To ask how you work and have a child as a single parent? I don’t think I can do this

[Mum2222e]

Everyone is telling me the nursery years are the easiest! I’ve had countless illnesses since mat leave, had to take time off, leave early to pick up if unwell, list goes on.

When they start school, then what? How do you manage a 3:30 pick up? And school holidays?

I honestly don’t know how it’s done. Partner works as a theatre nurse and literally cannot leave work so it’s left to me.

It's really hard and expensive and not something I'd recommend. I did 30 hours plus half hour unpaid lunch across four days so that I wasn't spending out on five days of childcare throughout the holidays, but those years were a complete scramble and there were usually a couple of points in any given week when the whole house of cards was on the brink of collapse, which was utterly stressful.

I found that logistically it was much more difficult throughout the school years, and while the financial hit wasn't maybe quite as much as nursery it was still substantial for a more hodge-podge set-up.

A lot of holiday clubs don't run late/early enough, after school club finishes earlier than nursery/childminder and everything seems set up with the expectation that there's two parents around so it's not a big deal that there's gaps all over the shop.

I use a childminder who does before and after school care as well as the school run.

I luckily have enough holiday as I only have to cover half. My ex covers the other half of the holidays. Your ex should do this proportionate to the time he spends with her.

holiday clubs would have to cover this gap if you do not have the leave between you

Wow, why so condescending?

I went self employed when DD started preschool so that I could work around her hours. Then when she turned 4 , XH walked out, so I then had to build my business up a lot quicker and make it full time.

I relied on after school club, or clubs run at the school like choir, frisbee etc that meant picking her up later, or other clubs, with a friend taking her there, such as Rainbows/Brownies, gymnastics, dance classes, anything that meant I could pick her up an hour later. I alternated swimming lessons with a friend so we could work a long day EOW. I felt sorry for DD at times that she could never just come home from school, but needs must.

During holidays, when she was very young, I relied on my mum and swapping childcare with a friend. As the business grew I needed more help.

We live in an area with no childminders, no holiday clubs etc, so it was very hard at times. There was the odd club by her dance group that ran 10-2 for 3 days, so I could try and schedule work around that.

During holidays, as she grew up, she would go to my mum on a Sunday night and come back on Weds evening, so that I could go to clients Mon-Weds and work at home Thurs-Fri. I was very lucky that my mum could do this, but mum could help more as DD got older, and was unable to provide childcare when DD was a baby. I would also take 2 separate breaks of 3-4 nights at the start and end of August.

Since covid, I have worked at home full time and it hasn't been a problem, although DD is now 16 and leaving school.

Ive worked full time since my children were babies you just find away to work it youwill be amazed how you do it!

Make sure your school has breakfast and after school club (or childminder/nursery that does wrap around care), also holiday clubs for school holidays combined with you and Ex taking holidays off work.
Illnesses unfortunately will need a parent to stay at home.
Have you any flexibility with your work to do some WFH? Or term time only?

A good childminder is worth their weight in gold. Mine did before and after school as well as covering some of the school holidays.

Asking around other school mums, holiday clubs, taking half days of annual leave. Asking family and friends for help.

It can be done, it's just a bit of a juggle

Not that simple though. I live in an area with only two schools and both have limited provision

It's really hard.
I am a lone parent (no physical support from ex), work full time and have (a now older) child.
I've used (expensive) childcare and holiday camps. I really struggle emotionally during the school holidays. We live rurally and so do DS's friends.
I am quite senior in my professional job and wfh (have done for years) and my work days during the school holidays can be quite disjoined (taking DS to town, collecting him from friend's, taking him to catch a bus etc). I feel very stretched, and this is with a supportive manager and very flexible working.

It's all very well people talking about how down time is good for kids, how they don't need constant parental input and how a day or so of screens won't harm them, but add that up day after day, week after week, year after year and it's quite a different situation.

I feel quite isolated, but know I can't be alone.

((Charlotte))

And for those stating it's fine/easy this is a professional WITH very flexible working to drive her kid around/be home And money for expensive childcare.

Those trying to do minimum wage jobs/jobs outside the home have a whe other level of hard too.

My school doesn't have an after school club. Can't move DS either as the other schools are full and he's Y4 now. 20 years ago there were not these fancy clubs where I lived either.

OP can your ex request set days? He needs to do school runs also. Nursery days are a dream because your day lasts till since unlike school at 3pm!

I think unless you have a good support network part time is the only way. The cost of holiday clubs is £35 per day for DC.

I have been a single parent since my son was 6 months old. When maternity leave finished I went back to work part time working 27 hours per week but I have now gone up to 30 hours. In my opinion it would not be possible to work 40 hours. I rely on breakfast club in the mornings before school.

