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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you're a parent would you think this was ridiculous if I pulled you aside after school for this?

517 replies

L4815162342 · 09/05/2024 22:34

I work in a school.

A 5/6 year old today trod on a small bug. He did this on purpose.

I'd like to say it was because he didn't know better but this was half an hour after a lesson on looking after the environment and things we could do to care for nature. Lots was mentioned about animals, etc.

I pulled the child up and spoke to him about his behaviour. He essentially received the equivalent of a bad behaviour point as a result.

If you were pulled aside after school as a parent and told about this incident would you think it was ridiculous?

I know people have different views, some would draw the line at hurting an animal the size of a cat, for example, but wouldn't bat an eyelash at killing a spider.

OP posts:
ageratum1 · 10/05/2024 02:51

Let me guess! You are a townie?

Bunnycat101 · 10/05/2024 02:56

There is clearly such a range of views on here that it is probably going to be one that doesn’t warrant a chat with a parent. That said, I think there is a massive difference between the types of ‘kill a bug’. If he was being annoyed by something, scared of it biting etc then normal behaviour and I would be surprised if it was raised. If he went out after your lesson to find bugs to kill as an act of rebellion I’d be interested.

I remember when I was st school, there was a kid that started using a magnifying glass to fry ants. Even though I use ant powder as an adult, that example still feels wrong because the child was doing it for fun, seeking out the insects to kill etc.

pambeesleyhalpert · 10/05/2024 03:00

Cocopogo · 09/05/2024 22:55

I would wonder if you were having a mental breakdown

Odd comment? It's not normal for kill bugs for fun

Firefly1987 · 10/05/2024 03:32

FuckTheClubUp · 10/05/2024 02:15

I genuinely wouldn’t care if my child did this. All I do is kill insects so it’d be very hypocritical of me to tell my child off for doing the same thing

You deliberately kill insects that are outside just minding their own business and not doing anyone any harm? Why?

RawBloomers · 10/05/2024 03:33

pambeesleyhalpert · 10/05/2024 03:00

Odd comment? It's not normal for kill bugs for fun

It’s not clear he did kill it for fun.

The OP hasn’t talked at all about the circumstances or the boy’s attitude.

RawBloomers · 10/05/2024 03:37

OP I think you should talk to the parents. Not to have them back you up and reinforce at home particularly, but so that you can find out what their attitude to bugs is and what they expect at home and let them know if school’s expectations for behaviour differ from this. Is quite possible the boy is really confused at being told off for doing something his parents do at home all the time. If none of you acknowledge that their are different standards at home and school that could make him less respectful about the rules in general.

PoopingAllTheWay · 10/05/2024 03:42

I kill wasps and fly’s all the time and occasional a spider too!

Is your worry that this child is going to end up some kind of killer???

Firefly1987 · 10/05/2024 03:52

@PoopingAllTheWay best to weed out the potential little psychopaths early and keep an eye on them. Lack of empathy is concerning, I don't ever remember not having a conscience about living things, kids especially should! It's not like they need to kill pests for health reasons etc. is it? Absolutely no need, just doing it for sick kicks and it needs nipping in the bud now.

Just as an aside, you're much more likely to get stung by a wasp if you anger it and are unlucky with your aim. Saw one just yesterday, doesn't take a second to get it to go out the window, no harm done to either of us-are you just lazy? I wouldn't want bug splatter and legs everywhere either just personally.

mathanxiety · 10/05/2024 03:52

Are you serious?

Are you a qualified teacher? A teacher who has done courses on child development and cognitive development?

mathanxiety · 10/05/2024 04:04

L4815162342 · 09/05/2024 22:56

Just to clarify, I wouldn't actually report home about this unless we noticed a regular pattern.

I was just curious what people thought about the situation. Clearly, it's a mixed bag. Some would want to know, and others think it's ridiculous.

Personally, I'd want to know as I'd like to think I'd raised my child to respect all living creatures.

Oh dear, you really are serious.

Quite honestly, I would wonder wtf was wrong with you if you either mentioned this to a child of mine or saw fit to bring it up with me.

And flagging this as a behaviour issue is a breach of your remit unless the school handbook sets out harming insects as an infraction. If you gave my child a behaviour notice for some infraction you had basically pulled out of your ass, I'm afraid I would feel compelled to take the matter further, for "clarification".

