To ask how you work and have a child as a single parent? I don’t think I can do this

[Mum2222e]

Everyone is telling me the nursery years are the easiest! I’ve had countless illnesses since mat leave, had to take time off, leave early to pick up if unwell, list goes on.

When they start school, then what? How do you manage a 3:30 pick up? And school holidays?

I honestly don’t know how it’s done. Partner works as a theatre nurse and literally cannot leave work so it’s left to me.

What article? Does this house thing apply to OP? I can’t see where she’s said this

I see friends struggle

If a single parent are you on uc?

They will pay up to 85% of childcare fees if registered

Holiday clubs - cm - or an ofsted nanny

holiday clubs are good and if a few friends go from school like mine do - they have great fun

• most schools send out adverts for them

Ask about on local Fb group about holiday clubs and cm

It’s all very well saying apply to schools with breakfast club/after school club too, but you can’t necessarily choose which school you’ll get into and the provision can change. Our primary school no longer runs after school club on Friday after school, and there’s no breakfast club on Thursday or Friday mornings.

It's difficult. I use after school club until the second it ends at 5:50pm, if I can work from home I don't need breakfast club but if not she has to go there too. Holidays are solid holiday club sometimes with annual leave spread through them e.g. in summer I'll take 2 weeks and she'll go to holiday club the rest of the time. Even then I had to choose a job with either a fairly short commute or one that would allow a fair bit of flexibility. I also chose her school specifically because it runs these various clubs, without them I would simply be unable to work. It's not ideal and I feel very guilty about the amount of time in childcare (not helped by some pretty judgemental comments from other unfortunately) but there's nothing to be done about it.

The article I linked.

The OP talked of the difficulty of working full time as a single parent.

And as ever people minimise this difficult ty/say how they found it using flexitime/variable hours/etc

It is a real problem for an awful lot of single parents.

Of course OP might well make it work but fro the article only 6% of people on UC have managed this. So it's worth us seeing that it actually is difficult and that not everyone has the same resources.

How to do it? No choice so it gets done, maybe not gracefully maybe not "expertly" (whatever that means) but it gets done and you go on. It is without a doubt the hardest thing ever and having others (ex, parents/grand parents, friends, etc) is a huge boon if you have them, but not all do and not all the time! It will get better as they get more independent (though that too will bring different challenges!). I wish you the absolute best of luck, it sucks doing it alone!

Look about in your area for childminders - childminders who can do before/after school care as well as holiday care are amazing. Also have a look at holiday clubs - they are cheaper and more ad hoc (a minder you'd have to book ALL the hols except bank hols - hol clubs you could just book the weeks you want to use to save some money)

If you have good before and after school options as well as holiday clubs that's great. Sometimes the afterschool clubs may suit their interests too (e.g. football dance etc) which helps when you can't be taking them from school to a club etc whilst also providing the childcare

Start looking at the schools, minders and holiday clubs and you'll likely see more options and that will help you feel positive. You can do this :)

Thanks for the ideas. I feel so stressed

Very little wrap around provision in schools near me so it’s hard. Nowhere near as simple as just booking them in to breakfast and after school clubs.

I work in school hours so part time overall. Occasional online meetings after school while DD amuses herself (and interrupts, fairly predictably).

Parental leave unpaid to help cover holidays. INSET days and early finishes at end of terms are tricky to cover too.

You’ll find ways, but it’s not easy.

Do you have any family that can help out, either day to day or in the holidays. It used to be quite normal to send DC off to stay with grandma or Aunty for a week (obviously another women putting in the hours). Other than that you either hire in help and pay for it ££££ or you go back in your career and work convenient but often lowly paid roles and move up as your DC gets more independent.

I worked as College admin 10-2 whilst DD was at nursery. Moved to be a TA 08:30-15:00 and used school breakfast and after-school club when she stayed school went into teaching and our local private nursery also did school dropoffs and picks and had a school age childrens club I was fortunate my parents are close so between us and paid childcare we had it covered and kept the costs lower. When DD was older and at secondary I moved to a normal full-time role without the school holidays off but it's Flexi so I can taxi her around to local friends or work from the city office if she has an event/trip there.

Also the school run clubs never actually ran the first or last week of term. Local private nurserys run school age sessions during the holiday, as do many of the children's after-school hobbies or activity sessions as they get older.

