50% if you don't:)

I love the idea that a man needs to be a mind reader in order to know a woman he’s never dated DOESNT want to instantly jump into bed with him. There I was thinking it was just basic human social skills.

This is ridiculous and awful advice.

c) do have sex, he doesn’t call after and you feel used and rejected= not a good outcome.

Depends on their conversation and how the OP has responded or reacted to the conversation topics. It’s not clear from the OP.

But with this 3 month rule you have to endure a sexless 3 months. Hormones bubble, passion kicks in don’t see benefit in doing that. If l like someone l want to have sex with them. Sex is not something we give to men, it is shared. And what about those who:-

No. 1 Move on because they don’t think it’s going anywhere?
and/or
No. 2. Move on after 3 months and a day?

Thanks for replies. I’ve flirted a bit on the messages but nothing too sexual but he just tries to make the conversation sexual most times or he’ll just bring up that’s he wants it and that he wishes I was in his bed etc. even if we’re just texting normally tostart with

Just bin him off, he’s just looking for someone who will shag him. For free.

I'd say directly what I WANT

"I'm looking for a relationship and not quick sex, if you're not on the same page let me know"

If I wanted to see him I'd make it quite clear that you will be meeting for a coffee or maybe a drink in a wine bar or pub. But no going back to anybody's house. If you feel pressurised or threatened even before you meet him it isnt good. So trust your insticts and perhaps dont meet him at all. I'd probably meet him and keep him at arms length.

Just seen your last post. He is a sleazy creep of the first degree. Dont bother.

@Tripeandonions
“does he only have a few days left on earth?”

only if his DW catches him.

Say ‘Hang on, X. Have you not understood that a first date involves me auditioning you to see if I want to have another conversation with you? Your sexual audition is several dates/weeks/whatever down the line if you pass the first one.’

Yeah, he's just after a hook up. He probably doesn't see it as a 'date' he just wants a shag. If it's not for you, tell him you're not interested and move on.

He’s looking for FWB that will leave you feeling used and pissed off with yourself for allowing it. Just tell him you can’t meet up anymore and fade him.

Me too

Tell him sorry but your Vagina has sealed up because your mind has more respect for your body .