to feel fed up? Life is just too busy

[Stressymadre]

Probably a bit silly really but want to ask and see if anyone can see how I can perhaps balance my life out?
I'm a single parent of two (8 and 12), they see dad eow and 1 night a week, some time in holidays. I work full time, pressurised role, 40 hours a week but mostly from home (couple trips a month). Also have a dog.
I used to be really fit and I need exercise for stress/MH reasons but at the moment, i just can barely fit any exercise in at all and just feel constantly on the go and I'm just exhausted and I'm getting fat and feel disgusting.
So I wake at 6.15, work from 7-8, do school run, work from 08:45-17:30, with lunch break used to do schools runs. I also have to fit in taking kids to after school classes hence the early start. Finish work, do club pick ups, cook dinner, help with homework, tv with eldest and go to bed when he does at 09:30. Rinse and repeat. Oh and I have to fit the dog walk in too.
On the days kids are with Dad, I go to gym or for a run by that's hardly very often. I'd like to maybe do a 30 min DVD workout or run in the morning but that means getting up at 5...
So, any suggestions? Have a cleaner once a fortnight but can't afford any other help. I earn well but current mortgage rates mean half my take home pay goes on that alone.
I'm so tired 😫

You’re doing closer to 50 hours a week than 40. What would happen if you did less or said you can’t take on all
the work at once?

Your week sounds pretty similar to mine OP. I do have a DH but he works in an office and is out the house from 7am to about 8pm so no help whatsoever during the week. He does his fair share at the weekends obviously so we can tag team gym etc then but I suppose if you ex has DC EOW that part isn't much different.
Tbh the only way I manage to exercise in the week is if I set my alarm for 5.30, have a coffee and then do a class online. It's crap. Sorry I realise that's not very helpful really. Like you I feel like I'm constantly running around

Why do you work 7-8? Stop doing that. Use the time to exercise.

To make up the hours so that she can drive her DC to clubs in what would have otherwise been working time. I do the same

Why are you working from 7-8 every morning?

Could younger child go to after school club at school?

Or ditch the after school classes?

Or, sign kids up for something on weekends if their Dad is willing to take them on "his" weekend?

Or, extend mortgage term so monthly payments are lower (although, ultimately, this will cost you more) and use the extra £ to buy in help eg nanny housekeeper to collect kids from school, take them to clubs, supervise homework, cook evening meal?

Or, batch cook when kids are with their Dad, so you don't need to cook dinner midweek?

I find that, overall, I'm calmer and happier when my house is tidy. Ruthless decluttering is helpful

I think your life sounds out of balance, if you cut back the kids' activities a bit then potentially everyone would have a more relaxed life as you would see more of them both in the morning and the evenings, and you would have time to exercise.

What are their activities?

Overprogramming is a big cause of stress for both kids and adults.

First thing: get rid of the dog. I know it is tough and that your children will not understand. But it is obvious you are approaching breaking point so you need to make some changes asap. The time you used to spend walking the dog you can know do exercise.

Secondly, exercise is important to keep fit but not the most important factor. Make sure you eat healthy. Pay attention to the portions size! It is ok to have some unhealthy food like french fries occasionally but make sure it is a small quantity. You get the gist.

Does your 8yo have clubs every night? I agree with pp, can you put them in after school instead on maybe 4 of the evenings and cut down to one weekday club? Then you wouldn't need to work 7-8am.

Also, I read once that it's not that you don't have time for things, it's that you're prioritising something else. Could you do eg. yoga at 9pm every evening instead of extra TV?

I also have to fit in taking kids to after school classes

Why?

It’s the after school classes that are the problem because they’re displacing too much working time and pushing your working hours into a longer and longer period.

Agree with other posters - drop some of the after school classes. Also can't your DC (12) walk the dog once or twice a week after school?

Fucks sake.

No, you would drop the exercise, tv and after school clubs before you would even entertain the idea. And most people would not get that far as a dog is a member of the family and a 15 year+ commitment and not something to dispose of if they become inconvenient.

Can you not do an hour when they’re at dads in the week and then both days over weekend? I squeeze in twice a week to a busy life and it makes all the difference.

Also the time you walk the dog is exercise; fast walking to make it feel more like that?

Walking the dog IS exercise

I was just about to say this!

Why would she get rid of the dog in order to do more exercise when walking the dog is excellent exercise - as well as being great for clearing your head and boosting your mental health?

Whilst it sounds really busy as you describe it, 40 hours work and looking after a family are things that most people manage to do with relative ease. There's nothing that you do that jumps out at me as being particularly unusual, so it's hard to see why you are so pressed for time.

Taking it down to basics, there are 24 hours in a day. You need 8 of them for working and 8 of them for sleeping.
That then leaves 8 hours for school runs, dog walk, taking children to activities,homework help, cooking dinner and a bit of housework. That doesn't seem hard to fit in?

Are you organising your time well or are you wasting chunks of time? For example you could walk the dog on the school run (and jog back for exercise) or do some exercise while your child is at their after school activity or help with homework whilst dinner is the oven etc. I suspect you get little bitty bits of time left that get wasted and not used rather than useful chunks, and it's just a planning issue.

No, it isn't. You can't compare the amount of calories you are burning on a slow walk having to stop every few meters because the dog wants to sniff god knows what plus pick up the shit and so on with the energy required to do a running session.

And there is all the other annoyances of having to take it to the vet and buying its food and so on. OP is clearly buckling under pressure so radical change is required.

You know you can run with the dog?

Getting rid of a beloved family pet isn't going to make anyone feel better.

It depends how slow you walk, obviously.

But also, a dog is for life, not just for Christmas.

Like fuck would anyone get rid of the family pet in preference to giving up some TV time or an afterschool club! Can't believe anyone is so devoid of emotion to even suggest it!

Says the person telling OP to get rid of their beloved dog

I get that. Maybe the dog was purchased when the OP and ex were still together ? Situation has changed now.

To be honest, I think many women in this situation, which is much more frequent that you would expect, do consider getting rid of the dog and if they do not do it it is because how big a blow that is for the children.