What helps massively is that I live in a small town with nursery and school very close to home and work is only 15 minutes away on public transport. Having everything so close saves me a lot of time.

For the summer we always take an au pair from the EU. Son goes mornings to a summer club and the su pair picks him up, does lunch and stays with him until I get home at 3.

I also have a very flexible employer so it's not a problem if I have have to take a day off at short notice to look after a sick child and not a problem to work from home additional days for emergencies.

I did breakfast and ASC for mine. I wasn't single parent but their dad lived abroad so the dropping off and picking up was on me + sick days, inset days etc. It was really hard and the kids (and me) were out of the house 11 hours a day. We did it for 2 years before I got a better paid job for less hours and started working 8-3, at that point I only needed to use breakfast club. For summer holidays the kids would spend one week with my parents in my home country, 3 weeks with me/their dad and 2 weeks at holiday clubs. The holiday clubs varied but usually something creative or playful. The rest of the school holidays we covered between us, the inset days my MIL too them. It was a lot of juggeling and sometimes it all fell apart but we got through it.

This is one of my many reasons I chose not to have children.

Helpful.

Thanks.

You pay for childcare. I kept mine in daycare for good while as I could do drop off at 7.30, daycare would take them to school and pick them up and feed them. So I could collect at 6pm, do a light supper and have some down time as they did homework in daycare too. Also meant all the holidays were covered.

When they got older we used a specific schools wraparound that covered 4 schools and did holiday care.

We were skint and had to use credit cards sometimes.

I eventually went pt when it became apparent my dc has more severe sen and behaviour couldn't be managed in childcare

I've been lone parenting for 15 years. Early years are actually the hardest I think.

I was lucky as I have a good career so could thrown some money at the problem, but like others it was always really stressful.

Honestly the only thing that works really well is 1-1 care when they are young, as in au pair/nanny/Grandparent because it's the holidays and Illness that's the main problem.

No mum's single or otherwise that I know work full time. I do 80% ish - so around 9:15 until 3pm 5 days a week. Now the kids are out of nursery they don't get sick as often, so I find this mostly fine. Also I'm not a brain surgeon or something, so if I have to ring in because my dcs are sick I don't care.

Managing is partly getting hours that more or less fit around school and partly deciding to no longer give a shit. I'm not the worker I was before children.

I did it by constantly juggling things. When my DS was small he was at a kindergarten. At school I was lucky because my DF picked him up until we lost him. During holidays he went to a variety of holiday and sports clubs. I built up my flex and annual leave to be able to pick him up. I also used the after school club that was open until 6pm.

As he got a little older his friends parents and I would try and cover holidays by having sleepovers or days.

When he was in high school he used to go to the school library to do homework until 5.30 during term time and had some holiday things.

I often raced to pick him up from places!

It feels so hard. Just looked at holiday clubs and they seem to be around 250 a week!

Okay, a few things.

First of all, what is your working requirement? When do you need to start/ finish/ how many days a week do you work and is all that regular or does it change? If the former, you'll find it much easier than if you, say, work shifts.

Do you have any help at all, either from the father or family?

You research your potential primary schools carefully, and by that I mean you look at how many childminders service it (childcare.co.uk or ask the school directly for this; in some cities even some nurseries do school runs) and whether it has reasonable before and after-school care available on-site. Then you apply.

Now you have two choices. You can either start contacting childminders of your preferred school and get in there early, but might risk losing a substantial deposit (one childminder took £800 as a non-refundable holding deposit as they reserved a space from January until September (and then quickly dropped the child 😡)).

Or you can wait until you have confirmation of your school place and then send messages out THAT HOUR to all available childminders. Basically, get in there as early as you can so you have the choice of days and hours to suit you. You probably still have to pay a deposit.

Holidays you either pay for clubs, take leave (paid or unpaid) or have help. Or you work in a school and have the same holidays as your kids. You will likely have to save for this all year, especially the summer.

I've done this for many years without any help, neither from bio father nor family. Now I have help, but they're older, too. Hang in there; it will all work out, even if it seems overwhelming at first.

Childminder, I paid mine the same amount per month to cover after school, inset days and holidays, she was a god send a dc were with her for over 10 years

Not a single parent but but dh is a shift worker. We use a breakfast (0730- school start) and afterschool club (end of school until 6pm) holiday club is £30 a day (8am-6pm) we use annual leave or my mum will have him on the odd day. A colleague uses a childminder for before and afterschool care. Childminder will also have children in the holidays too.

Your ex partner should be sharing the holidays with you. He will have annual leave, too? Unsure of your arrangements.