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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel fed up? Life is just too busy

98 replies

Stressymadre · 09/05/2024 17:47

Probably a bit silly really but want to ask and see if anyone can see how I can perhaps balance my life out?
I'm a single parent of two (8 and 12), they see dad eow and 1 night a week, some time in holidays. I work full time, pressurised role, 40 hours a week but mostly from home (couple trips a month). Also have a dog.
I used to be really fit and I need exercise for stress/MH reasons but at the moment, i just can barely fit any exercise in at all and just feel constantly on the go and I'm just exhausted and I'm getting fat and feel disgusting.
So I wake at 6.15, work from 7-8, do school run, work from 08:45-17:30, with lunch break used to do schools runs. I also have to fit in taking kids to after school classes hence the early start. Finish work, do club pick ups, cook dinner, help with homework, tv with eldest and go to bed when he does at 09:30. Rinse and repeat. Oh and I have to fit the dog walk in too.
On the days kids are with Dad, I go to gym or for a run by that's hardly very often. I'd like to maybe do a 30 min DVD workout or run in the morning but that means getting up at 5...
So, any suggestions? Have a cleaner once a fortnight but can't afford any other help. I earn well but current mortgage rates mean half my take home pay goes on that alone.
I'm so tired 😫

OP posts:
Silvesterthecat · 09/05/2024 18:50

Don’t get rid of the dog!!!

As if you’d need telling :) A dog is massively important for MH and exercise and part of the family!!!! I can’t believe anyone would be so heartless to suggest saying bye bye!!!

mrsm43s · 09/05/2024 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No of course I'm neither as I'm sure you're aware.

40hrs work a week is standard (in fact from home with no travel time makes it fairly low amount of hours for full time work) and doing school runs, cooking dinner, walking the dog and helping with homework etc is all pretty standard stuff that all working mums do!

There is nothing exceptional about OPs life that means she should be vastly more stretched than most (albeit that in general the working mum is a busier life stage than others) This is just a priority and time organisation issue.

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 18:58

SherrieElmer · 09/05/2024 18:19

First thing: get rid of the dog. I know it is tough and that your children will not understand. But it is obvious you are approaching breaking point so you need to make some changes asap. The time you used to spend walking the dog you can know do exercise.

Secondly, exercise is important to keep fit but not the most important factor. Make sure you eat healthy. Pay attention to the portions size! It is ok to have some unhealthy food like french fries occasionally but make sure it is a small quantity. You get the gist.

Oh go away!!

Most stupid suggestion ever!

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:07

SherrieElmer · 09/05/2024 18:19

First thing: get rid of the dog. I know it is tough and that your children will not understand. But it is obvious you are approaching breaking point so you need to make some changes asap. The time you used to spend walking the dog you can know do exercise.

Secondly, exercise is important to keep fit but not the most important factor. Make sure you eat healthy. Pay attention to the portions size! It is ok to have some unhealthy food like french fries occasionally but make sure it is a small quantity. You get the gist.

And is now not know.....

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:08

Silvesterthecat · 09/05/2024 18:50

Don’t get rid of the dog!!!

As if you’d need telling :) A dog is massively important for MH and exercise and part of the family!!!! I can’t believe anyone would be so heartless to suggest saying bye bye!!!

I wouldn't worry OP sounds like a decent person so I'm sure she won't do that.

Shame not all the posters are decent!

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:10

@SherrieElmer you reckon OP finds it annoying to buy food and take her pet to the vet?

Just how stupid are you?

Fucking sanctimony of this.

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:11

@SherrieElmer and dogs don't shit every two minutes!

FFS 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Stressymadre · 09/05/2024 19:15

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I shall take most on board, except for the dog! Sorry, he's part of the family and had him before husband and I split, and he brings so much joy to me and the kids and keeps us active. I may consider a dog walker twice a week though as I imagine that's cheaper than child care. I do sometimes run with him but he's a pain on his lead and I'd have to drive 10/15 mins away to find somewhere he can go off his lead so that limits things.
The kids do after school things twice a week so I do see that I must be getting something wrong somewhere. I have had a good few weeks of many extras to fit in: doctors, dentists, meetings with teachers, celebration assemblies, ex husband going away for a few weeks so I suppose it's all gotten on top of me really. Ex does no school stuff with the kids either so when they're home we have a lot to cram in.
I shall definitely look to do batch cooking and will try exercising first thing in the morning and maybe catching up on work later. It's too easy to skip the exercise isn't it, whereas I know I will always do the work!! It's takes dedication and I suppose where I feel run down, it's even harder to motivate myself!