Remember your situation now is not static, over the next 18 years your situation will change many times so just take it a step at a time and don't worry too far into the future.

Your partner will have to take annual leave in the holidays so you can take annual leave or unpaid parental leave for short notice illness.

Then there's holiday clubs in school hols. I used to take a couple of weeks unpaid too.

I felt it was easier when daughter was in nursery as it was year round childcare! School holidays are a nightmare 😂 Been a single parent since my child was 5 months and went back to work full time at 7 months, with only every other weekend care from dad. Its hard, really hard but you just get through it. Start of nursery is really difficult as obviously they get everything going. I'm very lucky in that at some points when desperate I've been able to take daughter into work, and I can work 5 days out of 7 so if needed make up the time on Saturday and Sunday when she's with dad. I also get a generous holiday leave, however most of my team also want school hols off so have to be fair. I only have a few days off over the summer so will be holiday clubs and very pricey. Dad has her more now as she's older and great company, and generally a really good kid. Currently off with her as she's poorly, it's been a nightmare year for illness. Today and tomorrow are days off as working Saturday and Sunday, but am taking Thursday as holiday as don't think she'll be well enough for school. Had to use a days leave last week too, although could of asked for it unpaid. Luckily my employer is understanding, and I've been there for years so they know I'm not taking the pee. My salary is atrocious but one of the reasons I'm still there is the empathy with family life and the flexibility with rotas which is invaluable. I'm lucky too in that can ask family to cover the odd day but they all work full time so don't want to impose too much. Basically I understand your pain!

What sort of holidays clubs? I have never heard of these but will have to Google. Thank you

Sports centres often run holiday clubs. 5 a side football grounds, local council tennis clubs etc. They tend to finish around 4pm in my experience though so it's still a mad rush.

I worked part time in 3 flexible jobs whilst DC were at primary school - I could work extra hours in term time to help manage some of the holidays as well as using holiday clubs
ExDH only had them every other weekend and 2-3 weeks of school holidays each year
I could only do full time once they were at high school

Google will help, as will checking the websites of all the local schools, they normally tell you about after school and holiday care.

I'm a single parent of toddler twins and a school age child

• before and after school childminder
• full time childminder for the twins on term time only
• purchase max additional annual leave from work and all annual leave is used to cover school holidays

-my parents might help for one week per year

• WFH when children are sick

We have a Club Excel one near us, if you're lucky some schools run their own.

Our local watersports and dry ski slope offer holiday clubs for the week so children can learn a skill once they are 8+ I think.

Free / low income holiday clubs are run at our local sixth form during school holidays. I'm sure other areas will have similar schemes.

From 6+ residential summer camps are an option or just day camps, places like Camp Beaumont/ Kingswood and PGL.

Local nurserys often open up a week for school age children during holidays time.

Obviously some of these things cost more than others but there are options out there.

Every hobby DD has done has offered some sort of workshop over the holidays, dance, bushcraft, swimming / rugby training days/camps.

What was the plan before you split with your ex? Can that plan not still work? E.g. if he does shifts and therefore does not work M-F he should be having the kids on his days off?

You will have to cover 13 weeks of school holidays usually. 6 in summer, feb 1 week, Easter 2 weeks, May 1 week, October 1 week and then 2 weeks at Christmas. When you’ve been used to a full time nursery it’s a lot!

Ok, you can do this! Whilst they are in nursery the regular illnesses are an issue but you have good wraparound 51 weeks of the year. Your ex can absolutely leave work to pick up a sick child! I'm a surgeon, so if I leave, the entire theatre lists gets cancelled, but that's life with small kids, I can't just refuse to pick them up if they're ill.

Once they are in school you need a decent childminder to do wraparound. Some will cover holiday time too, otherwise there will be plenty of holiday clubs - our local leisure centre runs them, plus there's various private providers too. There will be other working parents you can share play dates with. You can take 4 weeks of parental leave per child per year, but that is obviously unpaid.

Ask on your local FB/Next door about local options, there may be council rin or private or both.

Google is your friend. Just check what is available in your local area. We have a sports company running an activity club at the school site but there will be loads more. Unless your DC has SEN, there is usually loads

Summer camps:

https://www.kingscamps.org/?gadsource=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImd7jqNT7hQMVm5JQBh3NbwxPEAAYASAAEgL-NPDD_BwE

Many areas also have school run summer camps/half term camps.

Museums sometimes run art camps.