To worry my son won't live up to his father's expectations

[anotherloadofwashingtodo]

We always said we'd have 2 dc.
I had 2 daughters with dh and he has always been a hands on dad but he has always wanted a boy and kept saying we should try one more time so we did and it's a boy and he's over the moon.

Ds hasn't been born yet and he's already treating him differently, he's been out and bought him all new baby clothes which is something he never took an interest in with the girls who had mostly hand me downs and eBay bundles but he doesn't want that for ds.
While in the shops he was looking at table football like foosball and said this is why I wanted a boy, I can't wait to have someone to do all this with, even though the girls would love it too. He says it's not the same.

I'm starting to regret that we tried for another, I think I just felt that he was not going to be happy until we tried that last time and he kept on.

He seems to think this boy will be a mini him and his little mate, not only does that put huge pressure on ds to live up to this vision but it's clear the girls are not as special.

His dad is quiet and does as he's told, and his mum rules the roost.

He can't be excited about little dresses so the girls only deserve second hand but he can get excited about trousers so son deserves new? He'll play football with his girls but it's hardly like playing football with a boy, so once he's old enough he won't have to play with those silly girls

Your DH needs to reign his expectations in ASAP.

My ex husband was like this. My oldest son did not meet his expectations, or even come close. But my second son did. Both are now in their 30s and both carry scars from their child hood relationship with their dad. My oldest especially, it took him A LOT of work and hitting rock bottom to get over this. Then there is their sister, who was "just a girl" and he had zero interest in.
They were all under 10 when we divorced but the damage had already been done.

I can understand his excitement at having a boy (he’s been outnumbered for a while), but favouritism is obviously a big no no. I am sure many mums have been like this when finding out they are having a girl. I know a few people who were desperate for a third to get a boy or girl - quite a few never did and still go on about it. I think it has had a detrimental effect on their relationships with their existing children in some cases.

Out of my DH’a 4 children, it’s one of the youngest girls that plays football - my DSS was never interested; he was much more into extreme sports.

My mum was another daughter who got sent to state school whilst her brother got sent to a posh boarding school - don’t think I need to tell you which one was actually more academic…

Hopefully your DH will calm down a bit once your son is here. All you can do is keep reminding him to spend time with the girls too and ensure that you both treat them all the same. Relationships evolve over time and one of the girls may share more interests with your DH than your son does.

My husband loves football and sports and my son absolutely despises it so let’s hope he’s ready for that scenario too 😆

So maybe, just maybe, your DH wants to be the dad he wishes his father had been.
It’s too tough on your daughters - I think you do need to seek counselling.

Neither of my sons like sport of any kind. Hope they don't get shaped to his likes

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a man wanting a boy and showing a more interest in the boy stuff.

I have a boy and a girl and I was certainly more excited for girl clothes and activities, doesn’t mean I don’t love them all the same.

This seems a bit overanalysed to me. Unless of course he ignores your girls and only shows interest in the boy.

Same with my ds. He's almost 21 and loves chatting to me. Dh (ex) is always making snide comments about it! I also have 3dd and they are all completely different from one another.

Your son needs to grow up as his own person not your partner's mini me project.
This attitude needs nipping in the bud now and it shows your partner's attitude towards women and girls.
That they are something less.

And that's how it should be ,they are individuals.

I think I would be seriously considering the future of this relationship if only for your daughter’s sake .

Talk to him about the dangers of stereotyping and tell him you think it's important to have your dc access all types of play experiences. Buy lots of non blue things as a start. Hopefully your girls don't have to conform to being 'girly girls' either, unless they choose to be.

finally someone on this thread with sense! Anyone who thinks the OP's DH needs counselling, needs counselling themselves.

So you thought only your girl deserved new stuff and your boy could have any old second stuff DH could source? And whilst you might have played with DS, presumably you dumped him the minute your little girl showed an interest?

I think the term misogyny is a tad extreme

Sorry to be devils advocate but I do agree a bit with @bodminbeast . Maybe he is just super excited by having a boy because he always wanted one. Unfortunately though the reality probably won’t meet his expectations and it does sound like he is being a bit OTT with the whole thing. He shouldn’t be giving this child preferential treatment over his daughters. I don’t think it’s fair to jump to conclusions that he is a misogynist and needs counselling though. Just yet

I’d be worried about your daughters as well as your son in this situation.

He sounds sexist and your son will be forced to be exactly what your husband wants rather than be himself. I’d be worried if I were you and I’d be having a serious conversation.

You may as well leave now as he will be worse once you son arrives and your daughters will be ignored. He will make your son a little Prince.

I grew up close to a family where exactly this happened. It totally messed up all the children's heads.

The daughters are/were resentful about being demonstrably inferior from the moment the boy baby arrived. One had mental health problems which killed her as a young woman. The other is quite distant from her parents.

The brother is now a grown up arrogant unpleasant twat who even tried to make his sister's funeral all about him.

Vile situation.

Not sure what you can do about it, OP, other than work hard to balance it out.

I don’t like your DH’s attitude, but it’s no worse than the many many posts on here from women who are devastated they’re having a boy, when they wanted a girl. Funnily enough they generally get sympathy on here. Personally I think strong gender preference is odious whichever direction it’s going in.

I think you need to really drive home the fact he is going to treat his daughters as second best if he carries on with this attitude and they will pick up on it

I was watching this the other day about a dad wanting to share his love of movies with his kids.

Apart from the dangers already mentioned on the thread about the treatment of the daughters and the golden child syndrome damaging all three of them. One of the things he talks about in the call above is that the kids could appear to be interested in the dad's hobby because it's the only way they can connect with him, and that's wrong, because instead he should be sharing what lights him up (with all his kids) not to force them into being into the same thing, but as a model, and then support them pursuing the things that light them up.

It is absolutely fun to share favourite stuff with our kids, but it's important it's without expectations that it becomes their favourite.

DH named DS1 after his deceased DF. I think that came with some expectations that were hard for them both - his relationship with DS2 seems more relaxed.

I'd be more worried about your girls than your boy