To ask how you work and have a child as a single parent? I don’t think I can do this

[Mum2222e]

Everyone is telling me the nursery years are the easiest! I’ve had countless illnesses since mat leave, had to take time off, leave early to pick up if unwell, list goes on.

When they start school, then what? How do you manage a 3:30 pick up? And school holidays?

I honestly don’t know how it’s done. Partner works as a theatre nurse and literally cannot leave work so it’s left to me.

I work full time, single parent. One pre school, one school. Luckily I can work from home 3 days a week and drop them 8am at breakfast club and pick them up 5pm those days for dinner at home. Other two days family help out with pick ups and I go into the office. It's a juggle tbh. I'm nervous when the free hours stop, I don't get any CM as my ex "doesn't work" (cash in hand I presume!).

When they are ill, I take compassionate leave (allowed in my company), take AL, rope in family or work from home and let my LM know and she's pretty understanding.

It's the holidays that kill me. I will have to take unpaid leave this year, one or two weeks to cover it.

I worked part time when I was a single mum. still had to rely heavily on family though as he got 3.5 hours nursery a day and my work was a 30 minute walk each way. Nowhere was looking for someone to do a 2 and half hour shift sadly, it was hard but you get by.

I think a lot of the problems come from the fact that people who make policy wrt childcare and work whether or not to do with universal credit are people who send their kids to private school where there is often consistent no fuss wraparound care. They probably don't realise the shifting patchwork arbitrary provision that the rest of us have to cope with. Also, they probably don't have to worry about things like how to access the one holiday club that does run 7.30-6 but is over the other side of town, two unreliable buses away, and in the opposite direction to your work, when you don't drive.

I took a job near the primary school. I could drop ds off at 8.40 and be at my desk at 9.
Ds went to after school club from 3pm and I collected him at about 5.45
Holidays were a mix of annual leave, shared care with another single mum and the local council holiday club.
The key is to book ahead. I never left anything to chance, booked summer clubs in April etc.
Having a supportive boss is a massive plus. A fair employer is essential.

I think this will increase as children get older. There are very, very many mothers who have full time jobs.

Make sure you choose a school with breakfast and after school clubs. Private clubs cost so much more than a school club so do your homework and find out the times they open/close and how much they charge.

For holidays, holiday clubs. After a few years I discovered a uni near my work put on sports holiday camps. My DC loved all the sports and they didn’t cost the Earth. So put the feelers out and make sure you book early.

Also, know which secondary school your primary feeds into. Is it close enough that they will be able to walk to once they get to Year 7? That will save bus money.

I missed that you have a partner, so that will mean you could have 50 days holiday to take between you (25 days each)? If that’s right you could cover 10 weeks school holidays between you but realistically it’s less than that as you need to keep holidays back for illnesses and to maybe have a holiday as a family. Depends on your financial circumstances what you decide to do.

I worked full time, with zero involvement from ex and no family help.

Luckily I can work from home 3 days a week which helped with school holidays.

Rather than take a week off at a time, in the summer holidays I would take 2 days off every week. Then work from home 2 days a week and send DS to holiday club on the other day.

I worked 8.30-4.30 which allowed enough time to drop off at breakfast and after school club.

I did it by working 3 long shifts in a hospital rather than a more traditional 9-5.
My mum provided childcare for the days I was working, I was very very lucky in that regard. She had them regardless of of it was term time, weekends, holidays. She was happy to have them if they were sick. Depending on how sick she was, she also had them when she was sick.
Like I said I was extremely lucky.

I also had back up childcare, backup backup, and a backup to the backup backup just in case. They were mostly people who could step in until either Mum or I could get there, rather than people who looked after them for 16 hours.

Our local leisure centre does different camps over the holidays, different sports, dance, theatre camp etc for a very reasonable fee - around £70 per week per child. Have a look at what’s available, there are options I didn’t know about because I didn’t need them.

I did by working part time (tax credits helped and I accepted I would be more skint) do working 3 or 4 days a week.

I also used a nursery and a cm when dd was little and when dd started school I used a cm, breakfast club, after school club and normal school clubs.

School holidays I used holiday clubs, I could claim some of the money back through tax credits.

I found you needed a plan A, plan B and plan C so I always made sure I had lots of childcare options.

My dd was ill a lot and I managed this by moving my hours around, carers leave or annual leave.

Going back a while but I was a single mum for 13 years, In the school holidays my local leisure centre had a school holiday club and during term time I used breakfast and after school clubs. Before that a mixture of nursery and a registered child minder. I did get help with the cost of all of this from tax credits as I was single.

Have a look at parental leave which is unpaid. You ca take up to 4 weeks per year but there is a maximum no of weeks so you can’t do it every year until they are 18 if you see what I mean! I have been taking 2 - 4 weeks per year for the past few years as I didn’t take any when DS was little.

