To worry my son won't live up to his father's expectations

[anotherloadofwashingtodo]

We always said we'd have 2 dc.
I had 2 daughters with dh and he has always been a hands on dad but he has always wanted a boy and kept saying we should try one more time so we did and it's a boy and he's over the moon.

Ds hasn't been born yet and he's already treating him differently, he's been out and bought him all new baby clothes which is something he never took an interest in with the girls who had mostly hand me downs and eBay bundles but he doesn't want that for ds.
While in the shops he was looking at table football like foosball and said this is why I wanted a boy, I can't wait to have someone to do all this with, even though the girls would love it too. He says it's not the same.

I'm starting to regret that we tried for another, I think I just felt that he was not going to be happy until we tried that last time and he kept on.

He seems to think this boy will be a mini him and his little mate, not only does that put huge pressure on ds to live up to this vision but it's clear the girls are not as special.

Nothing in the OP screams red flags to me. He’s a hands on dad to his girls who’s excited to have a son. Men can’t be expected to be that interested in little girls’ clothes and toys. He’s not been a girl, he’s been a boy so he’s excited to share what he liked with his boy..?

Fair enough to remind him that the little boy will be his own person but can’t he be excited and involved?

The main problem is that he sees his son as something to please him, something to satisfy his desires. That's not a good reason to have a child. You have to meet their interests and personalities. If that aligns with what you like to do it just makes it easier.

You’re talking nonsense. The DH is already favouring the unborn boy and piling on expectations. Do you think the daughters don’t pick up on it? Or that the little boy will be unaffected?

His sort of sexist bullshit is why my DH has no relationship with his own father.

Oh, I’m sorry you’re married to a sexist pig.

Men can’t be expected to be that interested in little girls’ clothes and toys

WTF? Surely they should be interested in things that are for their child? And there’s no such thing as “girls’ toys” - for example the OP already said that her girls would love a fusbal table. Sounds like you have the same sexist thinking as the DH.

I have 2 boys both adults and not one is like their dad in any way.
And neither one talks to their dad they dont get on at all they have nothing in common at all.
But they get on with me we have chats go out do stuff have a laugh call text send silly pics to each other normal crap we are all very close to each other.
But to them their dad dont exist with them their choice.

It dont always work out with father and son.

What does he mean exactly that playing table football 'wouldn't be the same' with girls? In what way? What evidence does he have of this? Why wouldn't he even try it before deciding that? I think I'd keep questioning and questioning as the answers will only lead one way (because 'girls don't like football'). Your poor kids

Men can’t be expected to be that interested in little girls’ clothes and toys.
Wtf....... sounds like you're just as sexist as the OPs husband. What are girl toys? Do they stop working if someone with a penis tries to play with them?

Toys are toys.

He’s not been a girl, he’s been a boy so he’s excited to share what he liked with his boy..?

As a parent he should be excited to share his interests with his children. The sex of the child is irrelevant.

What the OP describes goes beyond simple excitement, it strays into sexist pig territory.

Maybe he needs reminding his daughters need clothes and toys too.

We have one of each, I’m a rugby player, my husband loves football and boxing, our son does play a bit of rugby, but his main hobby is dancing and he loves everything colour, glittery and floaty. Girls and boys can enjoy, play and be great at football, just as girls and boys can enjoy and be great dancers.

Him saying it’ll be fine if he looks football is him completely missing the point, as his son will know him not liking it is a disappointment.

I would have a massive problem with this. We have two DDs too and DH has never wished one of them was a boy. He does stuff with them the same as he would with a boy (some they have had no interest in like football, some they do like wild camping). All children are different and all will have different interests. He's putting a massive amount of pressure on this baby boy before he's even born! Also your girls will pick up on this and start becoming resentful

So I know there is a lot of 'red flag' comments. but to offer an alternative outcome, my dh REALLY wanted a boy and our first was a boy, but not the 'boy' he expected. Not into sports (dh's biggest interest and bonding experience with friends). But he loves him loads and has learnt to appreciate different qualities in our son than he expected. So sometimes expectations and reality are different, but doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the reality.

What a load of nonsense...sexist nonsense.

Just because he's a man, why shouldn't he be interested in girls toys or clothes? He should be interested in his children's likes regardless of sex. As the OP said, the DD's would love to play foosball! So it's the same toy but different purely because of the sex, not what he liked as a boy.

Also, you are missing the point that he already treating them different financially as well. DD's got hand me downs from ebay etc but the DS is getting brand new clothes.

I think it;s so, so pathetic when men do this.

Yet again if you say so , just don’t project the relationship your DH has with his father to the OP. Claiming his x y z because he is exited to have a son is a stretch in my opinion

The OP is a grown up who makes her own decisions , she choose to have another child she wasn’t forced. He is just excited and that fact he is having a son , maybe it is wrong to assume his son will like stereotypical ‘boy’ things but he was once a boy and those are things what interested him as a child so it isn’t a stretch to think they would interest his son. Maybe he has already tried introducing these actives to his daughters but they had no interest?

@minipie

I agree! I couldn't care less about Paw Patrol, Minecraft, princesses or a multitude of other things my kids enjoy. But it's not all about me so I make an effort to be interested and get involved.

@Sizzle7654 did you miss this bit of the OP?

While in the shops he was looking at table football like foosball and said this is why I wanted a boy, I can't wait to have someone to do all this with, even though the girls would love it too. He says it's not the same.

His behaviour goes way beyond just being excited.

What was your husband's upbringing like?

it might not be the same as he could of already introduced the girls to football and they wasn’t interested , so he thought they wouldn’t have interest in foosball. But we are just all speculating so let’s no speculate he is a a x y z and give him the benefit of the doubt and judge his behaviour from when the child is born. So let’s not speculate and make up scenarios that frame him to be misogynist

So let’s not speculate and make up scenarios that frame him to be misogynist.

Based on the OPs descriptions of his behaviour there is no need to speculate. His behaviour is sexist and misogynistic.

Ok 🙄

He must have introduced the girls to having brand new thoughtfully chosen clothing too but they just weren't interested......

Oh give over. You know full well what I mean but are jumping on an opportunity to police my language.

Maybe they wasn’t , how are you so certain what interests the OPs daughters?