To ask how you work and have a child as a single parent? I don’t think I can do this

[Mum2222e]

Everyone is telling me the nursery years are the easiest! I’ve had countless illnesses since mat leave, had to take time off, leave early to pick up if unwell, list goes on.

When they start school, then what? How do you manage a 3:30 pick up? And school holidays?

I honestly don’t know how it’s done. Partner works as a theatre nurse and literally cannot leave work so it’s left to me.

I worked full time as a single parent without any family support. I did a mixture of breakfast clubs and afterschool clubs during term time and holiday clubs in the holidays.

I used Fit4kids for holiday clubs. I've just looked it up and it's £18 per day around here (West Midlands) An extra £3.50 for early drop off/late pick up. So nowhere near £250 per week.

Ask other parents in the area which clubs they use. You'll get it sorted. It's a lot of running around but it doesn't last forever.

One in wrap around school care and the other in nursery. Then both in wrap around. Holiday clubs, unpaid leave, some parental support and a load of stress.
The sad thing was that I used to dread school holidays when I should have looked forward to them.
Zero support from ex partner.
It's not easy, but doable.

It is impossible for some unfortunately. It was for me.

Mega camps is a main one near us

Barracudas

My cousin did it by finding a great Childminder. Her DC's dad was not in this country so did not help at all.
You'll need to plan ahead as she had her daughter's name on waiting lists for over a year.
Childminder gave child breakfast, took to school, then did school pick up and afterschool care.
Childminder worked on school inset days and a lot of the holidays.

Can you get list of local childminders, visit them and get DC name down now?

And your DC dad will need to cover the school holidays too. So if you take 2 weeks in summer and he takes 2 weeks then that's 2 weeks left you need the Childminder to cover. You take 1 week at Christmas and Easter and either dad or childminder covers other week.
Not easy at all but if you can find the right person it can work.

It depends on what your ex can and will commit to re drop offs and pick ups and holidays? I work unequal hours each week according to when children's dad has them so overall I work full-time (albeit that is less than 40hrs where I work), but I realise that that relies on having an employer that would do that. I must admit I was surprised when they said yes but I'm in a job that probably has minimal impact on others my working that way and there isn't a huge disparity in hours between each week.
Try and work out a plan of what you can do, also minimum lunch is 20 mins and you can work 6hrs I think before you have to take it.

I also dread school holidays and it makes me so sad to have that feeling. The feelings of isolation are impacted because so many people are off.

I tend to withdraw from my social groups at this time as it doesn't help me to see all their chatter about fun times.
Don't get me wrong, doing this on my own is absolutely the best thing for me and my sons and my home is happy and full of love, but it's still hard.

Indeed. I've worked full time apart from a short period when I went back after mat leave after I had DS2, where I worked 4 days.

I do earn a good salary but I really want that security for me and my children in the future.

What is your shift pattern like? How old is/are your DC?

Mine were in nursery 7:30-630 from about 6m old. Not easy trying to work around that and shifts (my ward day shifts are 7-8, early shifts are 7-3 and lates are 1:30-8). At primary, I put them in wraparound care. XH wasn't much help at all (even when we were still together - so that had its own set of problems). In holiday, they went to holiday clubs. None of the paid childcare I used coincided with my shifts as there simply wasn't anywhere (either nursery or CM, apart from one CM, but that cost me over £400 each weekend) that opened early/finished late enough, so that was a nightmare. My DF and DM died years back so didn't really have anyone. I think I just muddled along, did childcare swaps with friends and so on.

When XH left (no help from him), I managed to negotiate my FT working hours in to 4 set days each week, initially as a trial basis: when the ward saw that it worked well, Matron allowed it to continue. I was able to start work late/finish a bit earlier to do drop offs and pick ups for wraparound care (7:30 start and 6:30 pick up) and it's been a godsend. I'm also able to keep working in a job that I love. My bosses know that I'm reliable, work hard and that I don't plan to go anywhere....and that when my DC doesn't need childcare, I'll go back to normal shift pattern (I won't go back on to nights until youngest is a lot older).

Another thing is that a lot of people who don't have kids (I'm referring to some of my former managers/colleagues), don't realise how bloody difficult it can be to find bombproof childcare, particularly if you are a single parent. One of my aforementioned managers gave me hell for years, then got pregnant and asked me about the childcare I used: she was horrified when I explained to her exactly what I was paying, the hours the childcare was from/to etc, and did a 180 turn in how she treated me (she actually fought my corner when I had to negotiate my hours).

It IS a hard slog, but I've learned that searching thoroughly for what is available and then putting forward good plans re: juggling work and childcare can help. I also think that sometimes employers have to think outside the box a bit: there are plenty of people in my situation but a slight bit of revision to working hours can make such a difference. My DB and DSIL have condensed their FT hours into 4 days. They each have a different day off in the week, so only pay 3 days a week for childcare.

Like PP have mentioned though, this won't last forever. Kids grow up. My youngest is in Yr 6 now. She takes the bus home from school (short trip) with a classmate who lives in the same village. This term, I am starting to get her to take the bus to school, so that she is prepared for secondary school. We have a key safe at the back of the house and she lets herself in until my eldest gets back from school (he's 17).

When you're looking at schools, bear in mind that not all have onsite wraparound care. Often there is wraparound care offsite, that will do school drop off and pick up. Look at CM, nurseries, holiday club provision in the area and (if you can stretch to it) nannies (I couldn't afford this but have heard that sometimes people do a nanny share thing) or even maybe au pairs (again something I couldn't facilitate). Look also at opening/closing times and logistics for travel/commuting. Start this research sooner rather than later so you can get on waiting lists and give yourself time to try and sort things with work.

