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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you're a parent would you think this was ridiculous if I pulled you aside after school for this?

517 replies

L4815162342 · 09/05/2024 22:34

I work in a school.

A 5/6 year old today trod on a small bug. He did this on purpose.

I'd like to say it was because he didn't know better but this was half an hour after a lesson on looking after the environment and things we could do to care for nature. Lots was mentioned about animals, etc.

I pulled the child up and spoke to him about his behaviour. He essentially received the equivalent of a bad behaviour point as a result.

If you were pulled aside after school as a parent and told about this incident would you think it was ridiculous?

I know people have different views, some would draw the line at hurting an animal the size of a cat, for example, but wouldn't bat an eyelash at killing a spider.

OP posts:
Louise295 · 09/05/2024 22:54

Yes I would think it was ridiculous.

SD1978 · 09/05/2024 22:54

I'd probably nod and think the demerit was slightly ridiculous. Given most adult happily kill small bugs for whatever reason, I would at the time if I had a child that did this tell them not to, but I wouldn't see it as a 'tellable' event. It's an at the time don't squash bugs conversation and I wouldn't be expected to need to be told about it as it happened and was dealt with. I would not assume my child was a wanna be sociopath who I needed warned about. Plenty of kids and people squash bugs. I'm not a big squashier, but I am liberal with the fly spray which takes longer and is probably crueler.........

CommentNow · 09/05/2024 22:55

Of course you tell them about it!

Even before Reception we would move the bugs off busy paths.

If noone tells them how will they know?

The child is old enough to learn how to read, write, eat, toilet, walk and talk. They can be told right from wrong.

cadburyegg · 09/05/2024 22:55

I wouldn't expect to be told about this tbh. I expect and trust the school staff to discipline appropriately. If there is a serious or ongoing problem I'd expect to be told but not something like this.

PrimalLass · 09/05/2024 22:55

I would like to know so I could speak to him about it being wrong.

Cocopogo · 09/05/2024 22:55

I would wonder if you were having a mental breakdown

Original poster
L4815162342 · 09/05/2024 22:56

Just to clarify, I wouldn't actually report home about this unless we noticed a regular pattern.

I was just curious what people thought about the situation. Clearly, it's a mixed bag. Some would want to know, and others think it's ridiculous.

Personally, I'd want to know as I'd like to think I'd raised my child to respect all living creatures.

OP posts:
potatowine · 09/05/2024 23:01

PragmaticWench · 09/05/2024 22:38

I would think the teacher didn't understand the emotional capabilities/limitations of a child that age. I'd nod, say 'oh dear' and carry on slowly explaining life and responsibilities as the child aged.

Nonsense !
A child that age should know about kindness and respect to living creatures.

I’d mention to the parents and see it as an education for them too. The child likely picked this up from them.

LittleCharlotte · 09/05/2024 23:03

I'd be disappointed if this were my kid and I would want to be told.

Universalsnail · 09/05/2024 23:04

I would think you were completely insane for telling me. Kid was in the wrong. But was also 5. This was a whatever adult was there telling him off situation not a tell mum situation

fieldsofbutterflies · 09/05/2024 23:04

Honestly, I'd think you were a tad bonkers.

Agii · 09/05/2024 23:04

I'd inform the parents. It all starts at home, and I do hope more adults come to senses that killing "just because" isn't on. If the bug or insect isn't hurting you, leave it alone.
I hate when people don't even think about squashing bugs. I have always taught my son to be gentle with every little bug we see, it all starts from me.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 09/05/2024 23:05

I would want to know. Empathy is important- it might be something that forms over time in line with development, but I have reinforced this with my kids. For example I didn't allow my kids to chase pigeons either, and have taught them how to interact with pets respectfully and how to read signals from them.

NuffSaidSam · 09/05/2024 23:06

If the teacher called me in to tell me "James stepped on an ant at playtime", I'd think you were insane.

If he was deliberately looking for bugs/snails etc and routinely killing them then I'd want to know.

I think unless the school is vegan you're on dodgy ground preaching about protecting animals/not stepping on ants and then serving up burgers in the canteen.