Some employers will allow employees to buy extra annual leave. This is still unpaid but spreads out over the 12 month so easier to budget for. Also check their policy for unpaid leave. I remember someone at work taking 6 weeeks unpaid in the summer when her kids were little. She must have used annual leave or clubs for the rest.

You can pay for them tax free via the Gov childcare account and council run ones tend to be cheaper, our local leisure centre does 8-5:30 for under 150 once you take the tax off, then hopefully you can split that with your ex.

Breakfast club and after school club and/or child minder. Clubs/camps during the holidays. Some nurseries do holiday care for up to 11s.

It's not easy but plenty of us have to do it. As a widow, I have no option.

I've been a single parent since they were 3&5. Eldest is about to go to uni and school runs are finally going to end!!! (Youngest prefers the bus with his mates.)

I've always worked 40+ hours, currently 50. Nursery, after school clubs, breakfast clubs and kind friends. Ex does the bare minimum for one child and never sees the other, despite "winning" a 50:50 order.

Moved jobs a couple of times because they refused flexible working, now own my own business (which with hindsight, would have made my life a lot easier had I done it earlier 🙃).

I'm still knackered btw. But it is possible.

I’m Sorry to hear you’re struggling and worrying about the future.

single working parent status is HARD! Been there, got the battle scars and survived, even if it’s been touch and go at times.

My advice firstly you need a supportive employer is essential, it’s been the reason Iv left or stayed in jobs over the years! Secondly, find a routine that works for you and re-evaluate it regularly, if it’s not working anymore change it.
and lastly, be kind to yourself, there are going to be days/weeks where things go wrong or you have to pull back from stuff you ‘normally’ do and that’s ok! You’ll pick up the thread again!

A small bonus is also…it’s ok for you to ask for (and accept) help! Work out where your support network is and lean on them if you need to! It won’t be forever and I can almost guarantee they won’t mind 🙂

Ask your child’s father for their take on childcare cover and ask them to find 50% of the holiday cover as in essence that’s all you have to do.
rResident parents need to stop enabling the other parent.
My exh used to hate me for this but actually couldn’t argue. Of course I got the I work/ shifts etc but that’s not my responsibility nor should it be yours.
The irony was that I worked shifts full time when they were younger.
i am thankfully almost past it now with only one teen still at school and can wfh 2 days a week so at least they are not home alone for 6 weeks

It is really hard, I did have a good situation with a friend for a few years where we got on opposite shift patterns for our 12.5 hr days. And we looked after each others child on the days we were off and the other was on and that really helped us out but it was draining.

Honestly, if I can do it, anyone can. I'm nothing special and it's hard, but I cope.

Bear in mind that people with partners who work long hours will refer to themselves as "basically single parents", and it still pisses me off. Two lots of salary and annual leave would be bloody lovely as a single parent, I tell thee!!

I'm lucky to have a job that can allow me to work 30 hours spread over 5 days so I'm more available after school + I can do an odd day WFH. But basically this has only been possible since the DC were a bit older and an come and go on their own a bit. Plus I'm lucky to be in the public sector. Grandparents provide some holiday cover, I pay for holiday clubs for the youngest. I get a UC top up on my earnings so can claim back a good chunk of my childcare costs.

I'm a lone parent. I applied for flexible working. Son goes to breakfast club every day. I pick up at 3:15. Work two evenings a week to make up for the hours I lose by finishing early. Music lesson once a week where he goes to after school club. I've made friends with a few mums and offer to pick their kids up when they're struggling with childcare, and they return the favour. It's hard work but you have to actively build a network and find a job that fits. Worth it in the end.

I'm a single mum, I have 2 teens one of which has adhd, I also have a 19 month old. I work in early years education 30 hours a week split over 3 days. My youngest attends nursery at the same setting.
It's hard work and long hours especially with then having to do the everyday bits bath bedtime etc.

I get help with childcare costs with UC.

Mentally it is draining, the house isn't perfect and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. But I make it work, I am looking forward to the 15 hours funded childcare and hopefully can put the youngest in 1 morning a week when I'm not working so I can have a bit of me time and so the housework in peace without him following me around and undoing it.

I've had to work full time from 7mths, simply couldn't afford not too! Also as I rent, I've always needed a full time contract. I honestly think lots have to as well for similar reasons.

This is easier said than done... I went to mediation and my ex was visibly disgusted when the mediator told him he should do 50/50 childcare over the hols. His excuse was I left him so my choice. Unfortunately the mediator said even with a court agreement you can't force a partner to have a child if they don't want it. I would love for my ex to have child for half the hols, but it's never going to happen! He also stopped working so very little maintenance, (also no excuse to not have child over hols!) so no extra help with holiday club cost either!