OP posts:
bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:20

Stressymadre · 09/05/2024 19:15

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I shall take most on board, except for the dog! Sorry, he's part of the family and had him before husband and I split, and he brings so much joy to me and the kids and keeps us active. I may consider a dog walker twice a week though as I imagine that's cheaper than child care. I do sometimes run with him but he's a pain on his lead and I'd have to drive 10/15 mins away to find somewhere he can go off his lead so that limits things.
The kids do after school things twice a week so I do see that I must be getting something wrong somewhere. I have had a good few weeks of many extras to fit in: doctors, dentists, meetings with teachers, celebration assemblies, ex husband going away for a few weeks so I suppose it's all gotten on top of me really. Ex does no school stuff with the kids either so when they're home we have a lot to cram in.
I shall definitely look to do batch cooking and will try exercising first thing in the morning and maybe catching up on work later. It's too easy to skip the exercise isn't it, whereas I know I will always do the work!! It's takes dedication and I suppose where I feel run down, it's even harder to motivate myself!

Don't forget that @SherrieElmer has sanctioned that you are allowed to have e a small portion of French fries!

She seems a self appointed authority on dogs and diets, so I'm sure her handy sanctimonious crap tips will help a lot.

Leafstamp · 09/05/2024 19:22

mrsm43s · 09/05/2024 18:39

Whilst it sounds really busy as you describe it, 40 hours work and looking after a family are things that most people manage to do with relative ease. There's nothing that you do that jumps out at me as being particularly unusual, so it's hard to see why you are so pressed for time.

Taking it down to basics, there are 24 hours in a day. You need 8 of them for working and 8 of them for sleeping.
That then leaves 8 hours for school runs, dog walk, taking children to activities,homework help, cooking dinner and a bit of housework. That doesn't seem hard to fit in?

Are you organising your time well or are you wasting chunks of time? For example you could walk the dog on the school run (and jog back for exercise) or do some exercise while your child is at their after school activity or help with homework whilst dinner is the oven etc. I suspect you get little bitty bits of time left that get wasted and not used rather than useful chunks, and it's just a planning issue.

I disagree that most single parents working 40hours a week do so ‘with relative ease’.

Most people working and raising children either have a partner to help or are working part time (or have a partner working part time). Or have a cleaner. Or family help. Or other paid child care.

Also, a 40hr per week contract is more than most full time contracts IMO.

Spratt · 09/05/2024 19:22

I am a single parent and found it impossible to do everything with full time work and 3 children. I dropped a day at work and life is much better. You have to decide what is most important because it will obviously mean less money! My kids are now teenagers but I have no plans going back to 40 hours a week, I’d rather be more frugal and have the time to do everything AND have a bit of time doing nothing too!

LindorDoubleChoc · 09/05/2024 19:22

Are you doing the school runs by car OP? If not the oldest should be able to get themselves to school and you could enquire about childminders who do a walking school run locally. I don't think you should be working 7am to 8am every day. It looks like you need a bit of wrap around care for the youngest and fewer after school activities for both dc, or lift sharing with other parents to give you a break sometimes.

Also, if you get up at 6.15 (early but not horrendously early) 10.15 or even 10.45 would be an adequate bed time to give enough sleep. 7 to 7 and a half hours sleep is good.

You ARE going to be busy with a 40 hour week, single parent, 2 children and a dog. No doubt about it.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2024 19:29

So @SherrieElmer’s approach to this is to recommend you a) get rid of a beloved family pet which presumably will really upset the children, b) give up exercise which is known to massively support mental health and c) develop disordered eating instead. Oh and you are supposed to build yourself up by telling yourself you have it easier than most.

I have seen some daft advice doled out on these threads on my years on here but this is World Series how not to sort your life out. Congratulations @SherrieElmer for possibly the silliest post ever.

Josette77 · 09/05/2024 19:30

mrsm43s · 09/05/2024 18:39

Whilst it sounds really busy as you describe it, 40 hours work and looking after a family are things that most people manage to do with relative ease. There's nothing that you do that jumps out at me as being particularly unusual, so it's hard to see why you are so pressed for time.

Taking it down to basics, there are 24 hours in a day. You need 8 of them for working and 8 of them for sleeping.
That then leaves 8 hours for school runs, dog walk, taking children to activities,homework help, cooking dinner and a bit of housework. That doesn't seem hard to fit in?

Are you organising your time well or are you wasting chunks of time? For example you could walk the dog on the school run (and jog back for exercise) or do some exercise while your child is at their after school activity or help with homework whilst dinner is the oven etc. I suspect you get little bitty bits of time left that get wasted and not used rather than useful chunks, and it's just a planning issue.

