to feel fed up? Life is just too busy

[Stressymadre]

Probably a bit silly really but want to ask and see if anyone can see how I can perhaps balance my life out?
I'm a single parent of two (8 and 12), they see dad eow and 1 night a week, some time in holidays. I work full time, pressurised role, 40 hours a week but mostly from home (couple trips a month). Also have a dog.
I used to be really fit and I need exercise for stress/MH reasons but at the moment, i just can barely fit any exercise in at all and just feel constantly on the go and I'm just exhausted and I'm getting fat and feel disgusting.
So I wake at 6.15, work from 7-8, do school run, work from 08:45-17:30, with lunch break used to do schools runs. I also have to fit in taking kids to after school classes hence the early start. Finish work, do club pick ups, cook dinner, help with homework, tv with eldest and go to bed when he does at 09:30. Rinse and repeat. Oh and I have to fit the dog walk in too.
On the days kids are with Dad, I go to gym or for a run by that's hardly very often. I'd like to maybe do a 30 min DVD workout or run in the morning but that means getting up at 5...
So, any suggestions? Have a cleaner once a fortnight but can't afford any other help. I earn well but current mortgage rates mean half my take home pay goes on that alone.
I'm so tired 😫

It might not to an option for everyone - from this thread alone it clearly isn't - but if I were under too much pressure I would also let the pets go. They take up so much time, money, energy and thought that if something needs to give, that's an obvious one.

I think animals are not on par with people and I think when you adopt them you make an effort commitment, not a results commitment. You give them a good life while they are with you, and if it doesn't work anymore, you find a good solution. (Yes, a good one.)

Incredible to me you should be allowed to walk away from your partner but not your dog.

@WonderingAboutThus

Incredible to me you should be allowed to walk away from your partner but not your dog.

You do understand, right, that relationships don’t break up only because people “walk away”?

Your post has a spiteful and judgmental undertone to it; you seem to be suggesting some moral shortcomings in the OP because she doesn’t have a partner. And the use of the word “allowed”. As if she should have toughed it out through thick and thin just to have a partner.

None of us know why the OP parted ways with her children’s dad but I think we can be fairly confident she didn’t just “walk away”.

And you can’t compare ending a marriage or long term relationship with rehoming a pet.

Oh my god! I wasn't refering to the OP being single. At all. I was saying we understand in relations that we try, but sometimes life changes and partners no longer work for each other.

And I think pets sometimes no longer work either as life changes in unpredictable ways.

The point was sometimes you can't hold on to everything you once hoped to maintain, and that's sometimes fine. Also for pets. Because we also understand this about relationships!

Sorry OP, if it came across as a message on your partnership. It was very much meant the other way around, and a point about dog ownership, not relationships.

"you" in the sense of "one", not in the sense of insane to me that one IS allowed to walk away from relationships (which one is), but apparently not from pets (which I believe you also should be).

"you" in the sense of "one", not in the sense of OP.

It is insane to me that one IS allowed to walk away from relationships (which one is), but apparently not from pets (which I believe onr also should be of life circumstances change)..

This seems to be heading into focussing on the dog! I've had the dog 7 years nearly, he's loved by everyone and he won't be leaving. My kids have gone through enough the past 4 years. No, I didn't walk out on my husband. I kicked him out after affair number 3. He then made my life absolute hell for two years. Refused to pay maintenance, "starved us out of the home" (his words) and moved his new pregnant girlfriend in (new as in, together 4 months). So my kids have had their parents split, moved house, met dad's new GF, had a new baby sibling, seen their dad and GF fight something chronic and have her move in and out. So, I will do anything for consistency here for them and that includes me being there for them as much as I can and keeping their beloved dog (who for what it's worth keeps me company too!)

I totally agree.
Frankly, I'm astonished that someone would even suggest this as offering a solution!!
A dog is part of the family and walking it is brilliant exercise.
Ask if the ex could help more, is there any family who live nearby who could help occasionally/the children could do less after school activities, (it won't impact them or scar them for life) or team up with another parent to take turns in picking them up to allow more time for either exercise/catching up with housework/dog walking etc
Why should the poor dog suffer, some people don't realise how emotionally attached they are to their owners, it won't be around forever. Vet/upkeep bills are a fact of life for any animal owners, you just have to accept them.
Plus, it won't always be like this, children grow up faster than you think.
Could the OP look towards changing her job to something less challenging?

Sorry, just seen this, what an absolute shit your ex is. I didn't know the split was acrimonious so scrub my suggestion to ask him for help.
You are well rid and doing a great job and sound like an amazing Mum.
I agree, a dog is great company and won't let you down and your children don't need more changes in their lives right now.
I can't offer a solution but I hope things improve for you.

Yanbu. Either your MH or health will break if you do this for too long. It's not you, it is too much.

Not read the whole thread but dropping a handful of hours to create a half day or one of the kids activities might help.
I'm a lone parent but was lucky enough to work part time so I have always had time to exercise.

Not all the time, it depends on the level of walking and the dog. My dog stops and sniffs a lot even when I try and keep him moving a bit, the walk can be very broken or slows down a lot. At the end of walk, I'm never even slightly puffed out as the opportunity to power walk effectively is impossible due to him doing dog things!
Plus I like running etc, pushing it quite hard, A - impossible with a dog like mine for the above reasons, B- due to my fitness level and what I need to do to feel the benefit from exercise, even a brisk walk barely gets my heart rate up.

