To think I'm absolute shit at raising girls?

[Mastmw7g]

My oldest daughter was such a challenge. We have a good relationship now, but I still upset her easily if I'm not careful what I say. My youngest daughter is only 10 and regularly tells me she wants to move in with her nan, who she says is like a real mother unlike me. I protested that I wasn't even doing anything and she started listing off the things I was doing: sitting, breathing, existing, growing hair, making blood cells. She tried to call her nan after that and she didn't feel up to a call and my FIL said to call tomorrow. The door was open so I popped my head in and said I was sorry her call hadn't gone how she wanted. She replied "Why are you in my room without permission?" DH asked what I did to her. I don't know! I'm trying, but I must be doing it wrong. My boys are so easy.

Four children ages 21, 12, 10, and 6. She's not the only girl or the youngest.

It’s not you. 10 year old girls are just like this. Our house is quite stressful at the moment because my 10 year old is irritated my everything everyone else does, however reasonable or mundane. She seems to express most of her irritation at me.

I don’t know what it is. Hormones? Some sort of break for independence/Distance from the family? I dunno. Just know it’s not personal, hope it will pass and tell her to stop being so rude 😬

How much time does she actually spend with her nan?
I notice that the nan didn’t even feel able to take a call from her (and set a very firm boundary by getting FIL to take the call) let alone for her to move in and live full time.
It could be time to gently but firmly set your boundaries. It’s not always a negative as it can make the child feel more secure.
make sure that it’s not always dad who is offering the nice stuff - change it up a bit

@Eviebeans The children visit in the summers. My daughter has called three times this week. MIL handled two of the calls and FIL handled the one where MIL wanted to sleep early. Groceries just arrived that they ordered for the children, filled with treats. So they do make well-meaning attempts at having relationships with their grandchildren despite not living close.

what are vile comment to make. Why?? I’ve seen both sides. One gender is not easier to raise than another.

Why's it vile? It was a lighthearted comment designed to make OP feel better. In my experience boys are easier!

They really aren't

And in mine they are indescribably difficult. But I don't claim universality. Not vile, that was an overreaction, but very silly.

It's my opinion, not universality. This is Mumsnet, not a court of law. Hardly a silly comment either just because you disagree! If we all had the same opinion and experience life would be incredibly boring. I got lots of 'thanks' for my comment so evidently lots of people read it exactly the way I intended it so I 'm happy 😁

Sounds like you need to recalibrate a bit. Start, in my opinion, by not going into her room without permission! Think about what triggers problems. Talk to her grandmother- see if she has insights. When things are calm, ask your dd what she wants from you. Just listen- don't defend yourself. See what she has to say.

You sound like a complete narcissist referring to daughters as ‘them’ and saying ‘they will get over it’. Narcissists also love to gaslight: ‘it was lighthearted’. ‘What an overreaction’
Yeah, ok.

A b with an itch you surely are 🤣 major projection, nothing the other poster said was ‘vile’ or indicative of ‘narcissism’.

I have boys and girls. Both have their moments. DD behaviour was bad when she was being bullied by a close friend. It has all come out recently and she's already looking a bit happier now she's set some boundaries and knows we are supporting her. She still has her moments and the phone is banned when she is rude. She falls short with "tone" and seems to struggle with this.

From the start I've always knocked on the kids doors before I go in. I do this to model good behaviour and show respect. I call them out when they aren't polite. I get them to do chores as well. They get treats for very good behaviour and doing something good. I've had to be really patient since they all turned 9. Bite my tongue a lot, pick my battles, rinse and repeat with consequences and reasoning. We will get there. Keep the faith and all that.

We do have some issues with in laws being divisive but this is offset by them losing interest, so they aren't there long enough to have any negative effect or undo my parenting.

Oh I didn’t realize we had an expert in the forum. Thanks for correcting me, I surely feel so silly now.

FFS what a simpleton.

Vile was an overreaction 😂Oh I do love the mad people on Mumsnet!