Pin0cchio · 09/05/2024 23:09

My DCs best friend had headlice so they are very ok with bugs being killed.

Not to mention our cat brings in things he kills all the time.

How would you approach it if you had a child from a farming background used to animals being sent to the abattoir?

Its a 5/6 year old squashing a bug. I love how on mumsnet this totally normal young child behaviour warrants a teacher talking to parent but a classroom incident where a young child violently breaks a window doesnt.

🙄

JeepSleeHack · 09/05/2024 23:10

cadburyegg · 09/05/2024 22:55

I wouldn't expect to be told about this tbh. I expect and trust the school staff to discipline appropriately. If there is a serious or ongoing problem I'd expect to be told but not something like this.

This is exactly right. Should be dealt with in school, but no reason to mention to home unless it happens again or becomes part of a bigger picture.

Of course it’s wrong to stamp on a big deliberately. That’s not the issue, the issue is whether it then merits a separate conversation after school once consequence has already been handed out.

ilovelamp82 · 09/05/2024 23:11

I would want the teacher to take the moment to explain to my child that it's wrong. So long as it wasn't a repeated behaviour, I don't think I would need to be told. If it was repeated, I would want to be told.

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/05/2024 23:12

JeepSleeHack · 09/05/2024 23:10

This is exactly right. Should be dealt with in school, but no reason to mention to home unless it happens again or becomes part of a bigger picture.

Of course it’s wrong to stamp on a big deliberately. That’s not the issue, the issue is whether it then merits a separate conversation after school once consequence has already been handed out.

Edited
Show quote history

Is it wrong? If I see a spider I would definitely stamp on it deliberately. And if I see a slug I would get DH to kill it! We kill ants and bugs walking along all day long I see on purpose it’s a bit different but I would have 0 qualms getting rid of a few of them eg wasps and I can’t see how it’s a huge issue.

JeepSleeHack · 09/05/2024 23:13

And also obvs if teacher does decide to chat to parent, I would hope it would happen discreetly. Nothing worse than teachers who publicly ask to chat with parent in front of others at pick up time, when it’s evident that the reason for chat isn’t a good one.

StarDolphins · 09/05/2024 23:14

I’d want to be told so I could reiterate the rules round living creatures. My DD is shown & taught by me that we don’t kill anything at all. If she’s scared of a spider/bug then I will put it outside.

I also tell kids off at the park for chasing/chucking stuff at the ducks!

StarDolphins · 09/05/2024 23:15

Giraffesandbottoms · 09/05/2024 23:12

Is it wrong? If I see a spider I would definitely stamp on it deliberately. And if I see a slug I would get DH to kill it! We kill ants and bugs walking along all day long I see on purpose it’s a bit different but I would have 0 qualms getting rid of a few of them eg wasps and I can’t see how it’s a huge issue.

Show quote history

Grim

JeepSleeHack · 09/05/2024 23:15

potatowine · 09/05/2024 23:01

Nonsense !
A child that age should know about kindness and respect to living creatures.

I’d mention to the parents and see it as an education for them too. The child likely picked this up from them.

Show quote history

Do teachers need to mention every act of unkindness or lack of empathy at the end of each day?

TunnocksOrDeath · 09/05/2024 23:16

We teach our DC that things shouldn't be harmed for no reason. Killing flies in the kitchen if the little buggers refuse to be shooed out of the window - yes, because they spread germs. Deliberately stamping on something that's not doing any harm for the "fun' of hurting something small that won't fight back? Definitely No, and I would prefer to be told, so I could discuss with DC appropriately.

JeepSleeHack · 09/05/2024 23:17

L4815162342 · 09/05/2024 22:56

Just to clarify, I wouldn't actually report home about this unless we noticed a regular pattern.

I was just curious what people thought about the situation. Clearly, it's a mixed bag. Some would want to know, and others think it's ridiculous.

Personally, I'd want to know as I'd like to think I'd raised my child to respect all living creatures.

You can raise a child to respect all living creatures but them still have a thoughtless slip up aged 5/6. Teacher then corrects and reinforces this message.

TheAceWoman · 09/05/2024 23:17

I wouldn't be impressed if a teacher pulled me aside to tell me this.