I'm betting that your XP will have his shifts given to him in advance. I know that none of us can force our XPs/XHs to share the childcare but is there a chance that he can have your DC on his days off? To cut down on the childcare costs? Or is that a pipe dream? Wishing you all the best x

That'll be under £10 per hour..................

Yes but if you yourself only earn £12 an hour (that's a living wage, apparently) and you need to pay for at least one hour extra every day to cover your commute time, you're working for at most £2 an hour for 13 weeks a year.

@HauntedBungalow I get what you are trying to say, but what you are saying is not quite accurate because the dad should be taking a proportion of those holidays (although OP hasn't elaborated on their parenting or work patterns) and also OP gets 5 weeks off (plus bank holidays?) where she won't have to pay for childcare. Also I know if you are on low income there are free places or subsidised in some cases I don't know the details but I know people who have had them.

Do you claim UC? If you do then you get 85% of your childcare costs back. This is a lifesaver for me in the school holidays.

@FlippyFloppyShoe well fathers should be doing all sorts of things. The government doesn't require them to do any of them though. The only person who has to do anything/everything is the mother.

@FrogsWormsandCaterpillars OP can get up to 85% back. If you've been through the system you'll know that the "up to" part is relevant here. Fwiw out of all the people I know (and I know a lot of people) not one received 85% of childcare costs, and all had to pay up front. Glad it worked out dandy for you though. Sounds convincingly straightforward.

I’m a single mum, child’s father lives in another country albeit only an hours flight. I work full time, don’t have any choice. I rely on breakfast and after-school club and holiday clubs. I’ll take some of my leave in the summer holidays and my ex will stay with us and help for a bit of the holidays. I live in a relatively expensive area in the south, not London, the school holiday club is around £35-40 a day.

i disagree that the nursery years are the easiest. The constant illness was incredibly stressful. It seemed for 3 yrs I was getting phone call after phone call to come and pick up early due to temperature, sickness etc. it felt never-ending. That does start to ease off at school.

Single parent of a 14 year old here. Its hard work but ive made it out the other side.
I worked part time and managed to negotiate 4 days term time and 2 days working in the holidays so a few years.
In addition to holiday clubs, childminders, using every bit of my annual leave for childcare, I made friends with any suitably responsible parents of other children in my sons class. I then swapped childcare days while I worked for looking after their children in the evenings or weekends at mine so they could go out.
I planned ahead for holiday clubs which your local council will be able to tell you about and planned my annual leave around what clubs were running

And eveyone I know has claimed the 85%. It can be straightforward for some people. It’s allowed me to work as a single parent with 3 children so if someone else can benefit from it I’m going to tell them.

The free places are not for parents who work full time, it's for those who earn extremely little or don't work. Same as free school meals.

This! Same as this poster for me also.
It's very doable, but difficult and very tiring at times but bills need paying and it won't be forever.
Come to terms with the hard graft and sacrifice now and you will reap the rewards in career progression and financially when they are older and then you can relax a bit more and enjoy it

My ex has never ever taken any leave during school holidays and refuses to contribute to holiday clubs. You can't unfortunately make them step up and parent.

OP I'm a single mum and I have to pay for the after school club and breakfast club when I'm in the office. Holidays are holiday clubs and annual leave. It's hard but you will get through it!

There is no available and suitable childcare here. I have no choice but to work around my kids' school hours. This needs to be sorted before pressuring single parents to work more hours.

Yes it is very stressful without a support structure but I have operated with a back up plan for each holiday period. I had a list of local providers at any one time. I recall breaking down and crying one day when the childcare had taken the kids to the park and lost a brand new coat.

Found a school with breakfast and afterschool options. Also had a list as some schemes don’t always operate (apparently it’s not always lucrative) or local boroughs have holidays at different times etc. You can forget Xmas holidays with holiday clubs. They all seem to shut down.

Things I found out:

1. You need to distinguish the proper childcare (ie 9am to 5pm) from the places which offer 10-3 holiday schemes.
2. You need to get booked on early as you can for holiday schemes. These places vanish fast.
3. I didn’t have enough cash up front and had to put my groceries on my credit card while I stumped up £300 a week for holiday childcare. So I learned to have the cash aside (although UC I believe can now help with this).
4. Some employers offer schemes where you only work term time and money is paid all year.
5. There are grants the DWP offer to help you get working which could help with costs. Obviously no one will ever tell you this.
6. Be prepared. Have nit stuff at home. Have paper plates and cups in case you catch some horrible lergy from kids and cannot physically wash up.
7. Tax free childcare offers 40% of childcare costs for disabled kids. UC also has much higher earning floor than you might think. Look into this stuff.

I like to think of it as “I only need to do this for another 36 months” rather than feel overwhelmed.

Breakfast and after school club or a childminder for term time.

Holidays I use a mix of grandparent, childminder, school holiday club (tends to finish early though), private holiday clubs (expensive), annual leave, unpaid parental leave (look up the rules on gov.uk - up to 4 weeks per year per child), look after someone else's child and they do the same for you, send to my sister for a few day and have my nephews here in return ...

The biggest boost to me was Parental Leave. It is unpaid, and needs to be planned in blocks of at least a week, but it makes a massive difference to how I cover the school holidays. I accept at the beginning of the year that I am going to have 4 weeks unpaid leave at some point, and so save up to cover the missing salary of those weeks (essentially it is like working part time, but with the time off taken in week chunks!).

I had an excellent childminder who saw me through from Dd1 to DD2. She cared for them as babies, did afterschool pickup etc. She also fed them dinner so I only had to sort my meal in the evening.

Exp covers half the holidays- insist on this.

School holiday club.

When dd2 was 6 I moved, started to WFH & life became much more relaxed & reasonable.