"A regular patern?"
Do you know how many insects the average parent of the children in your care has killed in the course of their life? Eaten by accident in food?

Is there no actual problem in need of addressing in your school?

mathanxiety · 10/05/2024 04:05

WittyFatball · 09/05/2024 23:21

What are the rules around living creatures? It's ok to kill a spider by putting it outside but not to stamp on it?
It's ok to kill ticks, fleas and headlice but not stand on woodlice?
Ok to put pellets down to make slugs explode?

Punish children for standing on a ladybird but then expect them to happily eat tortured and murdered chickens at lunch time... the rules really aren't clear here?

Yes to this.

And I bet any money there is no school rule about killing bugs.

mathanxiety · 10/05/2024 04:07

Theemeperorsnewclothes · 10/05/2024 00:02

Yes, you would be utterly ridiculous to pull a parent aside in a ‘judgey’ way. They are babies for goodness sake. Are you fully Early Years trained? Four to five year olds will do this kind of thing without and ‘badness’ or ‘malice’ just exploring and curiosity, surely you know that this young child is not an actual psychopath. Good god, you absolutely should not be working with this young age group. Your approach is damaging.

I agree with this.

There's a shocking lack of insight into child development in the OP's posts.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 10/05/2024 04:12

I would want to be told so I could continue to speak to child about kindness to creatures at home.

I would expect the child to be disciplined.

Firefly1987 · 10/05/2024 04:14

@mathanxiety so all kids kill bugs for fun as part of their development? Did OP just miss all the other kids squashing bugs for fun that day?

Topseyt123 · 10/05/2024 04:16

I wouldn't give a shit about this and would tell you that I wasn't big on spider welfare.

Flowerpotpearl · 10/05/2024 04:37

Yeah, I'd think it was ridiculous, sorry OP. Who hasn't ever killed a spider or fly? Could be learned behaviour from parent? I understand where you're coming from though, but would let this one go.

Snerl · 10/05/2024 04:49

If a teacher pulled me aside to tell me my child had stood on a bug on a single occasion, on a background of generalltly being a kind and empathetic child, I would think they had too much time on their hands were actively looking for reasons to tell him off. DS sees us kill spiders and ants in the house, and slugs in the garden.
Do PP seriously stop and move every bug off the pavement when they're walking around outside? I'm usually looking at the trees/ at DS/ where I'm going, not staring at the ground in case I step on an ant!

FlameTulip · 10/05/2024 04:49

I take out spiders, but I have no hesitation in killing an ant or fly or woodlouse inside my house and would think it was a bit ridiculous if my child got in trouble for doing the same.

WonderingAboutThus · 10/05/2024 04:51

I would think it was ridiculous to pull up the parent over this. Say something to the child, sure.

Guavafish1 · 10/05/2024 04:56

Not say anything to parent if one off incident
Discipline child

ABwithAnItch · 10/05/2024 05:06

Depends on the bug. Sorry OP but wouldn’t care at all if mine trod on an ant or a tick. Or killed a fly. Spider would be a bit disappointing.

MrsFarmerTom · 10/05/2024 05:18

PPs calling for the child to be "disciplined", which is really just a euphemism for "punished", that seems far more unkind and power-trippy than the act of stepping on a bug!

Happyhappyday · 10/05/2024 05:19

I squish bugs all the time… the mosquitos in our bathroom… the ants in the kitchen. When did that become cruel? A kid gleefully ripping apart a caterpillar is a different thing in my mind. What do the big loving people do when you get an ant infestation? Or if you found a wasp nest in the roof?

1AngelicFruitCake · 10/05/2024 05:23

PragmaticWench · 09/05/2024 22:38

I would think the teacher didn't understand the emotional capabilities/limitations of a child that age. I'd nod, say 'oh dear' and carry on slowly explaining life and responsibilities as the child aged.

A 5/6 year old?! I’d be mortified I my child had done that at that age. They know exactly what they’re doing at that age. Why do people expect so little from their children?

Moonlitwalk · 10/05/2024 05:23

mathanxiety · 10/05/2024 04:07

I agree with this.

There's a shocking lack of insight into child development in the OP's posts.

I also agree and have worked in psychiatry most of my life