Are you a single mom?
Everything OP does as a single parent is a lot and overwhelming.
It's hard when everything is down to you.

Josette77 · 09/05/2024 19:33

Itsrainingten · 09/05/2024 18:00

Your week sounds pretty similar to mine OP. I do have a DH but he works in an office and is out the house from 7am to about 8pm so no help whatsoever during the week. He does his fair share at the weekends obviously so we can tag team gym etc then but I suppose if you ex has DC EOW that part isn't much different.
Tbh the only way I manage to exercise in the week is if I set my alarm for 5.30, have a coffee and then do a class online. It's crap. Sorry I realise that's not very helpful really. Like you I feel like I'm constantly running around

I know you meant this kindly but I don't think having a DH is similar to your ex having your kids eow. It's so different being a single parent.

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:33

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2024 19:29

So @SherrieElmer’s approach to this is to recommend you a) get rid of a beloved family pet which presumably will really upset the children, b) give up exercise which is known to massively support mental health and c) develop disordered eating instead. Oh and you are supposed to build yourself up by telling yourself you have it easier than most.

I have seen some daft advice doled out on these threads on my years on here but this is World Series how not to sort your life out. Congratulations @SherrieElmer for possibly the silliest post ever.

By coincidence @SherrieElmer is a dog hater, looking at her other posts.

What a shocking coincidence that she's advising OP to get rid, amazed she didn't say exterminate it like she's advised about dogs in another post.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2024 19:38

@bloodyplumbing

Breathtaking.

Even if you hate dogs surely you understand how traumatic it would be for the family to give a family pet away.

And the comment about stopping exercise and learning “calorie control” . Awful.

Maray1967 · 09/05/2024 19:39

SlothsNeverGetIll · 09/05/2024 18:27

Fucks sake.

No, you would drop the exercise, tv and after school clubs before you would even entertain the idea. And most people would not get that far as a dog is a member of the family and a 15 year+ commitment and not something to dispose of if they become inconvenient.

Show quote history

It’s a pity that we can’t travel back in time as I know several families for whom having a dog is their biggest regret.

If you won’t get rid of it, then at least make your older DC start doing more to help.

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:40

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2024 19:38

@bloodyplumbing

Breathtaking.

Even if you hate dogs surely you understand how traumatic it would be for the family to give a family pet away.

And the comment about stopping exercise and learning “calorie control” . Awful.

Tbh some people are just heartless, normally the ones that hate dogs I find.

Maray1967 · 09/05/2024 19:44

I don’t hate them - but I would never have got one in the first place because they are a big commitment. In the families I know where this is an issue, in every one of them, it’s the woman who the burden has fallen on. DHs, older DC, all want the dog - but the care and walking is being done by the woman.

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:46

@Maray1967 you know some very strange people!

I have never met anyone that regretted having their dog, yet you know lots🤷‍♀️

Anyway, OP has confirmed that she is not getting rid of the dog.

bloodyplumbing · 09/05/2024 19:47

Maray1967 · 09/05/2024 19:44

I don’t hate them - but I would never have got one in the first place because they are a big commitment. In the families I know where this is an issue, in every one of them, it’s the woman who the burden has fallen on. DHs, older DC, all want the dog - but the care and walking is being done by the woman.

Op is not getting rid of the dog and no one is interested in your anecdotes about who looks after the dog.. OP is a single parent, so the dog is her responsibility.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2024 19:50

@Maray1967

I know several families for whom having a dog is their biggest regret.

If having a dog is your biggest regret you have had a charmed life indeed.

Seriously of course a dog is a commitment and sometimes a burden. My mum was a career dog carer because my dad acquired the dog and then didn’t have time to walk it and she sometimes resented it.

But a pet is part of the family and a creature to whom you have made a commitment. The idea that you just wash your hands of it to free up an extra half hour of downtime is warped.

mrgrimblesgerbil · 09/05/2024 19:52

What's your living situation like in terms of public transport/safe walking routes to school? At 12 I was getting myself across the city and back on the bus to go to school, and getting myself to and from all extra curriculars. I also walked 30/40 minutes to and from primary school alone from age 10. Could your 12-year-old possibly do similar? If they could become a bit more independent that might lighten the burden on you a bit without needing them to give up activities.

MoominPyjamas · 09/05/2024 19:56

@mrsm43s sorry the 'relative ease' comment has made me chuckle. I'm a single mum, nothing is easy. Even having a shit, taking a shower, washing up, hanging washing out