Dog walking can be an exercise for some and be a great physical benefit to some- but it doesn't get close to cutting it for some due to different fitness levels and what you need from exercise., for example, exercise for me burns off anxiety, and gives me time for myself which means I wouldn't get the benefit from it being interrupted by picking up dog poo, constantly checking where the dog is, pulling on the lead etc. This would hardly give me the solitude I need to do some strenuous exercise to get the benefit from it. So I definitely get why OP cant count this as exercise.

OP you are doing an amazing job.

I know you said that you couldn’t afford to drop a day, but have you thought about dropping a couple of hours in your contract? Maybe two shorter days might give you an hour to run twice a week for example.

I’m not you don’t say what you earn but sometimes after tax the hit is not as much as you would imagine.

I’m in a similar position, OP, except I commute to work too and have a second freelance from home job as my mortgage has gone up so much in recent years. I don’t have a dog though so there’s something 😂

My two DC often need to be in different places for their activities which they are very committed to so I juggle that with lift shares with other parents. It is relentless and I feel like I have no joy in my life.

I can’t afford to buy help in, I’m low contact with my parents and I’m an only child so no extended family who can help.

Friends suggest the DC drop activities but both do them at county level so it’s very hard to make the decision to do that.

My better weeks are when I’m very organised and plan ahead for ‘future me’ ie have taken a home cooked meal out of the freezer to help the after school rush and when I get the DC to chip in with chores more effectively than usual. So I guess my one tip is to get the DC pitching in and make that non negotiable. Solidarity.

My other tip is to buy in occasional help, eg I paid to have my oven cleaned for the first time recently when I normally do it. Not a cost I can afford regularly but as a one off if saves me the horrible job. Same for window cleaning.

To be fair, dog walking isn't exercise. Unless maybe you have a husky or collie and are doing miles every day. You can't run with lots of dogs and they don't half dawdle.

I see in your update that you’ve explained your 12 year old gets himself to and from school, but could you use breakfast club and afterschool club for your 8 year old? That would mean you don’t have to start work, take a break, start again, stop again, start again… I know that on the days I have to work like that I never feel as productive.

It would also give you the chance to have a lunch break where you could exercise/ walk the dog/ do some laundry/ prepare dinner. A bit of breathing space for you.

We've recently started Apple fitness which has been really good for exercise in short bursts. When WFH DH will do a couple of 10 min workouts during his lunch break and I squeeze in a. 30 min when DD gets home from school before or after cooking dinner. Because there are loads.of different types of exercise and lengths/abilities it is quite easy to tailor to what we want/need
It isn't the same as getting out for a run in the fresh air but it's not bad.

Also if the DC have bikes could you run while they ride? I've done it a couple of times and had to stop a lot for DD to rest but it's really hilly round here 😆 or if you have a big park can they go to the playground while you run?

I strongly agree with this re the after school classes. I'm constantly seeing parents exhaust themselves with multiple after school classes each week. It's not necessary. Drop the classes or do a couple at the weekend instead. With the nice weather the kids can go outside and play or you can all walk to park. Also, just having a more relaxing evening is an option!
If you really want to persist with the after school classes you could use that time to exercise? My friends drops her daughter at netball club then goes for a run in the area around the netball club. It works perfectly. You don't have to sit and watch the kids at their clubs.

I work when they are at their clubs so no time to save there, just takes time to get them there.
Some really good ideas though, so a big thank you. I spoke to another school mum today who's agreed to do pick up once a week for me so that helps massively 😊

I just think you can’t exercise as much as you used to/in the way you want when you have small dc. I wouldn’t put my dc in wraparound care or get rid of the dog to facilitate exercise. I walk as much as I can & do some stuff at home.

I could have written this. My DD sees her dad EOW and I do very similar hours (as in working before the school run) to make it fit. Luckily it's flexible and from home.
The way I fit in exercise is by a family member picking my DD up from school twice a week so I work longer on those days, meaning I have a bit of time to flex to exercise during the working day.
It was only recently I could do this though- until a year ago I had no family help and the school stopped after school club so I just never got chance to exercise and I was too exhausted in the evening.
Its so hard being a single parent 😒

Sorry, I meant it should say Now!

Cocopogo
That’s true but op has to do most of the parenting on her own at the same time, and we found it hard with two of us, it’s still the ridiculous juggle where you have to collect/ they’ve left something at home:/ they’re sick etc.

9.30 is early for bed. Even with that you have 4 hours from 5.30 to 9.30. Which is quite a lot for pick-ups (I'd look at dropping some), dinner, tv. How much homework help do they really need? I don't remember spending any significant amount of time on homework help on a regular basis. Having said that, I can see it is probably a slightly chaotic time when it might be hard to disappear off and exercise. So personally I'd probably do the 30 mins exercise in the middle of the day and then work an extra hour in the evening roughly every other day after younger one has gone to bed. Say 8/9 to 9/10. Skip the tv watching. But then I'm very used to working in the evening when I need to. You are lucky to work from home and not have a commute which allows you to take time out in the day and make it up later.